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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry that DH has paid BILs phone bill - AGAIN?!

71 replies

l0stmummy · 03/09/2018 00:56

Already having a nightmare with DH. This is just the cherry on top.

Back in June, we went away as a family to Wales. Myself, DH, DD, MIL, BIL, SIL and SILs husband. MIL bought a Data package on hers and BILs contract, incase anyone needed to check work emails, facebook etc. DH and I didn't use it as we already have data with our phones. However, BIL (18) used this playing his Xbox and YouTube on his phone for about 8hours a night over the week we were away. MIL didn't set a limit on the data usage and racked up a £250 bill.

We aren't exactly rolling in money, but we make ends meet. MIL insisted that BIL couldn't have used it all himself and said we should contribute. We paid half (despite my grumbling).

BIL and DH are quite close and talk on the phone alot, either catching up, or while gaming together (don't get me started!). DH would pretty much always call BIL. But alot of the time BIL would miss the call but call DH back. A few days ago we get a grumpy visit from MIL. He's racked up another £200 phone bill this time, and BIL blames DH. Apparently BIL had a limit on his minutes and went over by calling DH. Obviously DH didn't know this. BIL doesn't work, has no income so MIL insisted we pay again. I said no, as not our responsibility.

I just went onto the shared bank account (for bills and savings) to see if the rent money that goes out today had come through from DHs personal account yet (often have trouble with it). And right at the top of the transactions is £200 to MIL ref:Phone.

I'm furious right now. This is money we should be saving up for bills and food and DDs future. NOT paying an 18 year old ADULTS phone bill!!

AIBU and stuck up or is this just bloody ridiculous?!

OP posts:
Uncreative · 03/09/2018 00:57

YANBU

TawnyTeal · 03/09/2018 01:20

I'd be upset, too.

What plan is in place so that it doesn't happen again for the next bill, and so on? If a strategy isn't put in place, every bill will end up being expected to be paid......

Havabiscuit · 03/09/2018 01:34

No this is crazy. BIL is taking no responsibility for himself. I don’t understands MIL role in this, she should be parenting, not trying to get some one else to pay off the debts he is racking up.
I too would be fuming. It takes me a long time to earn that amount of money. I don’t see that his phone bill is your responsibility at all

pastaandpestoagain · 03/09/2018 01:36

18 doesn't seem that old to me and over the years I have paid for a lot of things for my younger siblings. But he shouldn't spend joint money without letting you know. The key is to have another plan, WhatsApp maybe?

TroubledLichen · 03/09/2018 01:43

I’d be livid, that he paid it at all is bad enough but out of the joint account without even mentioning to you. YANBU.

Adversecamber22 · 03/09/2018 02:18

As much as the actual issue is the use of joint money and the rolling over and doing as he is told like a submitting dog to his Moth r regarding his selfish younger brother. Why on earth are they not calling each other on wifi using one of the many apps that are totally free.

Cloglover · 03/09/2018 02:46

Yanbu. Definitely not no. Mil needs to take responsibility for her child if she is not going to expect him to take responsibility for himself. It sounds like your partner is taking a paternal role with his younger brother? Does he always just give in to his mother's demands?

Maccy2018 · 03/09/2018 02:59

You have every right to be angry I would be too, I think mil & bil need to ring up the mobile phoney company & get the bill capped so that it doesn’t go over a certain amount or change plan or even get a pay as you sim most companies now for £20 per month give you unlimited calls & texts & a certain amount of data. Bil is never going to learn to stand on his own 2 feet if mil keeps running to you or pays the bills herself, he’s an 18 year old adult maybe he stop playing video games & get a job (unless he is still in full education then that’s a different story) this is just my opinion x

MissionItsPossible · 03/09/2018 03:04

YANBU at all. I find myself in similar situations. Drives me crazy

Mama2017 · 03/09/2018 03:16

YANBU .. I racked up phone bills at 14 and started paying for my own phone on pay as you go at 16 .. so your MIL is creating the situation .. she can easily call the company and ask for a cap on usage but hasn't done this twice now and yes - using Xbox online and streaming videos uses ALOT of data so I'm not surprised at the £250 bill! .. You don't call people then ask them for money for the call - it's not normal .. and it's easy to get a break down of the bill and calls to see if it really was a call to your DH that racked up a £200 bill! .. seems like MIL expects your DH to bail out her (technically adult) son and that's ridiculous - she's the mother giving him free access to these things so she needs to take some responsibility and get him to get a job and pay the bills himself so he understands the value of money! If he can't act responsibly with the contract then just give him a pay as you go sim.
No wonder your furious - I'm fuming for you!

Graphista · 03/09/2018 03:24

Utterly ridiculous state of affairs!

Bil shouldn't be running the bills up, he's more than old enough to know better, geez my dd knew better at 12!!

Mil needs to take some responsibility too. Partly she raised him! Partly it's legally her account. She needs to put a hard cap on it so he CAN'T go over! Who are they with? Although frankly if I were her I'd cut him off altogether!

Dh needs to stop being a bloody pushover as far as THEIR DEBT is concerned! (And not contribute it by encouraging bil to communicate via expensive methods).

I have dd and I on Tesco (it's cheaper to have both on one account gets us a discount - but dd pays for her phone by transferring the money to me - she's 17) they have it that you literally cannot go over on mins/data it just cuts you off past a buffer point. Some companies are better than others for this.

I'm assuming mil is also perfectly old and able enough to sort this! I can't imagine she's much older than me (46) either so not too old to deal either.

Logits · 03/09/2018 03:26

He's racked up another £200 phone bill this time, and BIL blames DH. Apparently BIL had a limit on his minutes and went over by calling DH.

There's no way in hell that calling your DH has cost £200.

Logits · 03/09/2018 03:30

Your BIL is a lying little shit and your DH is stupid for paying the bill.

CatchingACold · 03/09/2018 03:45

You can get unlimited Ee packages for less than £30 a month

RebootYourEngine · 03/09/2018 04:04

You are quite right to be annoyed at your dh. There is no way that bill is your dhs fault. BIL needs to learn how to be an adult

AgentJohnson · 03/09/2018 06:53

Apparently irresponsibility is a family trait. Your H is a mug and is prepared to use family money to be a mug. He knows the score, so there’s no point talking to him but I would insist it came out of his personal spends and that obligations regarding bills and savings are met first. Let the consequence of his actions impact him alone.

JagerPlease · 03/09/2018 07:28

£200 over on phone calls? Unless he's on the phone all day and night I highly doubt it! Does Mil have WiFi? Sounds to me like he's gaming on his data which is utterly ridiculous. YANBU, your DH is being taken for a ride and needs to shut this down now

Returnofthesmileybar · 03/09/2018 07:36

I can't believe you paid the first time!

MissusGeneHunt · 03/09/2018 07:38

YANBU op, I'd be furious. MIL needs to sort a cap, BIL needs to grow up and take responsibility. Your DH was obviously trying to help your MIL but was BU by not talking to you about it first as it was a joint account. Needs sorting!

winegummms · 03/09/2018 07:41

Wow that takes the p*! Maybe time to separate your money and like a PP says - if he wants to subsidise his brother and stop him growing up - let him do it with his own spending money.

areyoubeingserviced · 03/09/2018 07:44

I would be concerned about your dh’s lack of backbone.
Why the hell should he pay for his brother’s bill?
MIL needs to take responsibility for her own ‘child’.
I think that BIL is addicted to gaming, and your MIL doesn’t know how to deal with it, so she just passes the financial burden to your dh , rather than deal with the gaming addiction

Whyohsky · 03/09/2018 07:46

I’d be upset too, OP.

IAmAllAstonishment · 03/09/2018 07:54

YANBU

But if you let this slide it WILL keep happening.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 03/09/2018 07:54

YANBU at all. The thing is, while MIL is clearly taking the piss with your DH, she's doing BIL no favours either.
Financial responsibility is learned, and the more someone bails out people like BIL the worse they get, as they learn that there's always someone to pick up after them if they overspend. Then they either spend their life reliant on other pepole, or they get into serious financial difficulty once they have to manage without the safety net as they no longer have a reasonable idea of budgeting.

As pp have said, there's almost no way that the £200 bill was from calling DH, and you should be able to see from the bill breakdown. (If either object - well, if you're having to pay it, I think you're justified in seeing why the bill is so high!). If not, can you phrase it to MIL as "we want to make sure BIL isn't being stung by hidden charges" etc.

acatcalledjohn · 03/09/2018 07:57

Your DH used £200 of your shared money without your agreement? I'd be livid.

Tell him to pay £200 back in to the joint account and in future only ever pay stuff like that from his personal account.