AIBU to be annoyed at my DDs dance performance?

[PrincessWatermelon]

I genuinely don't know if I'm being precious about this.

My 2 DDs (3 and 6) do a dance class on a Sat morning. The lady who runs it is v enthusiastic and runs a number of other classes through the week. Today they had a performance at the local music hall. It was a big deal and everyone was excited. It was the first time a show had been put on.

I knew they were only going to be in one part of it, as they only did one class. And I didn't mind the cost of over £100 once costumes and tickets had been bought.

However, rehearsal was from 9am this morning and the show at 2pm. They came on stage at 4:30 for maximum of 15 mins and the show finished after 6pm. So it was 4 hours long and they'd been there for 5 hours before that.

My AIBU is that they were required to be backstage (downstairs) the whole time except when they were physically on stage. They were in groups in small rooms. They weren't allowed out of the rooms and even had their packed lunch in there. So from 9am-6pm with presumably 15mins of dance in the morning and 15mins of dance in the afternoon. My DD6 especially was upset and a bit distressed by how bored and cooped up she was. They weren't told to bring books or colouring or anything.

Is this normal and AIBU?

The teacher sounds very inexperienced to be honest. She/he needed a timetable for the morning with specific slots of time for each dance to rehearse. A full run through in order isn't that vital in a dance show really as the dances are all self contained.

It's not unusual to be kept in one room during the show though. You don't want to be all ready to go on to find that one of your dancers has nipped out to see mum! Re you going in and getting told off- you presumably don't have a DBS for the role and so shouldn't be in changing rooms when other people's children are getting ready.

Sorry, the teacher is a she.

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachmentdata/file/401345/ChilddperformanceanddactivitieslicensingglegislationinnEngland--departmentaladvicee-_final.pdf

These are the regulations. Exemptions are listed in 1.3 but dance schools do not automatically get one. They should definitely have been given a break outside the hall between rehearsal and performance.

Yes, I agree that I shouldn't have gone backstage. Not that it matters, but I'm fully DBS checked for other roles I have and am well known to the chaperone who was with the girls. But that's beside the point. I shouldn't have done that - I didn't think through the implications/perceptions. So I will take that on board, thank you.

I’d definitely have gone backstage.

DD dances and does shows. I am a registered chaperone.

Re costs. They sound ok. £20-40 per costume. £10-£15 per ticket. Plus shoes and accessories.

The show sounds very long. I’ve attached a picture of our councils rules so you can compare.

Also, in all DD’s shows, the young ones have been fully entertained whilst waiting with games, snacks etc. Just to make it fun for them.

Mine did this once too. They had to be dropped off at 9am and they did two shows..... 1 at 3pm and 1 at 6pm. DD was absolutely beyond it by the time we'd got her from backstage, and refused to go to any more classes!! They'd literally been sat in a side room for all that time.... hair and make up took 2 minutes.

YANBU that sounds excessive!

When I was involved in something similar there was a morning rehearsal with kids signed in to chaperones so either on stage or in dressing rooms. Then a break for lunch so kids signed back out to their parents and free to leave. Signed back in after lunch for the afternoon show, again either on stage or in dressing rooms with chaperones the whole time. Signed out after the show to have dinner and a break. Then signed back in again for the evening show, again either on stage or in dressing rooms with chaperones. And kids were advised to bring something to keep them occupied, drinks and snacks etc

It’s normal for kids to not be allowed out of the dressing rooms, they should be in the care of chaperones. But you should’ve been told of arrangements in advance and to send something for her to do.

And a four hour show for kids is ridiculous!

Justnoclue - I reading that correctly that for under 4 they shouldn't be at the place of rehearsal/performance for more than 4 hours? And 8 hours for under 8? Cos they totally blew that!!!

Sounds hellish but if you knew how long they were going to be waiting around surely you wouldn’t need telling hat they’d need some stuff to occupy themselves with?

PorkFlute - to be honest, I thought they'd be allowed free reign in the hall area during rehearsal. So they'd play chase or whatever. Move around more. Dance!!! And I had no idea at all that it'd be a 4 hour show. I had thought 1.5-2 hours max. However, hindsight is wonderful and I wished I had put in things for them to do/occupy themselves with.

If they'd been allowed out to us at lunch time then that would've made a huge difference.

4 hour show is ridiculous, ours is about 1.5 hrs and the younger ones don’t even need to do the rehearsals. So they turn up at 6 and are done and dusted for about 9.30. No chance mine would be happy sitting about all day like that either

I'd say 15 minutes of performance time at that age is pretty good going, at the school I work with if you do one class you might only have one song (so what, 4 minutes?) onstage so 4 hours would be a very long ordeal for their parents!

Our school has several studios running 6 days a week with over 100 classes so if we tried to get everyone in one show we'd be there forever and we have to plan around numbers - it sounds like this was your teachers first experience of planning a show, thought one day in the theatre would cover it and underestimated how long it would go on for.

We split our shows up and have different classes in each performance (4 x performances over a weekend). Also, would never have the dress rehearsal the same day, way too long a shift for everyone involved. Learning curve for your teacher - a couple of shorter performances with different kids involved in each, parents buy tickets for the performance their child is in and everyone attends a rehearsal in the theatre on a different day.

It's completely normal to have the kids kept backstage, it's not safe to let them wander about unsupervised and would take far too long to have them all checked out and back in again over the interval. It's also potentially not safe to let parents in to dressing rooms - we've had complaints from parents that other parents have made their way into the changing rooms of their own accord in the past, who knows if they're DBS checked etc (I know you are, but not everyone knows this).

It's a shame that your 6 year old had a bad time - not that this excuses it but sometimes the staff focus more on entertaining the 2-4 age bracket as that is really hard going and might have thought the 5-8 year olds would just all play together by themselves.

It sounds like it could have been better organised but a lot of work will have gone into it and your teacher can only learn from this experience. Hopefully she asks for feedback and you can bring your concerns up.

4 hours is way too long. Dds shows last between 1-1.5 hours.

Sounds very badly organized. My DD has done the dance show for the past three years. We take her to a morning dress rehearsal, then she’s back home until shortly before the performance, the little ones go on first and can leave at the interval, the whole show lasts two hours but has a break in the middle.

Dds current dance school schedules the littlies to come and rehearse at the last minute. The older the children the longer they stay, which obviously makes sense from a legal perspective and ability to cope etc. They use chaperones with no one else allowed backstage. Well oiled machine.

Dds previous dance school had parents (women) in the dressing room in with the children. Much better for young children. My dd wouldn’t have coped with me not being there at 6 let alone 3. I appreciate all children are different.

This sounds terribly hard to cope with apart from the legal perspective. It is in danger of putting your dds off. Is there alternative school for your dds to attend?

I've had a similar experience, although the show wasn't as long as yours. TBH I really think that these performances are more about the dance teachers than they are the kids. My dd loves dance, but would be more than happy with a short simple performance at the end of term to show me what she's been doing. I think big shows are over the top. They cause stress, and put a huge amount of pressure on the kids, teachers and parents.

Forgot to add - our two youngest groups (kids roughly 6 and under) leave at the interval, which is pretty standard practice I think

Think yourself bloody lucky you were not cooped up in there with them. In fact I can't understand why you weren't.

Dance shows were always days of rehearsals shut in random school halls then the actual performance where you are backstage dressing 4 children with all sorts of random bloody outfits. The kids loved it. Books and games but no felt pens or coloured drinks.

It is more usual to have the littlest ones dance in the first half, and then have them collected, either to watch the second half or to go home and return for the evening performance when they do the same again.
Some schools go so far as to have two separate complete shows, one will be a matinee for the youngest cast members and teenagers, and one in the evening just for the older children and teenagers. So the seniors perform twice and the juniors only once.

It sounds not at all appropriate for children of that age- I would struggle to sit through a show half that length

There's no point in 2 & 3 year olds being in a show at all is there really - quite a few won't even understand what they are there for, and half of them will have trouble knowing which way they should be facing, let alone remembering the dance

It’s one of the reasons my dd stopped doing dance. One year she had a performance on a Saturday and Sunday.

I had to pay for the extra rehearsals for the show, had to pay for her costume and then had to buy tickets for myself, dh and dd2 to watch it. We were there from 9am to about 4pm, I ended up being back stage most of the time and missed part of her performance getting back upstairs. Cost me a fucking fortune and my dd was bored senseless and all for about 5 mins on stage

Both my DDs were very involved with dance and those sort of timings were normal for shows - except the tinies like your 3 yo would certainly not have been there for so long. Sound like communication to the parents wasn’t the best, nor the scheduling , but I have been a helper and had to deal with parents ‘barging ‘ backstage , unable to see what a safeguarding issue that is for everyone else.