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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry that DH has paid BILs phone bill - AGAIN?!

71 replies

l0stmummy · 03/09/2018 00:56

Already having a nightmare with DH. This is just the cherry on top.

Back in June, we went away as a family to Wales. Myself, DH, DD, MIL, BIL, SIL and SILs husband. MIL bought a Data package on hers and BILs contract, incase anyone needed to check work emails, facebook etc. DH and I didn't use it as we already have data with our phones. However, BIL (18) used this playing his Xbox and YouTube on his phone for about 8hours a night over the week we were away. MIL didn't set a limit on the data usage and racked up a £250 bill.

We aren't exactly rolling in money, but we make ends meet. MIL insisted that BIL couldn't have used it all himself and said we should contribute. We paid half (despite my grumbling).

BIL and DH are quite close and talk on the phone alot, either catching up, or while gaming together (don't get me started!). DH would pretty much always call BIL. But alot of the time BIL would miss the call but call DH back. A few days ago we get a grumpy visit from MIL. He's racked up another £200 phone bill this time, and BIL blames DH. Apparently BIL had a limit on his minutes and went over by calling DH. Obviously DH didn't know this. BIL doesn't work, has no income so MIL insisted we pay again. I said no, as not our responsibility.

I just went onto the shared bank account (for bills and savings) to see if the rent money that goes out today had come through from DHs personal account yet (often have trouble with it). And right at the top of the transactions is £200 to MIL ref:Phone.

I'm furious right now. This is money we should be saving up for bills and food and DDs future. NOT paying an 18 year old ADULTS phone bill!!

AIBU and stuck up or is this just bloody ridiculous?!

OP posts:
WeirdAndPissedOff · 03/09/2018 08:00

I also notice that in the family trip SIL wasn't asked to pay half? Not that it would have been fair on her either, but I wonder if DH has grown up being the one who bails out MIL/BIL financially?
If that's the case, it will be really difficult for him to say no, but he needs to learn sooner rather than later.
I've been there, and am now halfway down a road of debt and family resentment which I'm not sure things can ever fully recover from. And the ones who were being bailed out have never got on top of their finances, except now they are having to deal with the fallout as their various cash cows have been bled dry. But I honestly think they no longer have the ability to manage their own finances, as they've been enabled for so long.

That being said, there will be a lot of manipulation, guilt tripping etc to endure for both of you, and it might be quite difficult for DH, particularly if he is used to conceding to MIL.

LakieLady · 03/09/2018 08:05

YANBU. DH should make it clear that this is the last time he will do this.

I don't understand how BIL has managed to go so far over his usage on a capped contract. Is MIL being straight with DH about this, do you think?

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/09/2018 08:05

Dh is being used as a cash cow. They know he's a soft touch.

I would be livid.

Billben · 03/09/2018 08:07

18 doesn't seem that old to me

At the age of 18 I was living abroad on my own and working to keep the roof over my head.

I would be livid if my husband had done this. I would be paying a visit on my own to both MIL and BIL and would be putting them straight on a few things. No way in hell would I be paying for somebody else to sit on their arse gaming.

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/09/2018 08:08

YANBU, get DH to pay out of his own money, not joint if he wants to drop it into a bottomless pit.

But if you DH wants to help BIL, he needs to tell him to make sure he's on a phone contract that's appropriate to his needs.

It's almost certainly the gaming that's caused the big bills not the phone calls, because most contracts have loads or unlimited calls these days and it's the data that gets expensive when outside contract allowances.

So he needs a contract with enough data for gaming, which is likely to include unlimited or thousands of minutes for calls anyway, and he also needs to use wifi where possible. Do they have wifi where BIL lives? If not, they need to get that as well if he's gaming a lot at home, because it's probably cheaper to buy data for home internet than mobile.

LittleBookofCalm · 03/09/2018 08:09

No way is that even your responsibility!
shocking attitude

Ledkr · 03/09/2018 08:09

My 15 year old racked up and bill and her phone was cut off unruly she paid it all back by working. She was also told in no uncertain terms how this was unacceptable and not to happen again.
Why is this 18 year old being so babied!

diddl · 03/09/2018 08:22

"Your BIL is a lying little shit and your DH is stupid for paying the bill."

Yup!

Not even having the sense to pay from his own account!

Shoxfordian · 03/09/2018 08:26

Yanbu

Is he so used to catering to his family's unreasonable behaviour though that it makes him a people pleaser? It sounds like he needs some help separating himself from their expectations and being his own man

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 03/09/2018 08:29

Wow - not sure who I'd be more furious with. DH for paying it from joint funds is up there, but also MIL for pandering to BIL to the point he's repetitively doing this and not putting limits on his account, then back to DH for falling for it.

FWIW I have a set limit on my account that I can go over so this can't happen. I've got mine at £10. So does DH (not sure what his limit is). We're not with the same network. It's a pretty standard offer.

LagunaBubbles · 03/09/2018 08:32

Good luck, unless this is stopped right now they will see you as a bank. What did your DH say?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 03/09/2018 08:37

By paying the BiL's bill, your MiL and your DH are enabling him to rack up these expensive bills.
Your DH would be better off putting in controls on the BiL's phone than to keep paying.
MiL and BiL should be told this is the last time a bill will be paid and it is up to BiL to pay for his own phone now that he is an adult. He should get a job to pay for it or else the phone will be cut off.

Best of luck!

Chugalug · 03/09/2018 08:52

He's 18 not 8... oh my god I'd be furious,bill knows exactly how to get round yr dh

FrangipaniBlue · 03/09/2018 08:57

18 doesn't seem that old to me

Eh???

At 18 I bought my first house and was managing all the associated running costs and bills, but this 18yr old cant even manage a phone bill???

Do give over.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 03/09/2018 08:59

DH (although not responsible for doing this) should tell BIL & MIL to set up controls on his phone or via his network, install and use the network app, and then not pay again. Pretty much all networks will have an app to track usage and many will contact you when you're close to the limit. Lots will stop you using data when you reach your limit, especially if you call them.

It is not unreasonable that he wants to help/support his brother (although I'd say unwise in the circumstances), it is unreasonable that he does it with family money without discussion.

ThanosSavedMe · 03/09/2018 09:02

Absolutely ridiculous. My 11 year old manages her phone better than your bil. If someone keeps paying his bill, he will keep racking up charges. I would also be asking for an itemised bill so you could see exactly what is costing what.

Your mil and dh are both idiots. There is no way I’d be happy with this.

Rudgie47 · 03/09/2018 09:05

Your husband is being totally rinsed by these two, tell him it stops now otherwise you will be thinking again about your relationship with him. You cant go on like this, they are lying and bleeding him dry. What about when you cant pay an essential bill because of these two doing this?

Andtheresaw · 03/09/2018 09:16

Your BIL needs a capped account if he can't keep track.
Your DH needs a kick up the arse.
YANBU. I'd be furious too.

Clutterbugsmum · 03/09/2018 09:23

18 doesn't seem that old to me

And there in lies the problem, for some reason some people now the think 18 isn't that old, where as a generation age at 18 if you were not still in education you had a full time job and paid you own way because you were an adult, and most people at university had part time jobs.

At what age do you think children now become adults 25, 30.

Anyway back to OP,

You need to have a strongly worded conversation with your DH that he cannot put his brother or mother above you family home. He needs to set up a Direct Debit on his payday to transfer his contribution to your joint household costs. You will remove his access to the house account as this is not for his personal spending. He also has to pay back the £200 (and any other BILs bills he paid from this account).

If he wants to pay their bills then it comes out of his own account.

BunsOfAnarchy · 03/09/2018 09:27

Your DH needs to grow a pair. His brother will not learn. Neither will your MIL
Also who even does 'minutes' now? Most cheap contracts are unlimited minutes and he can easily use wifi for free whatsapp calls.

Id have lost it with all 3. Told bil to sell his xbox to pay if he had to! Ridiculous behaviour

BlackandGold · 03/09/2018 09:29

I would say that the 18 year old BIL has a bigger problem here, seemingly gaming addiction.
This needs tackling at source before it causes even more problems.

daughterofanarchy · 03/09/2018 09:31

I would be going mental at DH for being such a walkover!

Justgivemesomepeace · 03/09/2018 09:32

This is odd. There is no way he has racked up those kind of charges ringing anyone unless they are premium rate lines or international calls. Very unlikely also that they are data charges. My guess is that he is charging things from his xbox/playstation/Google play/Microsoft etc to his phone bill. We get loads of this at work. She needs to take some responsibility and sort it out as he will just carry on doing it once he's started.
If it is call charges/data charges then she needs to ring her provider and get him on a more appropriate tariff. It's not for you or your husband to pay. That's ridiculous.

daughterofanarchy · 03/09/2018 09:32

Sorry posted too soon. I would also b inclined to have a word with MIL and asking her if she realises hownstupid it is to blame your DH for BIL calling him and going over his allowance!

BarbaraofSevillle · 03/09/2018 09:36

Very unlikely also that they are data charges

It's possible. Out of bundle data can be very expensive and gaming uses fuckloads of data. Have you never heard of the people who come back from abroad having racked up £3k phone bills because they spent their holidays watching youtube on their phones?