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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No thanks after a wedding

62 replies

hoppyfarmer · 03/09/2018 17:09

We went to a wedding in April and it wasn't exactly an inexpensive day & night out even though I'm pregnant so only had one of us chucking a load of money over the bar. I put a lot of thought into the gift we gave and we've had absolutely no thanks for it. I'm so tempted to ask if they liked the present or even if they got it because we haven't heard anything. Anyone had this in the past? I just think it's bloody rude.

OP posts:

MarthasGinYard · 03/09/2018 17:11

Seems the norm these days unfortunately but YANBU

Blondiecub0109 · 03/09/2018 17:11

Yes we had a run of it a few years back. Apparently people are grabby and thank you’s Are not the done thing anymore

FelixTitling · 03/09/2018 17:13

I would definitely ask. If only to check whether they got it. Things go missing at weddings, labels fall off etc.

MrsStrowman · 03/09/2018 17:14

That's so rude, we sent thank you cards to everyone who came to ours, regardless of whether they bought us a gift or not. We didn't send them until a few weeks after though as they included some wedding photos. They've had plenty of time from April

Vitalogy · 03/09/2018 17:15

I'd just leave it. You celebrated a special occasion with your loved ones, hopefully having a nice time/day. Handed over a gift. There's really no need for anything more.

GunpowderGelatine · 03/09/2018 17:15

I really think some people think a Facebook status counts as a thank you these days

TokyoSushi · 03/09/2018 17:16

YANBU it is rude, but if the wedding was in April, and it's now September then perhaps you need to move on...

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 03/09/2018 17:19

I had some really awful family issues to deal with very soon after my wedding. No one would ever have known except one or two people.
So it was about 7 months later that I got around to doing the thank you cards.
Some people chased me and I apologised and said thank you. Otherwise the rest had to wait.
It wasnt my priority.

LeftRightCentre · 03/09/2018 17:22

I'm not surprised. A lot of people seem to think they don't need to do them anymore, people should fall over themselves to attend and there's usually a request for you to also hand over money as a gift as well.

holidaycountdown54321 · 03/09/2018 17:24

People probably said this about us, we moved into our new house the day after we got married and didn't actually get around to opening cards for over 2 weeks! We had a small baby and got pregnant a month after we got married too. We were just so busy we never actually got around to doing the thank you cards. It wasn't that we weren't grateful, I guess it got to the point that so much time had passed it was a bit late and then we had another baby so we totally forgot about it.

Original poster

hoppyfarmer · 03/09/2018 17:26

I only realised today because I found the order of service when I was clearing up at home and thought they hadn't sent a thank you out. They've got a very steady life, no excuses really. Perhaps I was just dragged up properly and taught that it's polite to say thank you.

OP posts:

Neverender · 03/09/2018 17:30

I don't think they're necessary and wouldn't expect one from my friends/family.

iklboo · 03/09/2018 17:31

We put all our lovely, personalised thank you cards in the postbox. Some little scrotes charming young scamps blew it up by posting a load of bangers (the fireworks, not sausages) into it. We were away so didn't know it had happened until DH's auntie asked us if we liked her present. It was in the days before the internet as well.

By that time we'd sort of forgotten who have exactly what do we had to resend ones just saying 'thank you for coming and for your lovely gift'

TheActualLastJedi · 03/09/2018 17:31

We didn't send thank yous come to think of it 😳 but on the other hand we only had 18 adults and 3 children at our wedding as guests. We paid for their transport to the venue, 2 nights in a 4 star hotel plus their meal on the wedding day and the night before. All they really paid for was drinks on the day, so I think we're ok.

We did thank them all on the day in a speech, and we had a blast together.

But anyhoo I digress, large weddings I'd say thank yous are the norm afterwards.

iklboo · 03/09/2018 17:31

*who gave what so....'

Lauren6298 · 03/09/2018 17:34

I think the rule is that they have up to their first anniversary to get all the thank you cards out, so you may still get one! It took us ages to do all of ours as we wanted them to be personalised and not just a generic thank you.

FadedRed · 03/09/2018 17:36

Personally I think it's a bit rude not to say thank you for a wedding present, but it would seem from other reply's that it is not uncommon. However, I have received cards six months after the event, so maybe it will yet arrive. I've also heard that some couples have been unfortunate enough to have had presents, and especially cash in envelopes, stolen from their wedding receptions. Hopefully this is not the case.

AppleScoop · 03/09/2018 17:39

A thanks is not optional - it's a necessity. I think that the people who don't realise this have no idea how rude they're being, unfortunately. It's showing gratitude for the time, care and thought someone has taken. A thank you card is the minimum response. Rude, thoughtless, lazy people get my goat. Can't you tell?!

noideawhattodonow · 03/09/2018 17:40

Our wedding was in April, and I sent out thank you cards now I'm worried I've missed one! I'm sorry if I have!

theunsure · 03/09/2018 17:40

We went to 2 weddings this year - no thanks received. It is bloody rude and there are no excuses.

The same people are the same with thank you's after Xmas and Birthdays. I'm not sure I will bother with said people any more. My parents would chop my hands off if I didn't send thank you cards. I do it for all gifts received!

MrsTommyBanks · 03/09/2018 17:42

It took a year for my Nice to send out her Thank You cards.
I thought it was another Wedding invite when the card arrived until I opened it!

Rafflesway · 03/09/2018 17:42

I don’t necessarily expect a “Thank you Card” but I do feel you should at least have received either a verbal thank you or a text/email.

I know how you feel though. We are still awaiting a thank you for a cheque given - which has been cashed - with wedding card in May 2017. 🤔

MiddlingMum · 03/09/2018 17:43

Unless there's a really good reason that you've had no time at all, not sending thank yous is very rude and inconsiderate. I hate the way that manners are being eroded.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/09/2018 17:44

It could be cock-up rather than rpdeliberate rudeness.

When dh and I got married (in the August) we divided up the list of Thank-you letters between us - I wrote the ones to my family and friends, he wrote the ones to his, and we split the mutual friends between us.

I got on and did mine, and assumed he had done his - but he hadn’t. I only found out at Christmas, when I was talking about sending out the Christmas cards, and he owned up. I had to put very apologetic notes in the cards!

glueandstick · 03/09/2018 17:44

I sent ours out the next day. Would have been mortified if I’d left it months.

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