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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to split holiday cost?

63 replies

Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 15:51

My partner likes to go abroad 2 x per year.
1 week Easter, 2 in summer.
I pay half (1800+700)
I'm finding it a bit tight and I'm thinking that's alot of money for me.
So i said he could take our dd on his own next year.
He earns 45k and i earn 11,200k
Aibu to wonder if we should be paying a percentage rather than half?

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 04/09/2018 16:15

I agree - get married. Don't make work sacrifices for someone who won't get married.

Bimgy85 · 04/09/2018 16:15

And as a long term partnership I would expect to have money pooled. Even if one earns more than the other. You're a family, not boyfriend and girlfriend trying to make things equal!!

BigBlueBubble · 04/09/2018 16:19

I don’t understand why he now wants to split things 50/50 when he’s obviously looked after you and taken you on holiday in the past?

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 04/09/2018 16:21

Why aren’t you married?

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 04/09/2018 16:25

Why aren't you married and why don't you share your money?

Original poster

Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 16:26

I think he views it as my child rearing is over (dd starting high school) and my earnings are the best they've been (pro-rata part-time) so now I pay my way.
To be honest, he dismissed my suggestion that i don't go next year. But seriously, it's more than i can afford.
I'm all for holidays but I'm known for being sensible with money and i live within my means (it's how i can work p.t)

OP posts:

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 04/09/2018 16:27

Also, sod holidays, did he pay into a pension for you during the time that you were a SAHM raising his child?

I'm betting no.

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2018 16:27

Yours is an odd way of handling finances.
Most couples would have one pot of money once dc arrive as you both will contribute in difference ways - one more childcare than the other, one more money than the other for example.

MyDcAreMarvel · 04/09/2018 16:28

What part of partnership does he not understand op. Just pool the money anything else is bizarre.

Original poster

Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 16:30

ETHEL No
I've have 2 historical miniscule pensions from a f.t job and a p.t job.
Plus the one i started this year..local authority.

OP posts:

mum11970 · 04/09/2018 16:31

We are a family, we have one pot of money to spend! I find these percentage set ups very odd.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 04/09/2018 16:33

OP, you staying at home for all those years looking after the child that you have together has been a massive financial benefit to him and a financial detriment to you. And he's being stingy about a holiday?

Have the two of you ever discussed marriage?

Original poster

Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 16:44

We discussed marriage.
Met in 1996
Got house 1997
Got engaged 2003......
Got pregnant 2006..
Got married....?

OP posts:

Eliza9917 · 04/09/2018 16:48

But seriously, it's more than i can afford.

I'm all for holidays but I'm known for being sensible with money and i live within my means (it's how i can work p.t)

You aren't single op, you live with a man that you have a child with, so are effectively married (make sure you do that asap).

arethereanyleftatall · 04/09/2018 16:51

You should pay 0%.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 04/09/2018 16:54

So you've been engaged for 15 years...?

FranticallyPeaceful · 04/09/2018 16:55

That’s so weird. I’m always shocked when I see people in this kind of arrangement

IsTheRainEverComingBack · 04/09/2018 16:58

Getting engaged means you’re going to get married. Tell him you’re doing it now and get on with it.

ShalomJackie · 04/09/2018 16:59

Joint account for all income and all outgoings once you are married!

He has no incentive to marry you. He knows he can walk away with minimal financial obligation

Atalune · 04/09/2018 17:02

Wow- that’s horrible.

All Money in is our family money, regardless of who earns what.

Bug individuals spends are discussed or are saved for Christmas or birthday presents. All money is shared.

Delatron · 04/09/2018 17:04

I don’t get these percentage set ups either. It’s not normal and it is very unfair (to you).

Family money should be pooled! You seriously think the father and daughter should go on holiday together and leave the mum at home because she can’t afford it! After bringing up that child and working part time to look after her? (Whilst losing earnings and pension). I’d be having a very serious money chat with your DP. The whole situation sounds ridiculous and very detrimental to you long term.

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 17:04

I agree with others this man is a ridiculous cheapskate! Even if we had no kids if my partner earned so much less than me no way would I expect them to pay half for a holiday.

TwoOddSocks · 04/09/2018 17:05

I also agree that with his attitude to money you're putting yourself in a massively vulnerable position. This is exactly what marriage is for. You're taking all of the career (and hence pension and future earnings) hit and he's reaping the rewards. Even if you're happy now what about in 10 years time?

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 04/09/2018 17:06

OP seriously, if you want to stay with this man then you need to be making arrangements to get legally married as soon as possible. Once you're married, what's yours is his and what's his is yours, in the eyes of the law, whatever is in your respective bank accounts.

If he has gone off the idea it's probably because he doesn't want to share his money with you. (But is happy to let you stay at home looking after his child.)

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 04/09/2018 17:07

If he has gone off the idea it's probably because he doesn't want to share his money with you. (But is happy to let you stay at home looking after his child.)

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