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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to split holiday cost?

63 replies

Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 15:51

My partner likes to go abroad 2 x per year.
1 week Easter, 2 in summer.
I pay half (1800+700)
I'm finding it a bit tight and I'm thinking that's alot of money for me.
So i said he could take our dd on his own next year.
He earns 45k and i earn 11,200k
Aibu to wonder if we should be paying a percentage rather than half?

OP posts:
serbska · 04/09/2018 15:53

Your shared DD?

And he won't pay more than half for you to all go away as a family, despite earning more?

Thats, well, a bit shit.

How do you work out other costs relating to your joint child?> Hosing? food? Heating? Clothing?

lackingimagination · 04/09/2018 15:54

Why have you ever allowed this and thought it was OK?

WeightorWhite · 04/09/2018 15:56

WTF! You pay 23% of your take home pay and he pays 0.07% (not including DD). Unless you pay for very little else he is being totally unreasonable!

Donna1001 · 04/09/2018 15:57

He earns 4 times more than you?

He should be paying 4 times towards EVERYTHING than you do.

TimetohittheroadJack · 04/09/2018 15:57

Unless there’s a massive drip feed I bet he won’t want to go without you as you do 99.5% of the childcare

Original poster
Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 15:58

I had 2 years of pitiful earnings so he paid for all the hols abroad in full.
5 years as sahm we holidayed in our tourer during term time, he paid.
4 years 30 hours per week i paid half.
This year is first year ive reverted to paying half since 2015.

OP posts:
Iloveacurry · 04/09/2018 15:58

Yes he should pay more. What did he say when you said he should take your DD on holiday by himself?

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 04/09/2018 15:59

You’re together and have a child together and this is how finances are approached? You’re getting shafted, he’s definitely not a ‘partner’ if he doesn’t see you as a team.

TokyoSushi · 04/09/2018 15:59

What? If she's a shared DD and you're expected to pay half then that's ridiculous, as pp have said I'd expect he don't want to go alone as he'll expect you to do the bulk of the childcare!

TimetohittheroadJack · 04/09/2018 16:00

If you are/we’re a sahm then surely family earnings are joint. He did not pay - he used family money

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 04/09/2018 16:00

Why are you still splitting things at all at this stage of a relationship? You say partner so you’re not married... you’re in a very vulnerable position here.

Original poster
Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 16:00

He pays mortgage, bills.
I pay food shopping, my car, dds clothes, uniform, clubs if she joins, pressies for her mates birthday parties, school dinners (although to be fair child ben pays for school dinners).

OP posts:
Openup41 · 04/09/2018 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

TroubledLichen · 04/09/2018 16:02

He earns 4 times more then you and you have a child together?! Ridiculous that he’s expecting you to go back to paying half, is he this tight about everything?

Going forward I’d work out what you can afford from your salary for holidays. Tell him what that figure is and leave it up to him whether he wants contribute more to have several holidays and/or go abroad.

nibblingandbiting · 04/09/2018 16:03

Wow. I've never split a holiday with a partner.
Even the guy I'm seeing at the moment. We don't live together, nor have children. He takes me away and insists on paying. He won't take my cash.

TroubledLichen · 04/09/2018 16:03

Or just pool all your money into one joint account. But I’d bet that he doesn’t want to do that...

Disfordarkchocolate · 04/09/2018 16:07

I'd not be happy. You are a couple with a child. You should be paying a percentage based on income, I bet you do unpaid work at home that he sees as just something you should do but has no value. This sort of crap makes me sad.

GeorgeTheHippo · 04/09/2018 16:09

Have a look at how much each month you have left after bills, then how much he does. Then decide about the holiday

frenchfancy · 04/09/2018 16:10

You say he pays the mortgage and you pay bills. I wonder if your name is on that mortgage. I see red flags!

legolimb · 04/09/2018 16:11

All the money should be pooled.

I don't understand couples splitting costs like this. It's how it would work if you were flatmates.

BigBlueBubble · 04/09/2018 16:11

Sounds like he’s paying for the assets that would be worth something if you split up. And your money is spent on expenses and consumables. So if you split up he gets the house while you have nothing to show for the money you’ve spent. I bet the mortgage is solely in his name too?

Ginger1982 · 04/09/2018 16:12

Nibbling you know that's probably not what the average couple do, right?

Original poster
Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 16:12

My name is also on the mortgage.

OP posts:
Ariclock · 04/09/2018 16:13

Get married as soon as you can op. You're in a vulnerable place financially.

Bimgy85 · 04/09/2018 16:14

You should be paying at the percentage you can afford.. with that huge stretch I would deem fair if the holiday was 1000 he pay 700 and you pay 300. This is the way me and dp would work it out.

I earn more so I pay for more things/ or higher percentage on a split cost. That's fair

Not fair to ask you to split half the cost when he earns 4x.