AIBU to be annoyed at my DDs dance performance?

[PrincessWatermelon]

I genuinely don't know if I'm being precious about this.

My 2 DDs (3 and 6) do a dance class on a Sat morning. The lady who runs it is v enthusiastic and runs a number of other classes through the week. Today they had a performance at the local music hall. It was a big deal and everyone was excited. It was the first time a show had been put on.

I knew they were only going to be in one part of it, as they only did one class. And I didn't mind the cost of over £100 once costumes and tickets had been bought.

However, rehearsal was from 9am this morning and the show at 2pm. They came on stage at 4:30 for maximum of 15 mins and the show finished after 6pm. So it was 4 hours long and they'd been there for 5 hours before that.

My AIBU is that they were required to be backstage (downstairs) the whole time except when they were physically on stage. They were in groups in small rooms. They weren't allowed out of the rooms and even had their packed lunch in there. So from 9am-6pm with presumably 15mins of dance in the morning and 15mins of dance in the afternoon. My DD6 especially was upset and a bit distressed by how bored and cooped up she was. They weren't told to bring books or colouring or anything.

Is this normal and AIBU?

For the 3 year old, no not appropriate. Our school normally just asked for a fixed time for a quick rehearsal and then out of the theatre after the interval.

For the 6 year old, normal in my experience. DD did 4 shows in 6 years and always was in the theatre for hours, twice they had rehearsals before, with her current school they have rehearsal in the morning and 2 shows in the afternoon and evening.

But the school should have advised about bringing books and sticker books, colouring. They are obviously concerned about staining costumes so we can only bring pencils, not felt tip.

Costs, this year it was £35 for 4 costumes, several were hired, plus 2x£18 tickets, DD had 4 pieces (she does 2 classes, they mix age groups often) The younger they are the less they do so the less costs for costumes.

@PrincessWatermelon yes it does appear they broke the guidelines. But equally you cannot let children go wandering. As a chaperone I cannot let the children under my charge out of my sight without them being officially signed out by a responsible adult and then back in again. So logistically it can be very difficult. However that said it would seem that your show was excessive.

At DD's dance school, a show day might have the older ones arriving at 10, and the very youngest arriving at 12. Littlies rehearse last. Lunch break for everyone, chaperoned outside if at all possible.

I've only chaperoned once, but we took along colouring and Hama beads and stickers and stuff to keep them entertained but quiet.

All younger children's dances are in first half of show, then they all come round to the front of the auditorium and sit in classes with their chaperones to watch the second half of the show. Absolute maximum a couple of hours, then they all go back on stage to take their bows.

Shows themselves are very, very slick - basically 1 group off, stage lights down then straight up for the next dance.

FYI DD’s recent show cost me £200 for costumes (8 numbers). Tickets were £12 each. Plus new jazz shoes at £20. Plus tights, underwear, hair stuff etc another £40.

So it’s not cheap but I can keep all her costumes (and sell them on eventually) or they may get reused in the next show too.

Some years ago we had a similar situation except that the 'chaperones' were all teenagers who were also performing so were distracted and over-excited. When I enquired as to whether those over 18 were DBS checked, I was told that was none of my business.

Also the fire exits were blocked with clothing rails full of costumes and the fire alarm in the venue was faulty. I only know this because it is identical to the one I used at my place of work and I saw the board with the fault light displayed and that it was silenced.

While the children were queuing to go onstage for the finale, they were packed into a hallway where the exit to outside opened inwards and there was a table across it so nobody could have opened it in a fire. I moved the table to outside the door, which earned me a telling off from the ballet teacher's mother.

Obviously my DD did no more of their shows. I tried to find out who to complain to and there was no-one.

Parents need to be nosy in these circumstances and not just trust that their children are safe. Ours weren't.

My 7 year old DD goes to a very traditional, long-established ballet school. Their junior show (up to Grade 3, around age 10) lasted for 1 hour. YANBU at all, change your dance school!

I agree with the general consensus that this was far too long for children of this age to be cooped up backstage, and the teacher should be looking into the regulations about how long children can be in the theatre for without leaving. She should have either scheduled for the younger children to leave and return later, or come later on which is what I do in my dance school. And the expected timings of the show day should have been laid out from the start so that you knew what to expect before you committed.
However YABVVVVU gong backstage at the interval!! This completely breaches child safeguarding, and the regulations laid out by your local council. Teachers have to jump through hoops regarding chaperone licensing and backstage helpers, and unless you are DBS checked AND listed as a registered helper or licensed chaperone for that specific performance on the paperwork that the teacher submitted to the council, then you are creating a safeguarding issue. And if she holds a BOPA licence, even more so, as you will have breached this too. Imagine if every child's mum / dad / granny / uncle / auntie decided to "pop backstage during the interval" - it would be bedlam, and no way could the backstage team keep track of everyone or be able to keep the children safe and accounted for. How do the volunteers in each dressing room know who is a parent and who isn't, especially if their child is in a different class to yours? Anyone could declare that they know one of the children and ask to be admitted to the changing areas!

Far too long, that’s ridiculous, did the dance teacher think they were doing Hamlet? One and a half hours is quite long enough for children, no wonder they got bored, I bet the audience did.

I tried to find out who to complain to and there was no-one

The dance teacher presumably has dance teaching qualifications and should be a member of a professional body such as RAD or ISTD etc, so you could report health and safety / safeguarding breaches to the examining body.
Also whoever the venue belonged to.
Also the local authority, which has the right to enter and inspect premises being used for performances, and to check that chaperone & performance licences are in order.
And particularly the fire brigade about the fire alarm and the exits being blocked. That is horrific.

(I wouldn't have let my dc go back there either)

Your 3 year old was in a room without a parent all day? Bad enough for your 6 year old but no chance in hell I'd leave a 3 year old all day with 'chaperone' supervision unless it was at school

Yanbu that sounds bonkers, our dance show has the little ones (under 7's) do their own mini show which lasts about 20 mins, then there's an interval whilst the little ones get handed back to parents who can choose to take them home or stay and watch the show with their kids.
They have to get there in costume 1 hour before. It works really well and is stress free for all concerned.

Person to complain to is the Children in entertainment at the council. They'll be a contact telephone number and email on the webpage.
I would encourage you to complain to them as they can let the dance school know this isn't acceptable for future shows-they won't take it from parents by my experience.

This is way over the performance hours (dance schools often think they're above such things, but they're not). For age 5-8yo off hand they cannot be in the theatre more than 5 hours including rehearsals and performances, 8 hours for age 8+ and less (3? hours, I don't work with under 5s) for under 5s.

Yes you need to complain to the “Child Employment & Entertainment Licensing Officer” of the council that covers the dance school. If only to be sure they stick to the law next time.

DD went to a well run school. Shows were every two years. Rehearsals in the theatre were one the weekend before and one Wednesday evening. The shows were Friday and Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon. The tiny ones were on first and could then be taken home.
The whole show was nowhere near 4 hours.

OP Sorry your family had such a different experience!

Yes you need to complain to the “Child Employment & Entertainment Licensing Officer” of the council that covers the dance school. If only to be sure they stick to the law next time.
I'll put bets they didn't licence it at all. They should have had either a body of Person licence to cover all the children or each child needs to be licenced separately (so you'd have received a copy at home)

That's dance life

YANBU.

My DD4 was in a dance school show recently. Like your DDs she was only in 1 dance. We also paid £15 per ticket, plus £20 for her costume.

This was the order of events....
She had one dress rehearsal a week before the show for an hour. On the day of the show we dropped her off at 6.30pm. The show started at 7. Her dance lasted 5 minutes at about 7.30 and at 8pm it was the interval. We could either take her home or she could watch the second half with us. She chose the latter and the show ended at about 10.15pm. A very slick show, with at least 100 dancers from age 3-18. The dance school has been running for years.

Your dance school sounds like it needs a few years to perfect their show! 2 hours should be ample for a dance show

Also be aware that not all children need to be licensed. They can do up to 4 days performances in 6 months without one so there is a chance the school didn’t need any licenses. However any child that had reached this limit by being in other shows would have had to be licensed. Only licensed children require a registered chaperone to be responsible for them. Or they could have had a ‘body of persons’ license which covers the whole performance without the need for individual children to be licensed... but these are normally only given out to organisations that have a proven track record of doing things 100% by the book. So unlikely.

In the event that your dance school didn’t need a license for any children that were performing (unlikely) they still need to follow the regulations for child employment. More likely they’ve failed to get a proper license as they should have done. Either way it needs reporting.

Excessive but that is dance life im afraid.

I can honestly say that im glad my DD has outgrown this. It was just painful.

Too much money and too tiring - i use to end up with an exhausted child at the end of it all.

This sounds really wrong. The appropriate person at the council should be told. They are breaking regulations on how long younger children are allowed to be there.

I have been a chaperone for a dance school for the last 5 years and we have to be follow very stringent rules about this. If the council find out they are breaking them they could lose the right to have any performances at all, which could spell the end for a dance school!

Justnoclue
Each child still needs to be registered with the council and the performance given a body of persons licence even if they haven't performed in the last 6 months.
And more to the point, they are still under the legal regulations, which this dance school has clearly breached.

Four hours is beyond ridiculous. DDs' shows used to be about 2.5 hours and that seemed interminable as it was.

Ours is quite a small dance school, the dance show is once every two yewrs. They do it all in one day because they can only fund the stage hire for one day, no option of dress rehearsal the day before. We don't have to pay for costumes, the class teacher makes them. We just have to ensure hair is done as requested.

I would say though, that at 5, DD was far more aware and affected by the whole thing than when she was at 3. At three it was a new experience, being without us for the day (they made sure that the mum of the girl whose home language wasn't English was a parent helper), packed lunch etc. Treated it as a great adventure. When they were 5, it was a bit different. They had the awareness that they would be dancing in front of lots of people and were more nervous and on edge all round.

Yep, completely normal.

Having to sit through those shows was always excruciating, they went on and on and on and on. If DH and I were both there we would flip a coin as to who could drown the horror out (our venues always had a bar). The unlucky person just had to sit it out sober willing death to come for them.

The kids never had s problem with it though. They were able to run around a bit during rehearsal while other groups were on the stage and when the show was on they did have to sit and wait it out in performance waiting areas but the chaperones always kept them occupied with games like duck, duck, goose; heads down thumbs up, clapping games etc To be honest after what we had to suffer through for hours the kids had it good .

Not sure if you had the same but they made sure all kids were involved in the grand finale number so they didn’t lose too many guests (those that didn’t have to take kids home with them). Tricky buggers.

Witchend not with our council. DD was not licensed this time as she’d not performed in the last 6 months. Several children were however and those needed licensed chaperones like myself. I had it easy this time as I only had 2 in my chaperone care yet around 8 were in our dressing room. None of the others needed licenses. The rest of the children required parental consent and enough parent helpers signed up, but only the licensed children needed chaperones.

Our dance school still notifies the council of the event of course and then the specific licenses for those who need them are issued.

A body of persons license (a blanket license that covers the whole event) is rarely given out by our council unless the organisation can prove its track record for child safety.

The law still applies of course, just that not every child will have an actual license.

I sat in a meeting with our head of child employment just 2 months ago discussing this. They are very stringent and have even done surprise inspections on our events before, stopping anything that wasn’t 100% by the book.