ABIU not to let the GPs see LO on her 1st Birthday???

[CookieDough2017]

My LO is weeks away from approaching her first birthday. Me and OH decided we would do something with both sets of Grandparents the weekend and we would spend her actual birthday on the Thursday just the three of us.

My parents are fine with this, but my OH's mum is upset she won't see her on the actual day and has made her feelings well known.

Even if she popped in for a coffee it wouldn't just be half an hour it would turn into the whole entire morning. We wouldn't actually be able to do what we want to do with her in between naps and feeds.

Any advice would be much appreciated 

I think YABU. What’s the harm in letting her come to have a cup of tea for half an hour? Just say that she can come at X time but you are heading out at X.30. If she looks like lingering just go out as ‘planned’, drive around the block and come back again. I don’t understand some of these MIL threads.. pick your battles, surely. Otherwise you are just making life hard for yourself, your DH and children.

Can you pop to hers for half an hour instead? On the way to whatever activity you have planned so you have to leave at a certain time.

Sorry but I think yabu. First birthdays are special for everyone in the family not just the parents. Could you do something nice with DH and your baby on a different day and have a get together for your family on her birthday?

YANBU. You have the right to make whatever arrangements you want for her birthday. It’s up to you as her parents and any decent family member, even if disappointed, would respect that and not make it an issue.

It's a bit mine all mine. Yabu

It's a bit precious to insist on only the 3 of you tbh. Just meet mil at a garden centre for afternoon tea or something then you've got the rest of the day to yourself.

Well this is difficult a lose, lose, really. One of you or the other is going to be disgruntled and feel put out. Ask yourself who will hold a grudge longer.

Do something the 3 of you at the weekend and have the party on his actual birthday.

I think the GP are being ridiculous tbh, the party is the big joint celebration, baby doesn't know it's their birthday on the Tuesday (or any other day tbh)

I don't really understand why it has to be just the three of you tbh. It's her 1st bday, she's completely oblivious. Literally the only point to doing anything at all is for the family.

Unless you've actually got some activities planned that take up the whole day? You haven't mentioned any actual plans though.

Just for perspective; my ds 1st birthday was supposed to be my first day back at work and his first full day in nursery (ended up being made redundant at last minute but it was just a normal weekday, DH and everyone else went to work)

On ds second birthday I spent the morning in hospital.

We planned things for the weekends closest to birthdays. They're too young to know about birthdays.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. You are the child's parents. You get the call. You have giving them the opportunity to see your child the weekend before. If you want it to be just you three that is perfectly reasonable. They shouldn't even expect to see them on their birthday. Especially if you have plans. Stand your ground. I know I'm going to be having this same argument for my DS first birthday.

We just said we were taking DS somewhere just the 3 of us and would be back by x time, so if anyone one wanted to pop round for a cup of tea and slice of cake they were welcome from x, meant we got family time and GPS, aunties and uncles etc still got to seem him.

What is it that you want to do that means you can't spare some time in the day?

I don’t see why you couldn’t just let her pop in half an hour before you go out so you’ve got control over how long you see her.

Saying that, nobody has an automatic right to see someone else on their birthday. If your MIL is kind and sees a lot of your daughter, it would be kind to let her see her.

Do what you want, it’s your child.

Those of you saying let her pop round, did you not read that she won’t just stay for half an hour? How do you politely say ‘Go, please?’

Those of you saying let her pop round, did you not read that she won’t just stay for half an hour? How do you politely say ‘Go, please?’

Yes, that’s why I said ask her to come half an hour before they’re going somewhere else.

YANBU, they're invited on the weekend, that's plenty.

I do find the 'just our proper little family' stuff annoying, but I find GPs who insist on being at the celebration AND the actual birthday even more annoying.

And if you let one set see dd, then you have to let the other set see her too.

The people saying first birthdays are precious for GPs too are probably the same ones who say first birthdays don't mean anything because baby won't remember

Just wait til your a grandparent and are excluded by your daughter / son in law. What goes around....

You’ve posted about this recently?

Radyward
Just wait til your a grandparent and are excluded by your daughter / son in law. What goes around

Please read the OP, they are not excluded at all

How do you politely say ‘Go, please?’

Very easily.

"It was lovely to see you but, as we told you when we invited you over, we have plans at X time so we're going to have to wrap up this visit for now. Let me know when you're free next week and we'll try and arrange something. Bye!"

Be firm and say no, we've arranged to see you at the weekend. Your child is 1, they have no clue! I've had to work on both my daughter's birthdays. It's just life. Sometimes you have to wait.

Naps and feeds ? She is turning one feeds aren’t a big deal. Yabu and precious your dd wouldn’t exist without her gm.

You have posted this exact same thread before

I thought you meant the DOCTOR wants to see your daughter on her birthday! (GP!)

Hate these bloody acronyms!

Anyway. Rant over!

YANBU, as she is your child and you are entitled to do what you wish. That said, your in-laws are not BU to want to see her.

As has been said, could you not arrange to meet for an hour at a wetherspoons or maccies, or a playbarn type place? Have a coffee and a chat, and let your daughter have her gifts from them, and then say 'we need to pop off now...'

I feel it's easier to 'escape' from people when you are on neutral ground. I am really not keen on people coming to my house.

When mine were little, every birthday was so stressful, because every relative had to come round; sometimes 15-20 people (incl 8 or 9 boisterous children of my brother. my BIL, and my cousins, that were out of control!!!) Now they have left home, that is one thing I don't miss! Especially as a few of them stayed for 4-5 HOURS, and couldn't take VERY strong hints to leave.