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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No thanks after a wedding

62 replies

hoppyfarmer · 03/09/2018 17:09

We went to a wedding in April and it wasn't exactly an inexpensive day & night out even though I'm pregnant so only had one of us chucking a load of money over the bar. I put a lot of thought into the gift we gave and we've had absolutely no thanks for it. I'm so tempted to ask if they liked the present or even if they got it because we haven't heard anything. Anyone had this in the past? I just think it's bloody rude.

OP posts:

LeftRightCentre · 03/09/2018 17:45

Gah, how rude. Being busy is now an excuse not to thank people. This is one of the reasons we rarely go to weddings these days.

RuggerHug · 03/09/2018 17:46

Some people are under the impression they have a year to send thank you cards. Some people do take that long but it is bad form.

PineapplePrincess · 03/09/2018 17:47

I’ll hold my hand up and admit I didn’t send thank you cards to those that attended our wedding. We didn’t have a present list, and encourage guests to give money towards our honeymoon, which was a last very minute holiday. The wedding was very last minute, planned and organised in three months, despite 12 years in the lead up proposal!?!

I did buy thank you cards and planned to send them out, but circumstances got the better of me. My Mum fell very unwell with sudden onset dementia with Parkinson’s, after losing my Dad to a similar condition before the wedding, life took over.

I regret not sending the cards, as people probably thought we were rude and grabby. But my priorities and energy had to be elsewhere.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that sometimes these things happen. Don’t take it personally, it might not be intented that way.

Original poster

hoppyfarmer · 03/09/2018 17:49

I've seen no reason why they couldn't do them on their incessant posting of their lives on Facebook and they managed to send out invitations and gift list cards to everyone so I really think it's a matter of not bothering.

OP posts:

lightonthewater · 03/09/2018 17:50

I think it's horrendously rude not to thank people for presents, whether they are wedding, birthday or whatever. A text does not suffice either. How much time does it take to write a card and put it in the post? If it isn't the norm anymore, then neither should present buying be the norm.

MrsSnootyPants2018 · 03/09/2018 17:52

We never sent any but did say thank you on the day. I think you're being a little unreasonable.

A wedding is a big day and we all know it doesn't just stop and calm down after that. Just move on.

restingbemusedface · 03/09/2018 17:52

Once I went to a family wedding and gave the couple £250, never had a thank you!

LeftRightCentre · 03/09/2018 17:54

Wow, not even a text or email or PM, just no thanks at all whatsoever.

MrsTommyBanks · 03/09/2018 17:54

Niece not nice

Sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch · 03/09/2018 20:08

I got married in May. Didn't send thank you cards until Christmas. So they were Christmas cards and thank yous in one. We didn't get our professional pictures back until October and I wanted to personalise the cards with a nice picture. Plus I hand wrote a personalised message on each card. I know a few others who have did the same.

Enidblyton1 · 03/09/2018 20:15

Did you send a thank you card to the bride and groom (or the bride’s parents if the invitation was from them)?
When we married, I was surprised how many thank you cards my parents received, thanking them for a wonderful wedding. I now always send a card, but I wonder how many people do?

CrabbyPatty · 03/09/2018 20:18

We meant to send some (even bought the materials to make our own cards) but never got round to it. We're not ungrateful, life just got in the way. We did feel guilty, but I would suggest you give them the benefit of the doubt and move on.

SoozC · 03/09/2018 20:20

It took me 4 months, mainly due to having Ofsted at work, then a miscarriage. We doubled them up as Christmas cards. I do hope no one was feeling upset we hadn't sent them out for a while but we had other things to think about.

Mrskeats · 03/09/2018 20:22

It’s v rude.
Yanbu

InezGraves · 03/09/2018 20:26

I think a lot of people wait and send thank yous as Christmas cards and/or wait until they have got their photos back so they can include one. I believe trad etiquette gives you a full year to send them. It’s not something I would lose any sleep over, but then again, we didn’t have any guests at our wedding.

WipsGlitter · 03/09/2018 20:26

It is rude. Out of curiosity, did you send a thank you for attending the wedding?

SlowTango · 03/09/2018 20:26

This is a real peeve of mine. As you say OP, they always manage to get their invites and gift lists out to everyone.

I actually still find it irritating when the thank you card is a wedding picture of the couple with a generic, printed on thank you message. It suggests to me that they actually have no idea what you gave them, your present got put in a pile and they just want to show off a photo of themselves from the day (as if we haven’t seen thousands of them already on Facebook!) They probably took ages picking out that photo and then they can’t even spend a minute to write a quick personal note on it. That being said , at least those people have sent something which I guess is better than no acknowledgement at all.....

cadburyegg · 03/09/2018 20:27

YANBU but sometimes life takes over as detailed as other posters have mentioned. But sometimes it is people being rude and grabby.

That being said someone gave us vouchers and we never thanked them because they just put the vouchers in an envelope with no card so we didn’t know who it was from.

CherryPavlova · 03/09/2018 20:29

It’s rude. In my world guests usually send the hosting parents a thank you card and the bride and groom write thank you notes for their presents. Everything is so much simpler when tradition is upheld!

Mummaloves · 03/09/2018 20:33

I think if they have time to sent out a shitty poem asking for money, or a gift list, they have time to send thank you cards !

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 03/09/2018 20:39

I think it's the norm. I never got thanked for the presents and personalised card I gave a best friend, apart from the wedding breakfast tea I'd chucked in as an after thought, which was mentioned in passing. I assume she didn't like that I hadn't given the requested cheque. I was embarrassed that I couldn't write a generous one after spending money on her hen & the wedding. I also couldn't afford a holiday, so I resented funding her honeymoon.

Dollymixture22 · 03/09/2018 20:39

I have also noticed no thank you notes for baby gifts anymore. Though understand it is a very busy and stressful time - so not too put out!

ionising · 03/09/2018 20:40

What is wrong with saying thank you at the time as the present is given or as you leave?

Too much is wasted on cards for every occasion. I quite like the go paperless method.?

GunpowderGelatine · 03/09/2018 20:42

I'm not having that people are too busy to rattle out a handful of thank you cards. It takes what an hour each? Come on, it's incredibly rude to have people fork out a small fortune, accept a gift and not say thank you

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/09/2018 20:44

It's rude....

Seriously.... they've given up a day of their time to come and celebrate and spent money and time buying a gift....

and you can't spare 15 minutes to write a thank you note?? Unless you're in ICU /someone close has died... There really is no excuse

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