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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit eeww

95 replies

MrDarceysMistress · 03/09/2018 20:37

Name change for this one

I think I might be overreacting have been seeing a guy for just over a month, everything going swimmingly, he’s smart, funny, kind, cute - I’m quite a smitten kitten.

We’re messaging tonight and the subject of dick pics came up (was jokingly wondering if it’s like a selfie where you take 10 and choose your best side). He responded that he’s only sent unsolicited pics ‘when the horn was quite bad’.

I’m no prude, but unsolicited pictures of hairy willies scream sad desperation to me, as well as showing quite a disrespectful attitude towards the intended recipient. I’m all for a bit of sexy FaceTime with someone I’m committed to, but over dating apps? Ewwww

It’s really making me think differently of him. Am I overreacting??

OP posts:

1CantPickAName · 03/09/2018 22:09

OP, I didn’t read it as being an unsolicited pic. I got the impression that he sent a pic of his own ‘volition’ to someone he had been in contact with and he was returning the favour iygwim? It sounds like you were having a light hearted exchange?
I’d just say that I don’t want to see your pic, face or no face 😉

Notveryhelpful · 03/09/2018 22:09

A male friend unexpectedly sent me a dick pic just to cheer me up one day. It didn’t particularly help. Especially since I was on the bus when I checked his message...

OP he didn’t say he sent an unsolicited picture. I agree with those saying that if he sent a picture during a sexting session this is perfectly okay if both parties were happy/consenting. Admittedly I’ve skimmed the thread, but is there anything to indicate he didn’t know the lady well?

If you have no interest in sexting and dick pics tell him. If he ignores that, you have a problem, if he respects that, you don’t.

1CantPickAName · 03/09/2018 22:11

If everything else is going well, don’t let a misjudged text turn it sour for you.

Some mners are a bit prudish, to say the least!

knittedwoollenmouse · 03/09/2018 22:11

I really wish that men knew their most prized possession actually resembles a plucked chicken with some vacuum fluff stuck onto it that might stop them from sending these ridiculous pictures.

Ain’t nobody wanna see that.

Sunflowerr · 03/09/2018 22:11

Saying "when the horn was quite bad" is worse than sending dick pics IMO. 🤮

Crunchymum · 03/09/2018 22:15

Did you reply OP?

Original poster

MrDarceysMistress · 03/09/2018 22:18

I’ve replied saying ‘I don’t know how to respond to that’. As I don’t lol

OP posts:

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 03/09/2018 22:19

Sending unsolicited cock photos is, well, the behaviour of a dick! Block number and move on.

However, I think people here underestimate quite how frequently text sex / cyber sex / phone sex occurs these days with OLD. When I was online dating it was not completely uncommon for flirty texting to escalate into more risqué exchanges, with both parties playing devils advocate. Those of you thinking it is just men who push conversation into this territory are being very naive.

AsleepAllDay · 03/09/2018 22:22

Unsolicited? No thanks

It can be quite sexy if you both are up for it and want to share pics, are long distance etc

But no way have I ever enjoyed a nude pic sent when I haven't asked for one

FelicisWolf · 03/09/2018 22:48

I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but I’ve only done it once of my own volition 😂 This means he knows it's wrong and he's admitting to you that he's done it, but only once. Obviously never is what is right, but also telling you 'never' is the easy option as he knows that's what you want to hear. Should he be punished for being honest, as in "right that's it, don't ever talk to me again"? I know this is an unpopular opinion, but how much better off would a lot of us be if we had a partner who was completely honest about their past? I say don't act like it's fine, but also don't sack him off straight away because of this one admission. Obviously if there are more things that materialise later/he turns out to be a sex pest then that's a different story.

TeddybearBaby · 04/09/2018 11:37

I agree FelicisWolf!! Everyone has a past. If I got judged on every poor decision I’ve ever made I don’t know where I’d be. There’s more to a person than one lapse in judgement / mistake. Good luck x

fanfan18 · 04/09/2018 12:05

I think i'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

From your post I think you knew exactly what the reaction on this board would be.

I'm surprised he hasn't been called a rapist yet.

I think he'd be better off without you and he should run for the hills from someone who overthinks something so much.

Aspenfrost · 04/09/2018 12:09

It’s a bit of an odd topic to bring up for discussion - considering what followed. Your own fault, I'm afraid.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 04/09/2018 12:24

I think it's twattish to send unsolicited but he did indicate he knew it wasn't ok and seems a bit embarrassed by it (stupid excuse though )

I think I'd be wary and watch for signs of further twattery but as a one off...id be inclined to think he did it and then realised it wasn't ok

I thoroughly enjoy setting, phones sex et al with my DP but I genuinely do not understand the unsolicited thing....has there ever been a woman who's responded " oooh goody never seen me one in real life must get right on that"? Rather like people yelling in the street?

Yes of course some do it because they are controlling assholes but apparently it's quite a common practice now so they can't all be controlling sex offenders surely?

I'm not favoured with them actually(I should probably be offended by that come to think of it but can't be arsed to be )but I know some women who have entire camera rolls with ones they have been sent.

It's all a bit odd and pointless ...men are quite odd (and before anyone moans...i really don't think unsolicited breast pics are quite that widely disseminated )

straightjeans · 04/09/2018 16:15

It's scummy and quite aggressive to force unsolicited dick pics on people.

Kemer2018 · 04/09/2018 16:21

Yuk. Tbh, i would ask why on earth he sent me that.
Dicks are fucking ugly, only negated if they're attached to a decent bloke...not a dirty perv.
To me it shows a lack of respect.

SilverySurfer · 04/09/2018 17:05

Bleurgh, eww, vom, boak, yuk - take your pick. This is so far outside of life as I know it that I simply cannot comprehend why a man would do this.

I am trying to imagine what would have happened during the 1960s/70s when I was dating. A bloke would have taken a photograph using a camera (no mobiles), taken the film to the chemist and waited a week for it to be developed. I'm guessing the film people who saw the prints would then have to be treated for PTSD, the police called, the bloke arrested and that would be the end of a beautiful relationship. Not so much a 'smitten kitten' then I imagine

BoomBoomsCousin · 04/09/2018 17:05

From his text, I wouldn't be certain his pic was entirely unsolicited - as in sent to someone who has expressed no interest in seeing his dick.

I think that's the most likely reading of his text, especially since he prefaces it with "I probably shouldn't be telling you this,". However, it could also mean he's been the first to send a picture when he's been sexting with someone. Which could be a little greyer than just sending it to someone he's only ever met in a work situation, depending on what was said in the sexting. This seems like a possible interpretation because he goes on to say otherwise he's only done it in response to someone sending him a pic, and that implies he does it as part of an exchange (which, after all, someone has to start). But I think that reading of it is a bit stretched and most likely eww is very much the way of it.

(PS - Rhyming rocks but alliteration amazes!)

CrossFlannelCherry · 04/09/2018 17:19

I don't see anything wrong with it. Didn't Mr. Darcy send a water colour miniature of his erect cock to Elizabeth Bennett to woo her? Sorry but such a grubby turn off. It appears romance is officially dead.

BloodyDisgrace · 04/09/2018 17:26

I think he was joking. You said you were jokingly wondering if etc etc, so I presume he followed the banter tone.
I've read the profile of a dude who said he got banned from all escort agencies and that was one of the funniest, personal and interesting profiles among the usual lame bland shit like "love seeing friends and family, travelling bla bla"

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