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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - free school meals application against my wishes.

428 replies

GlitterSand · 05/09/2018 14:20

Two years ago I became eligible to claim free school meals,
I do not need the assistance so declined the offer.
The local council sent me a silly amount of letters about being entitled to claim, I phoned them and asked them to stop, explained that I didn't need to claim and asked them to make a note on my 'file' not to contact me again.
However, within a few months it started again I ignored them until I received a letter that basically said 'you are entitled to claim this so we are going to put in a claim on your behalf'
This annoyed me and I sent them a letter telling them that I do not give them permission to ever make a claim for FSMs on my behalf, that I wanted it marked on my file that I never want a claim for FSMs to be made in my name.
Someone from the council called me and apologised he said he made a note on my file and I would not be contacted again.

My DC has just started secondary school and for the second day in a row, his student account was not charged for the meal he had.
I just called the school and they have told me that his account has not been charged because he is in receipt of FSM, I told her this is a mistake and she is going to look into it and call me back.

I'm currently on hold to the council.

I'm so angry, how dare they put in a claim without my knowledge or permission and against my explicit request not to.
AIBU to be so annoyed?

I'm just posting to vent really, to try to calm down before I speak to anyone, but I'm just so angry that they can go against my wishes and put in a claim for a benefit that I do not want.

OP posts:
ohreallyohreallyoh · 05/09/2018 16:26

Where does maintenance go on your tax return?

It doesn’t it. It has already been taxed.

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 16:28

I understand how you feel but as has been said, there is no stigma in this day and age. However I think, as you don't want free school meals, it would not hurt to raise it again with the powers that be.

Onedayy · 05/09/2018 16:29

Some posters getting ridiculous now, spouting forth about benefits, declaring maintenance (what!!) and how schools use fsm information with no idea what they are talking about.

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 05/09/2018 16:29

Have I missed what benefit you're claiming to actually be eligible for fsm's in the first place? Or is that something you're also 'ashamed' of? I've claimed income support before and I'm not ashamed to say so either. It helped me at the time to get back on my feet.

TheOrigFV45 · 05/09/2018 16:29

Two issues: YANBU to be annoyed. You are ENTITLED to claim in. This doesn't mean you have to and they shouldn't undermine your wishes.

YABU not to claim it if you're entitled for all the reasons others have mentioned.

In your position I'd claim what you are entitled to and then either give the same £ to charity or better still put it aside for your child/ren for when they need a house or car or something. My Mum opted out of claiming child benefit for us 5 kids. I wish she had claimed and put it by for us.

Onedayy · 05/09/2018 16:29

There is a stigma in some schools. Not sure how much that affects who claims though tbh.

Flyme21 · 05/09/2018 16:30

"And when you say you donate "generously" what does that actually mean? Are you donating the thousands that the school is losing out on?
I mean that in the time my DC was in primary school the school benefited far more from our donations than it would have from any benefits."

I should stop reading.... No - they didn't. Because regardless of whatever generous donations you made, the government would have paid the PP money. I don't believe this, you're eligible and yet you're now Lady Bountiful in a position to generously support the school way beyond what you are asked to. Whatever way you spin it, the schools lose out on £1,000's.

And for those saying that the SCHOOL will benefit - what is a school? Oh yes, it's where children go to learn. So who exactly benefits from PP? The children.

anniehm · 05/09/2018 16:32

Very noble but claim the money and put £40 a month into an account for your child's university - they will need it!

grasspigeons · 05/09/2018 16:32

I don't understand how the school / LA knew your NI number to put the claim in and I actually agree with you that it is a bit iffy to apply without your permission as its you personal data they run through.

However I don't understand not applying for funding the school would need unless you really do donate £900 a year instead.

GoJetterGirl · 05/09/2018 16:32

I am in a position that I can financially support the school in other ways.
whenever there is fundraising I always donate generously, because I can afford to.

And you want some sort of award for that?

I sit on my local primary’s Governing Board, and every term we have to justify and explain where every penny goes, we have to use pupil premium to make improvements and provisions education wise, while money that is fund raised by our PTA is used for other aspects of the school (think installing things such as sandpit/ school disco etc).

ohreallyohreallyoh · 05/09/2018 16:32

There is a stigma in some school

How?

NynaeveSedai · 05/09/2018 16:33

You donated £900 a year?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 05/09/2018 16:33

Lady Bountiful seems to cover it. Refusing to claim a benefit to help the school’s funding, but graciously paying a premium on the cost of school trips - from benefits...
You’ve got to laugh...

CrochetBelle · 05/09/2018 16:33

OP under what criteria are you eligible to claim FSM?

Tinywhale · 05/09/2018 16:35

I would feel exactly the same as you do OP.

It is ridiculous to call the OP selfish. The pupil premium is to pay for additional support for disadvantaged children. The OP’s DS is not disadvantaged. The school are being selfish by trying to claim it for a child that is not disadvantaged.

onetimeposter · 05/09/2018 16:37

At my sons school the fsm kids get to the front of the line then have to tell the dinner lady, in front of their mates, that they get a free meal. No wonder he wanted pack ups. It was a posh school.
At the new secondary it was an electronic card system. Much better.

m0therofdragons · 05/09/2018 16:37

If you claim free school meals schools receive a significant amount of extra funding. Why would you deprive your dc of that. Stop being so self righteous and put your dc first. Our school misses out on so much funding because of attitudes like yours. No other dc or parents would know, only staff and they're already informed.

Elementtree · 05/09/2018 16:37

She might have 300k in the bank and a mortgage free million pound home. She may get be happy to live on the interest, maintenance and spend some capital each year.

What is it to you?

How does this have any bearing on whether it is ok for someone else to claim a benefit in your child's name without your permission?

Luckyme2 · 05/09/2018 16:38

Op this is a benefit that directly helps your child. Claim it and if you can afford to put the equivalent that you'd have paid for his meals in to a savings pot for him. Why wouldn't you want to do that? You must ve claiming benefits if entitled to FSMs so just see this as another benefit. Its no different! Regardless of the income you get in maintenance isnt this a perfect opportunity to build up extra savings for your child?

Move2WY · 05/09/2018 16:38

I am with the OP on this. Regardless of the benefit to the school, applying for the benefit should be a choice. Not something imposed on her.

OP doesn’t believe she is entitled to it so in 3 years time she may ne audited and told she never should have had it and can we now have £3k back please.

It’s a choice to claim, why ignore her straight request to not claim.

You’re not being selfish at all OP. You are not even denying the school anything.

Cabochard · 05/09/2018 16:38

I think this situation shows how fucked up the whole system is.
If they took into account op,s maintenance then they wouldn’t bother her.
There are working families who make just a but too much to qualify for anything...
Working poor.
Obviously if a parent receives a pittance in support from an ex / then they should be entitled.
Someone who is being generously supported shouldn’t Confused

m0therofdragons · 05/09/2018 16:38

Your not taking money, you're actually depriving the school of it. Make an annual donation to the school if you feel that bad.

rainingcatsanddog · 05/09/2018 16:38

The rules end up including children who don't need it and misses others who do. As the money goes to the school rather than OP, I'd like to think that the school would use the money in kids who need it.

Move2WY · 05/09/2018 16:40

@Luckyme2 why on earth should the government provide a benefit for OP to create a savings pot for her child. I am not happily paying taxes to help people create savings pot for their children.

I happily pay to help those in need and OP has already said she doesn’t need it.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 05/09/2018 16:41

By not claiming the school is losing pupil premium money iirc