AIBU to suggest that people should not do a pregnancy test until a few days after their period is due?

[FireBrick]

Name changed for this as I'm sure I'll get flamed!

So many times on the conception board you see the following:

OP tests at ~10dpo and gets a very faint line, and posts a picture for others to look at. Posters confirm they can see it too and congratulate the OP.

A day or two later the OP posts again that they'd done another test and it was fainter, or negative. They are confused and upset.

A couple of days after that they get their AF. They are naturally devastated and disappointed.

If instead they had waited to test, they would just have got their period at about the expected time, and would have only had the disappointment of not conceiving that month (which I am not downplaying!)

What is gained by testing early? If the pregnancy is successful you will have found out a few days earlier than you would otherwise (on a 40 week pregnancy!). If not successful, you open yourself up to heartbreak of a miscarriage and dashed hope that you could have avoided by waiting until you miss your period until you test.

I'm not criticising anyone, especially not people struggling with infertility who are desperate to be pregnant. But I think that testing early, or using an early response test, is likely to cause more unhappiness and negates the benefit of testing early.

Do others agree or AIBU?

Lots of people saying “oh I wouldn’t test early”- that’s fine! Nobody will make you. But if someone else does want to test early that’s fine too. Everyone is different.

@Crunchymum sorry for your losses

Ah away and give us peace. Sometimes it's not a good thing to have early miscarriages without realising something has gone wrong - after three miscarriages I got tested and found out I had a chromosomal abnormality that was causing the miscarriages but could also have led to me conceiving a baby who would have survived pregnancy but would have been likely to die in the first couple of years of their life. So, I'm pretty glad not to have been oblivious to my miscarriages.

Oh well at least nobody's tried the old "in the first three months it's basically just a delayed period" line, which I read in Miriam Stoppard's book. Miriam hen I've never passed out from pain during a period.

I agree, OP fwiw.

Never done one until I’ve missed my period and even then, I’ve always waited a couple of days before testing just to make sure AF definitely wasn’t going to turn up.

Apparently early response tests are the reason miscarriage rates are so much higher now due to chemical pregnancies that would have otherwise been passed as a heavy period.

Also I don’t think woman that test early (myself included) would be chilled if they didn’t test.
I would have just been obsessing about symptoms rather than faint lines
Also getting an early line showed I could conceive and was ovulating so even if it had been chemical it is still useful to know

It makes sense OP

Although obviously it's personal choice.

Tested early, lines continued to get stronger then sadly miscarried. It’s very hard to sit and wait when you are desperately trying to get pregnant and have waited a very long time for that positive result.
I think everyone is entitled to do what they want in their situation regardless of the opinion of others.

Op I'm guessing you've never struggled with infertility or irregular periods. I'd suggest minding your own business

You are coming from a good place but BU to tell others how to approach it IMO.

I tested early because I had big nights out and wanted to know if I could drink or not - I know that realistically one night wouldn’t make any difference, but I felt guilty.

The first time I got the BFP and stuck to water. The second time I got 3 BNPs, duly had 3 big nights out (it was Christmas) - and only then got a BFP. DC fine, luckily!!

OP do fuck off, if you'd like a moan, might I suggest something that either a) actually relates to you and causes you actual harm or stress or b) if you can't be kind enough to do that, maybe just consider moaning at a group of people who aren't already fragile as fuck with heads battered from TTC. Funnily enough, yes, TTC sends you batshit crazy, I had an actual mental breakdown last year. You know you're losing the plot, but what really doesn't fucking help is people mocking or passing their unwanted opinions.

You have to test for IVF as your period won't come naturally unless you stop the progesterone pessaries (unless you're doing a natural cycle FET)

Testing early helped me manage expectations when it was likely to be a chemical

At 7dp5dt - equivalent to 12dpo it was negative

At 9dp5dt - equivalent to 14dpo it was just about positive

Then positive on a digi a couple of days later

But because I'd tested early and got a negative, I had a pretty good inkling the hCG levels would come back low when I had bloods done, and could steel myself for this not being viable

The tests stayed positive but didn't get any stronger over the next week, and hCG levels showed it wasn't progressing

If we hadn't done bloods then I'd have rocked up at the viability scan at 6w and it would have been diagnosed as a blighted ovum

But because we saw bloods weren't rising appropriately, we were able to determine that it was a chemical pregnancy and stop meds at 5w (though it still took a good few days to get a negative test after stopping)

If I'd not tested early I'd have seen a semi decent line or digi positive and thought we might have a goer - and would have been a huge shock when the bloods came in with terrible numbers

Also if you're having recurrent chemicals rather than recurrent implantation failure, that can impact IVF treatment quite differently

Without testing early, you wouldn't necessarily know

I'm 2.5 years into trying to conceive my 2nd child. I now never test till after period should be finished

What I think people should stop doing is saying

"BFP congratulations, you're pregnant!"

At lines that a barely a wonky smudge in the wrong place.
It really fucks me off. It gets the OP's hopes up, and you know full well the next days test will be absolutely negative and they are bitterly disappointed.

I think it would be fine to give opinions on what is seen, but to go all psycho and throw out "OMG CONGRATULATIONS" at absolutely fuck all is nothing short or cruel.

I see it on there constantly and those who do it are absolutely bastards and my heart goes out to the OP.

I agree YANBU

I agree with you, although I'd never say it to anyone ttc whether on here or in real life. I think a lot of heartache could be avoided by just waiting until you miss your period.

I was 10 days late before I tested with my last pregnancy, granted I wasn't trying and was convinced breastfeeding had made my periods irregular but still. There was no holding the test up to the light, inverting colours or asking randoms for an opinion!

If I'd waited till my period was late I wouldn't have tested till I was several months pregnant as my periods continued as normal...

I appreciate this is somewhat unusual though.

Well my period was two months late before I tested...except it wasn't because I randomly had a very long cycle (60ish days). So I tested early compared to when I ovulated but late from when my previous period was. People should just test when they want to, no-one elses business!

@Firebrick - each time I got pregnant, I tested on the day my period was due, and got a clear positive, so it is possible to test on that day and get a clear and accurate answer (and this was 21, 23 and 25 years ago, so arguably tests are better/more sensitive now).

People can test early if they want - though they should bear in mind that it would be more accurate if they wait a bit longer.

Although I agree in a general sense there is absolutely nothing more devastating than your AF coming when you were hoping for a BFP

Especially after multiple losses and difficulty to conceive

I have spent hundreds of pounds on pregnanacy tests over the year and was absolutely addicted to POAS and looking for lines

But that’s what it is, addiction, needing to know

Waiting for some people in that situation is simply impossible, even if it’s the right thing to do

I have always early tested. The first time it was because I really really really wanted a baby. The second time was because we lost the baby and I was desperate to be pregnant. The third time I was just excited. I am lucky enough not to have struggled to have kids but I know a lot of people who have so yes, you are being unreasonable in judging us.

Even if the pregnancy doesn't stick it is useful to know that conception and implantation had occurred particularly if you have been trying for a while and are considering fertility investigations.

I've seen a couple where people have had positives then negatives and bleeding and they're about four weeks - and people are telling them to go to epu. I always post on those ones to say don't bother epu as they can't see anything til 6 weeks so it's a waste of time and resources others could be using. At the end of the day in those circumstances it's just a slightly late period.

I absolutely agree. I never offer congratulations when someone posts a really faint BFP before their period is due. Chemical pregnancies are incredibly common. I think by testing so early people set themselves up for a very unnecessary fall.