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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to speak to my DS teacher so soon?

89 replies

Pa2sk · 04/09/2018 23:31

DS (4) had his first day at school today. He's not a cryer at all generally but was anxious before starting school today. After school i asked him how his day was and if he was upset at all. He said he wasn't allowed to be upset or he would be told off, when i asked him more about this he said he did cry and the teacher said to "stop that, stop that right now".

Aibu to raise this as a concern?

OP posts:
hazell42 · 05/09/2018 13:13

Four year olds get things wrong without ever lying. When I was training to be a teacher, a more experienced reception teacher told me of the time a parent came in concerned that her child had come home distraught because they had been promised a gift if they sat nicely.
After a little investigation, it turned out that while allocating tables, what she actually said was 'Sit there for the present'
You can kind of see the logic

tillytrotter1 · 05/09/2018 13:44

Why did you use the word 'upset' instead of something like Did you enjoy your first day? I would give it a few days before going in all guns blazing.

tillytrotter1 · 05/09/2018 13:47

After a little investigation, it turned out that while allocating tables, what she actually said was 'Sit there for the present'

His name wasn't Laurie Lee by any chance?

A colleague once wrote on a report that there was one piece of coursework outstanding, that caused a problem at Parents' Evening!

DearTeddyRobinson · 05/09/2018 13:49

Well this thread escalated quickly 😀
.
Have a chat with the teacher at pick up time today and see what his/her take on things is.
I find that the reports I get back from school from my 5yo are a bit garbled! So I tend to ask stuff like, what did you have for lunch, and let the rest of it trickle out over the rest of the afternoon.
My DS hasn't cried at school (yet - he's only just started Yr 1) but I don't think it's anything we as parents have done or not done. He didn't go to nursery so in theory he should have been ill-prepared for the transition to reception but he was fine. That's just who he is. There was a little girl in his class this morning who was sobbing her heart out, she's obviously had a year of reception to 'get used' to school but you know what, she's only 5 and wants to be at home with mummy. The teacher was letting mum comfort her and come in when she was ready although I think mum wanted to leg it. They're all different but if your little one needs a different approach from the teacher then I'm sure you'll find a way of working together for your DC. Good luck and let us know how you get on

Amaried · 05/09/2018 14:19

Honestly not sure I'd march ion after just one day.. lots of kids will be upset but most fly it after a few days.
I'd wait.

mingebags · 05/09/2018 14:58

I don't think you really want advice on this at all. Every poster who has offered an opinion that you don't agree with has been shot down or insulted. You just want people to agree with you that the teacher was unreasonable based on half a story from a 4 year old. Don't go and see the teacher - they'll find out in due time what kind of person you are, and you probably want to keep that particular reality covered for as long as possible.

Bowerbird5 · 05/09/2018 19:38

It is hard if it is your first though. I feel for the mums and dad putting their precious children in the hands of near strangers. The one we had crying on visiting day is number five and mum can't wait to send him!

I couldn't possibly tell that story!

Just think how you would cope with quins then times that by six and you might have a little bit of sympathy for the teachers.

LJdorothy · 05/09/2018 20:46

Believe me, teachers don't 'need to know' that parents have their children's backs. It's considered the default position until proven otherwise. To be honest, I'm not sure why a firm 'stop that now' was so wrong. Your child may well have been winding himself into hysterics. How would you deal with that at home? Would you not say something like 'stop that now, and then we can chat about what's wrong/what's happened/what's troubling you?' Remember the teacher is also coping with 20 odd other children she hardly knows.

Cousinit · 05/09/2018 21:03

Wow, Mingebags. A lot of wild assumptions there in your nasty post.

Sleephead1 · 06/09/2018 06:54

Hope you little boy was happier and you managed to speak with the teacher and feel better about everything

AJPTaylor · 06/09/2018 07:00

I would simply say to the teacher, bobby told me he had tears yesterday........
And see what they say.

Morethanthisprovincallife · 06/09/2018 07:41

Op doesn't have to go in bullying at all.

But without a doubt raise it, put a note in as well.

Op my dd came back in floods of tears one time and I was agonising what to do, I didn't go in to give it a chance. It only got worse. The teacher asked what was wrong and of course she couldn't say him, so she said us. It got unpleasant. I'd go in every time now and get it logged

Morethanthisprovincallife · 06/09/2018 07:42

Mingebags, your not being kind or helpful at all, you are coming across like a horrid bully.

Princess1066 · 06/09/2018 11:06

Wow @mingebags - who rattled your chain?

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