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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do parents do this at pick up?

323 replies

Infomerkel · 05/09/2018 11:46

I've name changed for this as I dont want to offend anyone I know IRL.

My DS is in a very small primary school. There is always a set of parents who meet their kids at the pick up doors with a 'treat' (bag of crisps, chocolate donuts, cupcakes etc). But I know where these kids live and its within a 3 minute walk of the school. Why do they need a snack at the door?

My DS is also usually starving after school but can manage the 3 min walk home, wash his hands and then sit at the table to eat.

I just don't get it? I'm foreign so maybe its a custom I haven't come across before? I've always wondered about it, but figured each to their own. But now, DS's best friends dad will often bring a 'treat' for DS as well. It's extremely kind and I'm always very grateful and thank him. But I don't want him having a treat every single day after school. I'm a bit strict at home about not making junk food into a habit but I don't want to come across as judgy or sanctimonious. I also feel odd not reciprocating and bringing treats in.

AIBU to not understand this?

OP posts:
melj1213 · 06/09/2018 00:28

If kids abroad can manage without it, why the insistence that British kids need it?

And why the assumption that every child is the same?

My DD was born in Spain and attended a Spanish school until we moved back to the UK and it is totally normal for a child to be met at the school gate with a snack - fruit, sandwich, pastries etc - or, as happened where we lived in Madrid as DDs school was very near the centre, for children to be taken to the cafe/chain sandwich place across the road from the school for an after school snack.

This is usually because school generally doesn't finish until 4/5pm and most children will be going on to extra curricular activities and/or because dinner is eaten later and therefore they have a snack to tide them over.

They also have a snack in their 11am morning break too as most kids can't go from 8am (breakfast at home) till 1/2pm (lunchtime) without eating.

It is not a failing on the children that their parents know they are hungry after school and cater to that.

PeaceRaven · 06/09/2018 00:36

How do you think we are supposed to maintain our number one position of “Obesity capital of Europe” if we are not allowed to overfeed our overweight little darlings 👍

Igletpiglet · 06/09/2018 00:38

Yes I have turned even more feedy than my (non Brit) feeder mum and feed my kids in the playground after school to get their blood sugar up to cover me for the arsenic home hour during which I race to get their supper ready before it crashes Again.!!
( usually not ‘treats’, usually a banana and water unless i’m Out of healthy. )
Actually I got the idea from a non Brit mum whose kids also stay out long in the playground.
But then i’m A rubbish baker. I reckon those bakery types would have warm flapjacks and perfect muffins waiting for the darlings when they get home. Are you one of those bakery types, infomerkel?!

Cousinit · 06/09/2018 00:45

None of your business really but I always bring a snack for my kids at pick up. Sometimes it's "healthy" sometimes "junk". They are always really hungry by 3pm and we have after school activities to go to before heading home. They need something to keep them going until dinner time.

Ineweverything · 06/09/2018 00:57

I've never seen this. I live in Ireland.
Though I have heard of children eating in the car if they are going directly to some activity.

WyfOfBathe · 06/09/2018 01:29

I go straight from work to pick DD up, so she waits until we get home for a snack. But I really can't see why it would matter to anyone else if I gave her a snack at the school gates or 20 minutes later at home.

If kids abroad can manage without it, why the insistence that British kids need it?

I lived in France from age 11. Plenty of kids ate snacks on their way home. Those who didn't were often given a massive "gouter" (eg big chunk of baguette or brioche with butter, chocolate, fruit, juice/squash) when they got home. Way more than I would have been given, or give, as an after school snack.

z4zie · 06/09/2018 01:31

Omg, i usually, but not always, bring a snack and i live less than a 1 min walk from the school. Sometimes a banana, a pear, cheese, an apple, yogurt or brioches. I'm not sure why i do it but probably because i have the time and it makes him happy. Also we sometimes stay a bit longer outside instead of going straight home, he'll play with his friend while i have a chat with my friend. Is it rude to eat a snack on the way home? Is it considered ill mannered to do so? Specially when you live nearby? I've never given it a thought. I'm now wondering if other parents are judging me for bringing snacks.

FlyingMonkeys · 06/09/2018 01:41

Bit of a massively non event to be honest. If you don't want your child eating 'treats' that the other parent brings then tell them? It's hardly rocket science...

quizqueen · 06/09/2018 02:12

Some parents don't seem to expect their children to be able to wait for anything without throwing a strop so they grow up thinking that food should be constantly 'on tap'. I don't how my generation survived without snacks between meals or water bottles on our desks at school or work either but some how we did!

Gersemi · 06/09/2018 08:01

It is not a failing on the children that their parents know they are hungry after school and cater to that.

It kind of is, if said children can't wait till they get home. How do you imagine people survive in jobs where they can't snack in the middle of the afternoon, or have to put up with feeling hungry till they have an official break?

givemesteel · 06/09/2018 08:06

I've never done this and never seen anyone else do it.

My test of whether my kid is actually hungry or just angling for a biscuit is to only offer toast or a cracker, which they're happy with if they're genuinely hungry.

As a general principle I think kids are given too many snacks, I don't remember getting something between breakfast and lunch. I remember having a couple of biscuits in the afternoon. It does feel like some kids are constantly eating.

arethereanyleftatall · 06/09/2018 09:10

The judging on this thread is rather funny and somewhat strange to me. Who knew people Judged this and made assumptions.

My dc are fit, healthy and slim, and will be having a chocolate mini roll at pick up today.

Here's the thing. They are allowed one treat a day, sometimes they choose a pudding at lunch or dinner, sometimes biscuits and hot milk before bed, but mostly they choose some kind of cake at pick up.

We go on to a sporting activity every day straight after school as I value exercise.

Today they are having:
Porridge, blueberries, nuts for breakfast
Banana for school snack
Egg sandwich, carrots/peppers/cucumber with hummus, an apple for pack lunch
Chocolate mini roll at pick up
Fish pie with veg for dinner
Water as only drink.

I'm happy with this. What a bizarre thing to make assumptions and judge on.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 06/09/2018 10:57

*It is not a failing on the children that their parents know they are hungry after school and cater to that.

It kind of is, if said children can't wait till they get home. How do you imagine people survive in jobs where they can't snack in the middle of the afternoon, or have to put up with feeling hungry till they have an official break?*

I agree nonstop treaty snacking is unnecessary, but

  1. They are small children, not adults in the workplace.
  2. Min 40 minutes to get home for us, and others
  3. Infants get their lunch at 11 freaking thirty or some other ridiculous time, I don't find it surprising they might be hungry 4 hours later
  4. Is a snack any better for you eaten at home than eaten en route?
Lawrence22 · 06/09/2018 11:10

Seems to be two different issues here - what parents do with their own kids (who cares) and whether they then offer snacks to your child.

I generally don't take snacks for school pick up but have often been a little embarrassed by other well-meaning parents offering a share of their children's snacks. I deliberately choose not to take snacks (reasons don't matter) but I find it difficult to say no once treat food has been offered directly to the DCs.

I sometimes feel like I'm being judged for having 'failed' to take something when the DC are so obviously appreciative at getting something from someone else. And I also feel bad for not reciprocating, but I never wanted to have the stuff in the first place!!

user1499173618 · 06/09/2018 11:31

I agree,OP. Snacking on junk at the school gate is an appalling habit.

CarolDanvers · 06/09/2018 11:34

No it's not "an appalling habit" it's just a choice you don't make.

actualpuffins · 06/09/2018 11:37

A choice you don't make, but others do make. Suck it up, basically.

ConcreteUnderpants · 06/09/2018 11:42

user1499173618 -I agree,OP. Snacking on junk at the school gate is an appalling habit.

I agree. Ban it.
Along with fun, laughter and anything else that is none of your business, snacks should be left at the school gates.

user1499173618 · 06/09/2018 12:02

Snacking on junk food is a very poor choice. Parents who encourage this are irresponsible.

JacquesHammer · 06/09/2018 12:05

Snacking on junk food is a very poor choice. Parents who encourage this are irresponsible

Actually untrue. I’d rather encourage my daughter to have a good relationship with food. We don’t believe in “snack food” or “junk food”. We believe in moderation, including teaching portion control etc.

If she comes out of school and chooses a biscuit, that isn’t a poor choice in a healthy and fulfilling diet.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 06/09/2018 12:08

It’s someone else’s choice. You are free to make a different one.

Mymycherrypie · 06/09/2018 12:11

Who cares? Don’t give your kids snacks after school and let that be the end. Why would some stranger feeding their kid annoy you? Find something to be happy about instead of getting annoyed about perfectly normal behaviour that isn’t affecting you in any way.

This is for your kids later Biscuit

CantankerousCamel · 06/09/2018 12:13

I used to sort the kids out immediately after school because their school dinners were so utterly woeful that they needed to be fed really quickly.

Now they have packed lunches, they are much less hungry after school. They still have a snack but in a less ravenous-I’ve not been feed all day sort of way.

However I do know of parents who feed their kids utter crap after school. One mum in particular gives her kid a family sized aero bar nearly every day. The kid is a nightmare and has had many teeth removed.

It’s shocking really.

ChaoticPotato · 06/09/2018 12:14

I give my little one a Graze bar (relatively healthy) and on the walk to the car he can drop crumbs and go for it, so less in his car seat.

Branleuse · 06/09/2018 12:44

i think the obvious solution is to have a big board at the school gates, where if you want to bring a snack for your child, you write what it is, and what your god damn excuse is. Then everybody can read it and know what a shit parent you are. No excuses.