AIBU to suggest that people should not do a pregnancy test until a few days after their period is due?

[FireBrick]

Name changed for this as I'm sure I'll get flamed!

So many times on the conception board you see the following:

OP tests at ~10dpo and gets a very faint line, and posts a picture for others to look at. Posters confirm they can see it too and congratulate the OP.

A day or two later the OP posts again that they'd done another test and it was fainter, or negative. They are confused and upset.

A couple of days after that they get their AF. They are naturally devastated and disappointed.

If instead they had waited to test, they would just have got their period at about the expected time, and would have only had the disappointment of not conceiving that month (which I am not downplaying!)

What is gained by testing early? If the pregnancy is successful you will have found out a few days earlier than you would otherwise (on a 40 week pregnancy!). If not successful, you open yourself up to heartbreak of a miscarriage and dashed hope that you could have avoided by waiting until you miss your period until you test.

I'm not criticising anyone, especially not people struggling with infertility who are desperate to be pregnant. But I think that testing early, or using an early response test, is likely to cause more unhappiness and negates the benefit of testing early.

Do others agree or AIBU?

I think you should mind your own business.

People should do whatever they want. Cynically though, the test manufacturers must be very happy about this trend to do multiple tests and interpret the strength of the line as if it had any meaning.

The conception board can be hard work at times I agree, so I try to stay away. There's only so many times you can say do a pink dye test, the first pregnancy symptom is a missed period etc, but there's a good sense of camaraderie there and it's a great outlet when you've been ttc and failing forever. Just take a break if it's bothering you though

Fwiw I agree with you. Unless there’s a reason for it being better to know as early as possible (taking medication for example) it does seem like setting yourself up for heartbreak.

No idea of any real figures but I’ve heard that it’s common for women to conceive more than they realise but a significant number of pregnancies don’t make it past the first couple of weeks. There’s good reasons why you don’t really have much to do with the midwife for a couple of months, sad as that may be.

Added to which pregnancy drags - why make it longer!

Suggest away but no one will take any notice.
I’ve often thought for women’s own sanity (my own included) the early response should be taken off the market.
People are picking up chemicals 11dpo. They would probably never have know if the didn’t test so early.

My lovely Nan said she thought she was pregnant twice before having my DMum, but she began her period 1-2 weeks afterwards so she couldn't have been. When asked if she'd considered they could have been miscarriages, she said the doctors couldn't confirm pregnancy until 14-16 weeks so never mind.

If she'd have done a first response she'd be grieving for 2 lost 'babies'. So I see your point OP

Nice use of quotation marks there

ODFOD and mind your own business.

If I didn't test 'early' I wouldn't know I'd miscarried and the GP would be investigating why I wasn't conceiving which is a totally different issue to the one I'm actually having.

I agree with you OP. However, people can get a bit addicted to POAS.

I went the other way and couldn't cope with the disappointment of negative tests. So I banned myself from testing until my period was at least a week late. No doubt I saved myself a small fortune.

I agree to an extent, but speaking from bitter experience, waiting until period is due (or 3 months after, for that matter) still results in heartbreak for some people.

There’s no fail safe time to test to guarantee that you won’t be disappointed and after years of trying, it’s easy to fall into the trap of testing early.

The manufacturers of these early tests know exactly what they’re doing. It’s pretty exploitative, if you ask me.

Agree with @kitkatsky - it’s a great board for support and talking to people who are going through the same thing as you, but I think the normalising of early testing and symptom spotting can cause more problems than they solve.

And the sharing of photos of very obviously negative tests, where posters tell the OP to test again in a few days instead of saying kindly that they don’t see anything and best of luck with the next cycle. It’s almost cruel to keep hopes up like that.

I don't entirely disagree. I tested on the day that I was due because I didn't want to wait any longer but I was very mindful after getting my positive result of the fact that there was a relatively high chance of miscarriage that early on. I got a little bit obsessed with checking this website every day datayze.com/miscarriage-chart.php to watch the odds of miscarriage slowly drop and recognised that I was one of the lucky ones when my pregnancy continued.

I am not sure delaying testing until after your period is due would help though. I knew when my period was due, and knowing that my period was late would have raised my expectations in the same way as a positive pregnancy test I think. But I didn't want to test before I was due given how many women have chemical pregnancies and the tests are so inaccurate at that stage anyway.

Finding out a few days earlier can mean the world though. I don’t understand what you are saying - that’s its good to be in ignorance of miscarriages? Why? Why shouldn’t women (and their partners) know if they have miscarried?

It just sounds all a bit too ‘calm down dear’ to me. Patronising I guess. Like it’s in a woman’s best interest not to go upsetting herself

Have been TTC for several months and don’t agree at all. I’d rather test a day early in my home where I can grieve in private if negative rather than have my period sprung on me at work where I have to keep it together.

I tend to view very early testers with a sense of compassion. Pregnancy can be very tenuous for many woman. If a woman wishes to come here and share her journey, I’m happy to support her.

Maybe. But then they might be impatient, if pregnancy is their dream. I was never in this situation and had the opposite - to prove negative - and , since my periods are very regular, would test on 1-2 delay just to calm myself down. I keep a few tests in bathroom cupboard just in case. Might be the same for those you mention, but I don't know.

I agree. Just reading the threads you see how bad it is for the woman’s own mental health. I think the posters who congratulate and say they can see lines when there’s nothing there should stop!

And it took me over two and a half years to conceive so I do know the pain of not conceiving each month and the desperation to know, but I also know I am responsible for my own sanity. Realistically what does knowing a few days early achieve except more worry.

My general rule is if the line needs to be viewed as a negative image or the test needs ripping apart then it’s not a positive.

NHS policy is that they won't do any investigations unless you've had three or more miscarriages, local policy here is that two of those three must be consecutive. They don't count a late period that may or may not have been a miscarriage. Testing early and getting a positive means it's an official pregnancy.

As a PP said, finding out at home and dealing with your feelings in private is better than being surprised by your period aftermost getting your hopes up that it being late might mean something.

If you have medical conditions that need additional management in pregnant then you need to know as soon as possible. This is particularly important if you take medication not compatible with pregnancy or if pregnancy would be harmful to you.

If you're having symptoms that interfere with day to day life and need to know why, then it helps to know. I started being sick at 10dpo, my employer at the time had a 48hr rule regarding sickness except for pregnancy related sickness. Similarly if someone works in a high risk environment then they need to know so they can have proper risk assessments done and, if applicable, amended duties.

Not everyone has regular periods or a standard length cycle, they could be months along if they waited for a missed period before doing a test.

Other people simply want to know as soon as possible.

Whatever the reason, it doesn't harm you so why be bothered by it?

It just sounds all a bit too ‘calm down dear’ to me

Certainly from my perspective it’s more a case of ‘what you don’t know can’t hurt you’.

We took years to conceive and it was bad enough testing obsessively on the day my period was due, I can only see with hindsight that if I’d had a series of very early positives that disappeared by the time my period rocked up my mental health would’ve took more of a battering than it did.

Always tested early as 5 IVF cycles meant I was obsessing, also useful to see if chemical pregnancy occurred and a faint brief positive happened as could indicate immune issues and possibly provide a little more insight into what's going on. HTH

Totally up to the individual but I'm completely in agreement with you op. Would rather put a period coming late due to that, just being late, than being pregnant and losing it. When pregnant with my dd I didn't test until 6 weeks for that exact reason.

If you don’t know you had a chemical pregnancy you might not know you can conceive. I had a chemical a year ago, coming up to the 2 years TTC Mark and if it hadn’t happened I’d have no way of knowing if I was even able to conceive. As it is I know it’s possible so we’re just subfertile.

FWIW I didn’t actually test particularly early for that one, I had what I thought was an early period, but must have been implantation bleed, then a few days after I felt really tired and was peeing all the time so did a test just for sake of it and was shocked (and delighted) it was positive. Miscarried 2 days later.

Yes it was utterly heartbreaking but I’m glad I know it happened, gives me some hope.

Its up to the individual and how they want to approach it personally I couldn't face getting a negative so waited until I was pretty sure before testing. I was still disappointed when I thought maybe and then my period came. Its an emotive time and everyone needs to do what's best for them.

I have never done an early response test. Whilst I can understand the impatience to know I don't think it's helpful. Far too many posts about being two weeks pregnant. So your period isn't even due? Who knows if it will "stick"
Early response pregnancy tests would have driven me crazy. It was bad enough finding out after a late period and miscarrying a week or so afterwards.

I've never done an early test. Have always waited until period was late.

I've also had losses at 5w (x2), 6 weeks (x2) and 8w (x2)

Had huge difficult getting one particular Dr to put miscarriage (as opposed to chemical pregnancy) on my records with my 5w losses.