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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To participate in workplace flirtation?

81 replies

LC424 · 04/09/2018 19:51

Happily married with lovely DH but lacking a little excitement (small kids, work, chores etc)

New guy at work started ~6 months ago. He's about my age, married himself, not bad looking but also not a head turner. We bonded straight away as similar sense of humour.
As time has gone on we talk more and more, and I think I fancy him Confused
He gives me cheeky looks and winks and I think he might fancy me too.

I know nothing would ever happen but AIBU to participate in this flirting now I have some feelings for him? It feels different now to before when I only thought of him as a friend. I don't want him to ask why I've stopped talking to him!!
I am moving departments soon so might not have to see him for much longer anyway.

OP posts:
Bloodylucky · 04/09/2018 19:53

That’s shitty. Sorry.

adaline · 04/09/2018 19:55

Would you be happy if your husband treated you in the same way?

LeighaJ · 04/09/2018 19:55

You need to work on your marriage rather than your cheating skills.

Original poster
LC424 · 04/09/2018 19:55

But two weeks ago it was fine for me to speak to him?
It won't be different for anyone else?

OP posts:
LARLARLAND · 04/09/2018 19:56

You are playing with fire.

LeighaJ · 04/09/2018 19:56

My guess is you two already crossed the line into emotional cheating based on what you've described.

Thingsdogetbetter · 04/09/2018 19:56

The 'I know nothing would ever happen' is how many, many affairs start. Would you be happy if you're dh was consciously and actively planning a flirtation at work?

LyndorCake · 04/09/2018 19:56

"Flanta" is fine if you have no feelings for the person (and your partner doesn't mind). Flirting when you have feelings is very, very wrong.

Secretsquirrel101 · 04/09/2018 19:56

This could end terribly badly. What you’re doing isn’t really on OP.

Thingsdogetbetter · 04/09/2018 19:58

Two weeks ago you were speaking to a work mate. Now you're planning to flirt with a man you fancy. Two completely different things!

Original poster
LC424 · 04/09/2018 19:59

Does no one else ever have crushes? Or have any fantasies about anyone else?
I find that hard to believe.

OP posts:
Secretsquirrel101 · 04/09/2018 20:00

No one has said they don’t get crushes but generally, if the crusher involved wants their actual relationship/marriage to last, they stop flirting with the crushee.

Bloodylucky · 04/09/2018 20:02

You’re not just talking. You’re flirting.

Original poster
LC424 · 04/09/2018 20:03

"You need to work on your marriage rather than your cheating skills."

No one mentioned cheating on anyone

OP posts:
woollytights · 04/09/2018 20:04

Talk, have a laugh but don't cross the line. Don't say or do anything you wouldn't do if your husband was there watching.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 04/09/2018 20:04

I’ve had crushes. I don’t take part in flirting; I treat them as I would anyone else. If they were aggressively flirting as this man seems to, I would be putting distance between me and him.

Original poster
LC424 · 04/09/2018 20:04

"You’re not just talking. You’re flirting."

But most of the time we are just talking??!

OP posts:
AhHaaa · 04/09/2018 20:04

He gives me cheeky looks and winks and I think he might fancy me too.

Sounds like you've had your head turned by a little flattery.

He's married
You're married
You both have families
You say you don't want it to lead to anything

Why bother with flirting then?

It's a silly crush. Get your head out of your arse and concentrate on your new job in the other dept. Doesnt mean you can't still talk to him. Just don't reciprocate the flirting.

Not unless you'd be absolutely ok if your DH did the same to you...?

Glumglowworm · 04/09/2018 20:05

Talking is fine

Flirting is not

I don’t think you should be flirting with anyone other than your significant other anyway. But especially not someone who you fancy. That’s how affairs begin!

Original poster
LC424 · 04/09/2018 20:06

I'm so confused at where the line is.

If I find someone good looking, should I not be talking to them either?

OP posts:
NameChangedNow · 04/09/2018 20:07

YABVU work on your marriage to make it exciting and stop making excuses.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 04/09/2018 20:07

If you don’t know the difference between talking and flirting then you definitely have a huge problem.

adaline · 04/09/2018 20:08

There's a difference between talking and flirting.

Would you be happy for your husband to behave like that with a female colleague?

Secretsquirrel101 · 04/09/2018 20:08

Are you actually reading people’s replies? Surely you know the difference between chatting and flirting Hmm as a pp says, a good rule of thumb is really that if you wouldn’t say it in front of your DH, you shouldn’t be saying it.

Original poster
LC424 · 04/09/2018 20:08

I mean, we don't talk about anything sexual or relationships or anything. We just talk about work or our families or what we did at the weekend.
If you read a transcript it's all clean. Other people at work don't notice anything when we chat.

OP posts:
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