How to split holiday cost?

[Kemer2018]

My partner likes to go abroad 2 x per year.
1 week Easter, 2 in summer.
I pay half (1800+700)
I'm finding it a bit tight and I'm thinking that's alot of money for me.
So i said he could take our dd on his own next year.
He earns 45k and i earn 11,200k
Aibu to wonder if we should be paying a percentage rather than half?

I honestly don’t understand couples whose finances are so split. Me and DP don’t have children but we class our income as a joint amount. He earns a fair bit more than me but it’s all counted as one pot. There would never be a situation where he would sod off on holiday without me because I couldn’t afford to pay half.

With others it's family money.

If you want separate 'spends' then I see why that works and my X and me did that.
All wages and CB went into an account. We worked out all outgoings. Then worked out a monthly 'leave' amount towards cars, clothes presents and holidays etc which went into another account like a savings account but accessible iyswim?

Then had separate accounts where personal spends went. That's what we used for hobbies, coffees etc.
Our personal spends weren't that high tbh and we discussed if we wanted more etc. It was just easier to know that this money was not accounted for and we didn't need consider other things if we fancied a costa in our way through somewhere!

This is most odd. I've been on both sides of the fence BTW.

Have been the low earner in a relationship, my £25k vs ex-DP'S £60k and he used to take up 2/3 of the slack on things like dinner, going out and holidays. In cases where I could afford to chip in more, pay my own way, or shout dinner,bI would.

In my current four year relationship, we live together in the house I own. I'm on £46k and my DP is on £20k, when we first met in 2014, I was on £32k to his £17k, but we split stuff down the middle as we were "just dating" at the time.

Now we've lived together two years, we have both been promoted through changing jobs and yet due to our differing careers, my payrise is substantially more than his. So I knocked off £100 his household contributions to me and I've paid for our last and upcomg holidays.

We didn't really discuss it, but the way I see it is that we're a partnership, I like nice holidays and meals, so does he, but I understand that my disposal income after bills roughly equates to his take home pay and I can't expect him to try and 'keep up' with the nicer things that I / we on his salary.

When we go away, he will pay for say Airport Lounge Access, a meal or two while abroad and an excursion. Or sometimes, we go 50/50 on those things too.

We acknowledge it, for instance in January this year, I wanted to put a deposit down on a holiday, I asked where we should go, we agreed together and I paid the deposit. I said to him I can afford the installments myself and can he pick up the tab to and from the airport and of course cover his own spends. He agreed.

For me, it's not how much you take home as such, but how much you've got left over after the bills. Why wouldn't I want to share what I have with my DP, with no hesitation?

Good luck sorting it. :)

He earns 4 times your salary and you've been together 20+ years? You're a family unit, not a girlfriend of a few weeks! He should be paying for most of it, with just a small contribution from you. Is he always this tight?!

I GENUINELY do not understand how MARRIED couples don’t just have a pool of money. It’s so bizarre! You are a team! You are a household. Everything you earn is for the benefit of that team, that household. Everything is pooled. I absolutely do not understand the mindset of relationships like the OP’s.

Doesn't sound like any kind of relationship to me.

If you don’t pool money, he needs to pay you for lost cumulative earnings for being the primary caregiver.

We are a family, we have one pot of money to spend! I find these percentage set ups very odd.

I GENUINELY do not understand how MARRIED couples don’t just have a pool of money. It’s so bizarre! You are a team! You are a household. Everything you earn is for the benefit of that team, that household. Everything is pooled. I absolutely do not understand the mindset of relationships like the OP’s
Agree with both these posters. I'd never even heard of long term couples paying percentages towards things until MN. It's even more bizarre when you're discussing who can pay what percentage for the CHILD you have TOGETHER.

I pay food shopping, my car, dds clothes, uniform, clubs if she joins, pressies for her mates birthday parties, school dinners
I can't get my head around the idea that one parent basically takes on financial responsibility for the child/ren. That should be coming out of pooled family money (ditto rent/mortgage). What happens if you didn't have enough money at a time when DD needed new school uniform? She'd have to go without? That's what this set up is telling me.

MN is a whole other world sometimes.

I find this a little odd.

Not to compare but DP and I have been together about a year and no DC yet. He earns ALOT more than me, though I earn 25k. (so not exactly a low wage)

We both put all of our money into a joint account and combine all our incomings/ savings. He says it doesn’t matter who makes what it’s all about if ‘we’ can afford something.

I couldn’t imagine living with separate fiances once DC were involved.
Nothing wrong with it, everyone is different but it just logistically seems awkward to me.

Please don’t forget that you contributed to his being able to build his career and earn well by staying at home with DD.

Any parent who stays at home for a long period is likely to find it harder to compete salary wise with a partner who had been working consistently.

It seems unfair for him to now expect you to financially work separately xx

He pays for DD and you pay for yourself?
Where's the family word here?
I never cease to be horrified at how this can happen in a family.
That's no family to me

This is CRAZY. How other people organise the running of their bank accounts is up to them, but a normal partnership or marriage does not involve a couple going 50/50 on everything when one person earns significantly more.

Sharing is the norm, pooling money and making sure that all money is family money.

Why have you put up with this nonsense for fifteen years??

I agree with other posts, that is no relationship. If it's 'yours and mine' me and dp have always shared everything and split things fairly when we had to. Other then that if I really wanted to do something or go abroad I'd pay the majority because I wanted US to enjoy it and you can't expect someone to keep up with the luxuries you can afford if they cannot.