Bloody OUTING on MN

[Sleepyslops]

AIBU to get annoyed when I read a thread which comprises of the OP whinging about something, but then stating they can't say what as it's "outing" or they state they have nc to prevent them being outed. It's like some weird, paranoid, mn tin foil hat crap.

I don't really know how to use mn properly but one thing that's always confused me is the nc. Some threads I've read have posters citing other threads they've been on under previous names. If that's possible why name change?

I love the outing hobbies . I'm sadly married to a boring old fart who plays golf though. If we ever divorce I'm finding someone who takes part in extreme ironing or soap carving so I can post too.....

I change my name once I’ve posted something that I know a few people in RL know about. I enjoy using this forum anonymously and varying stuff that has happened to me could be outing if paired with other details. I change it about every six weeks. Seems like good sense to me.

this is obvious, they dont want this thread to be linked to any other ones they have posted before?

My point is - no need to state the name change 🤷🏻‍♀️

My hobby is drinking, is that too outing?

It narrows you down to about half the MN population

The trick to not getting outed is to be purely judgemental and shouty on other people's threads no identifying details just a single post with a humongous opinion.

I think it makes sense to nc regularly. I didn't want to as fancied becoming mn royalty. But then posted about something that about 5 people irl would have immediately linked back to me, if they had searched my previous threads. Nc is a good thing to do but announcing it is a bit twee. Runs the risk you will be "outed" anyway!

I totally get the caution. I've had the same user name since it was all fields round here, which is a conscious choice I've made - but say I mentioned on one thread that I have a pink front door, and on another thread that I have a pet armadillo, and another that I have 6 kids, and someone joins the dots then I'm easily spotted. And as others have said, it really doesn't take much - just a little anecdote will be enough for someone to think oh yes, I know who she is. Which is fine if you're just posting the sort of trivial crap I usually post, but if there was something sensitive I wanted advice about, I would absolutely namechange. I'm grateful it's an option.

I'm with you on the outing hobbies though. Lots of men take up cycling - that alone is never going to be the critical identifier which links you to the time you posted about fancying George Osbourn.

It's YOU isn't it Brenda?!

All my friends know I’m blondes. Had this name for over 10yrs

I don’t nc

Yes there is info about me on here - husband died - ttc 10yrs - lots of ivf - etc

Have no problem in people knowing who I am

But yes intrigued about the lemon cake - don’t R.E.M. that one

Where as penis beaker or fat balls or gawd don’t ever google space docking - dragon butter make me old school 😂😂😂

I nc whenever I get carried away and post something too sharp-tongued or emotional. Then I nc out of shame and start again as a hopefully nicer person! Until I'm outed again as a horrible CAHHHHH.

Yes it's very annoying, mostly as they do end up saying in the end and it really isn't outing.

Op: my husband does a sport each Saturday I won't say what it's outing

(200 posts later)

Op: ok my husband cycles.

I do get if it's to do with abuse or violence though as that could potentially have bad repercussions.

If I were to do an outing post I'd change name and then if that name was found it's not linked to my main account.

I nc'd recently as I have an extreme situation. I wanted to ask on here about it. I didn't want it linked to my other posts. It took me about 3 weeks to admit to myself I needed to get some other opinions and prepare to n/c.

Well I got the shut kicked out of me and accused of trolling (!) a poster searching for previous posts as if they were private detectives, abusive and distressing accusations on what a loser I am, how pathetic I am etc. Man stepped in, and other posters were but the damage was done.

It's a shame - a few years ago mn was amazing support for me. Now I'm scared I'll end up in the press. And I need support. Can't risk it.

I wouldn't care if I was outed as the stuff I mention on MN has probably already been said at some point to a range of people in real life. I'd never post something sensational or secret because I have a boring non dramatic life.

I change my name once I’ve posted something that I know a few people in RL know about. I enjoy using this forum anonymously and varying stuff that has happened to me could be outing if paired with other details. I change it about every six weeks. Seems like good sense to me.
I used to (mostly) lurk on a US Natural Parenting board. It was unbelievable what identifying information users posted. Most users had "signatures" that were added to every post, often featuring their childrens' names and ages, their own interests and hobbies, sometimes even the town they lived it. The board melted down when they realized that posts were being copied to another board to be mocked! They were all "OMG I think of this as my safe space, I feel so violated!!"

Lady, if you think that a public message board is a "safe space" where you can discuss private details of your marriage and life, while posting identifying information at the foot of your every post, you should not be on the internet, and neither should your kids as you don't know what you need to teach them about internet safety.

I always wonder why people write "NC for this one"

It always baffles me. What difference does it make whether we know this?

They write nc for this one in case you do a search and think they are a new poster and a troll

I agree unless you're posting most bizzare
about the most bizzare experience. It's highly likely to be outing.
However if you come on and telling us your childrens names. partners name. names, number of children. Pets names. Marital status. Job.Where they live ect ect. There's a very high chance someone who knows you could be on here and know who you are. I mean I know In reality no one would do that. Theyd have no reason to for a staRt.
However that said though even if saw my best friend on here. I wouldn't mention it both not even to her.
As far as I'm concerned what is said on line stays on line.

Posting on here is not private. Anyone can trawl and do. Including journalists. Anyone noticed how the press come up with stuff off social media all the time? Many posters will have relatives and friends unimpressed by disclosures. This is not a chat amongst friends

I always wonder why people write "NC for this one"

It always baffles me. What difference does it make whether we know this?

Because if they don't say that, there is often someone who posts 'Interesting first post ' or similar as they have done a search on the op and are troll hunting.

Because there are total weirdos who search posts, cross check internet etc!”)
B. LG
About

Whoops cracked screen

I was basically outed from a long time of skipping in posts, nothing obvious but when someone tracked years of posts it completed the jigsaw so I change now

(My nationality, job, childs Sen were things I mentioned and then a reference to a current DIY project mixed in with recognising things I’d done)

Seriously, they would have read 100s posts to fit it together, I was shocked someonevdoes that to posters just in case

I don't find it's always necessary to mention a NC or anything being outing, just change and get on with it. The references to old threads is quite silly, anyone can read classics.

I can't really judge on the outing careers though, my husband and I both have unusual jobs. His is so niche, that I get a blank stare when I give his job title. Which is followed by them asking what that is or being too embarrassed to ask because I guess they're afraid of looking stupid?

I can't talk about my job, I glaze over it with a vague explanation if asked for more information, only my husband and Mom know what I do.

Husband's hobby is football though, anyone who thinks that's an outing hobby in the UK is quite daft.

The thing I find annoying is when the op posts about something clashing with an outing event. E.g I can't drop my dc at a party as we planned to go to a local event should I ask the host to drop them off early. The won't say what the outing event is but turns out to be something like a local car boot sale and never anything outing like a trip to meet the queen or the first civilian trip to Mars.

I don't want to be outed here. It's bad enough having people at work mocking me for my poor dancing skills on a work trip the other day. I don't want it here too!

I've posted this before but I think anyone who DOESNT name change with frequency for privacy reasons is being naive.

Imagine this fictional scenario :

I have a colleague named Marge. I don't particularly like her but we rub along ok day to day. We have never told each other we use MN.

Marge knows that I like Narcos, she knows that I recently bought a Slow Cooker. She does not know that I had an abortion at 14 or that my DH once walked out in the middle of the night and I sought a handhold at 5am. Nor would I want her to.

One day Marge sees a post I wrote that says my cat went missing whilst I was in the Algarve. She thinks "Oh I wonder if that's Sandra?"

And does an AS, during this finds out all kinds of things and she also finds a thread that everyone laughed at about my bloody colleague Marge and the bins.

I was also on a thread that saw someone outed on their first thread as OP

They were posting about contact for their DSD and covered neither themselves or their DH in glory. Subsequent questions about the set up and the DHs choices, revealed that the DSD had a half sister whose father was also facing the same challenge and they were helping each other out.

Based on just that description two people posted on the thread who had identified the OP, one of them being the half sisters stepmum.

Outing can happen, it does happen and people are naive to think it's just tinfoilhattery