To find dp attitude towards this a bit insulting?

[eeeehmagawd]

I'm a paramedic currently on maternity leave after having our dc 7 months ago. I also have a child from a previous relationship who is now 10.

My dp returned to work a week after she was born so I've don't the majority of the work myself and had to sort of force him to get involved. I understood his apprehension as she is his first child and he didn't want to hurt her or do it wrong and since I made bath and bed time his thing (at around 3 months old) he has really got involved.

I've been doing some baby led weaning with our 7 month old which she loves. Dp though hates it, says it makes him nervous (which I understand) and can we not just give her purées so she doesn't choke. My argument is that she's learning to chew (well gum) I don't give her anything too hard and that she actually quite enjoys it. It's also literally my job to know what to do if, god forbid, anything goes wrong.

He had a go at me last night when I asked why he was cutting up the food I was going to give her the next day into tiny pieces.

When he's home at the weekend he doesn't want to get involved feeding her so he doesn't see how capable she is as coping with solids.

Am I unreasonable to find it quite insulting that he 1) thinks that I would actually endanger our daughter feeding her stuff she can't cope with and 2) thinks I'm incapable of dealing with something that is actually my job to know how to deal with!

maybe don’t be around children on your own if your prone to such dramatics.

It's not dramatics. A baby gagging is very frightening for most people. Now that my children have safely reached adulthood I react the same way if one of my dogs start choking

Slight gagging and choking are two entirely different things. I agree with a PP who said your DH needs to educate himself on this so he has more confidence.

It is quite insulting that he doesn't think you know what to do though. Plus you're a paramedic so one of the safest people for the baby to be around really. Does he usually undermine you about things?

I think your DH is well within his rights to say he doesn't want his DD to have even the smallest potential to choke, being honest. As parents you won't always agree.... and it's a good lesson to learn together. Perhaps you feed her BLW way when you're there, he can feed in the way he's comfortable with.

As a carer who was with an elderly patient who choked, it's bloody terrifying ..... and you may feel your training will cover you but it's very different when it's your child, not a patient.........

It's not dramatics.

Ok, let’s say it’s not dramatics. How useful is it if a child is choking and you are “losing your life and in full panic mode”? Does that stop the choking? (It doesn’t- so have a responsible adult with you when you are around children as you can’t be relied upon to handle the situation)

We did BLW and I agree it is a great thing. I am not a paramedic, in your shoes I would be extremely pissed off at your DH!!! How patronising.

P.S. thank you for the job you do.

Does he usually undermine you about things?

That's a bit unfair, and to my mind he's the one being undermined and treated a bit contemptuously. He loves his baby and is anxious around it, and isn't as experienced as the OP. Even if I were married to a doctor/nurse/paramedic I'd have felt the same way. I'm not naturally an anxious person, but all the rules changed when it came to my babies.

Yanbu. But maybe think back to what it was like having your pfb. I was petrified of EVERYTHING, now I’m far more blase about my second

I know you’re a paramedic, but i refer back to the above.

I’d simply smile sweetly and carry on as before.

Does that stop the choking? (It doesn’t- so have a responsible adult with you when you are around children as you can’t be relied upon to handle the situation)

Oooh I wish I lived in your perfect world

Why does he have to obey your ways of doing things? Don't be the baby gatekeeper.

When he feeds the baby, if he chooses to feed it pureed banana, that's not going to kill anyone. He's not feeding his child arsenic so butt out.

You do chunky food. He does smooth or little food. So what? Your baby will still learn to eat.

The alternative is that you are the baby gatekeeper and he is your idiot helper, which is incompatible with an equal partnership.

Fun fact - babies are more likely to choke on/inhale purees and choke/gag on food as toddlers if they were pureee fed as they didn't learn how to chee properly or take food at the front of their mouths. Instead of it being spood fed to the middle/back of their mouths.

Show him videos on the differences between babies gagging and choking. Two totally different things. Gagging is normal and babies will go as far as vomiting to get food up before they'd choke. Choking comes from inhalation normally.

Oh god. I was terrified of my children choking when they were weaning, and it was a reflex rather than something that could be reasoned with.

Why not give him a break.

Oooh I wish I lived in your perfect world

Or you could just not lose your shit when a baby gags

BLW weaning wasn't a thing when mine your babies but I admit to being scared when I've watched my GC gagging while eating. I didn't say anything though just watched holding my breath so I can understand where he's coming from.

Also I HATE MY FUCKING PHONE keyboard. Typos abound.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan

Or you could just not lose your shit when a baby gags

Oh for goodness sake give it a rest. Are you trying to stir up an ongoing fight? Drop it.

Is your child really in danger from your DH's smaller pieces, or are you just narked he is not doing things your way? Is your own need for control making things difficult or making rules that don't need to be so rigid? If I was your DH I might be reluctant to get involved in feeding if I thought I'd be constantly told I'm doing it wrong.
Having said that, when mine were small I was the 'cutting up small police', having seen my 10yr old sister almost die choking on a piece of steak. Only for my Dad was a doctor and did the Heimlich thing on her she wouldn't be here.

It’s disappointing that he hasn’t read up on it. Once you do the reading/the research BLW is a no-brainier.

I’d be more worried that he seems to want to do a halfway house and cut food into tiny pieces which is the worst of both worlds.

I don't think he's being insulting, he's just worried. And I don't see why he can't approach feeding in his own way rather than being made to do it your way.

"He had a go at me last night when I asked why he was cutting up the food I was going to give her the next day into tiny pieces." He had a go at you because you had a go at him. Was there any harm in him cutting the food into tiny pieces? I agree with your view that it wasn't necessary for him to do so, but if it makes him feel better, let him get on with it. It isn't as if he's insisting that you cut the food up.

You can't have your cake and eat it. You want him to be more involved, but you are pulling rank: you're a paramedic and a second-time parent so he has to do it your way?

No juells I jsut responded to your ridiculous post. You don’t have to respond if you don’t want to.

But seriously, don’t be in sole charge of children.

But seriously, don’t be in sole charge of children.

Seriously, do you have OCD? Leave me alone, you're bordering on harrassment now because of a throw-away jokey remark. Don't direct another post to me or I'll report it.

Yabu a tad. He's just very nervous. I doubt he's even thinking that your more than capable he just sees danger

Rabbitsaretasty has pretty much said what I was going to.

He's not being unreasonable to want to feed his child in the way he feels comfortable, just as you want to feed her in the way you feel comfortable. She's not going to starve - both methods have been used over the years with reasonable success.

When I had babies (many years ago) you started with puree and gradually introduced larger softish chewable items as child learnt to hold stuff - it was kind of common sense, not sure why giving you child a bit of something to chew and not mushing everything up has to have a special name now - people have been doing a version of it for years. It was just called weaning.

And people react differently to choking or gagging - my XH's first instinctive response was panic and total inability to act. I could stay calm and deal with choking. He couldn't help it, he just got overcome by fear and it made him freeze rather than act.

You are trained not to panic, your DH isn't so respect his feelings and fears, they are no less important than yours. I repeat, your baby will not starve because you differ slightly on feeding methods, nor will she fail to grow teeth or never learn to chew anything. She'll be fine just as millions of babies before her have been.

The baby needs to have a go at chewing chunks for her development. It will build up her mouth muscles and aid her speech development.....the opposite can happen if babies stay on liquids - a speech delay. Choking and stuff going down the wrong way is distressing and scary but actually...it does happen to most babys / parents at some point and is not a rational reason to hesitate giving chunky foods. You just need to be sensible and supervise appropriately and of course practise the heimlich manoeuvre. Your partner needs to learn and accept that growing and developing brings risks. If he ignores this he can be into a long-term developmental catch up situation at school etc....that is much much harder on parents and children.