ABIU not to let the GPs see LO on her 1st Birthday???

[CookieDough2017]

My LO is weeks away from approaching her first birthday. Me and OH decided we would do something with both sets of Grandparents the weekend and we would spend her actual birthday on the Thursday just the three of us.

My parents are fine with this, but my OH's mum is upset she won't see her on the actual day and has made her feelings well known.

Even if she popped in for a coffee it wouldn't just be half an hour it would turn into the whole entire morning. We wouldn't actually be able to do what we want to do with her in between naps and feeds.

Any advice would be much appreciated 

You have posted this exact same thread before

I thought that too. But on the previous thread the b'day had been and gone, and the ILs did turn up on the b'day morning as everyone predicted.

I wanted the same thing, to have a party the weekend before and spend the actual birthday just the 3 of us. I compromised by having a little ‘afternoon tea party’ with grandparents a couple of hours before bedtime, so we were out all day doing all the things we planned and still had time with the rest of the family with cake, presents, photos etc. (This only works because my LO is a creature of habit, and bedtime is bedtime, she won’t let anyone keep her up if she wants to sleep, so the excitement wouldn’t keep affect her.)

Is this an extension of the MN ban on family not being able to see a newborn for a month so parents can 'bond'.

I missed the 'feeds' bit, that's quite odd considering she's turning 1.

How precious.

Let grandparents visit ffs.

I thought that too. But on the previous thread the b'day had been and gone, and the ILs did turn up on the b'day morning as everyone predicted.

Most odd. Perhaps the OP has another DC with a birthday coming up. And has forgotten what happened last time.

YABU. I've enjoyed my grandchildrens birthdays every part as much as those of my own children. I've made their cakes as DD doesn't like baking, and it's been a massive day for ALL the family.

It takes a village to raise a child.

I'm on the fence, I can see why there's no harm letting the GP's see your child on the actual day, but I also think you can make a rod for your own back. My kids GP's now expect to see them on their birthday, and so many years down the line it's hard to suddenly stop.

YANBU it's about you and your partner and child. I'm sorry but GP's don't get to make demands. It's not like your saying she can't see your child at all.
Let her get her way every time and she will keep pushing you.
Do what you want to do as a family.

YANBU. I’m sure the GP will wait and complain to anyone that listens. But imposing their will and wishes and not seeing you as the centre of your child’s life just serves to alienate family more.

How I loathe this "our little family" and "just the three of us" bollocks. As you were.

Of course you are being unreasonable, but not necessarily untypical of some MNs. There seems to be lots of posts from people wanting to exclude other relatives from seeing their children for reasons beyond my understanding

Maybe OP doesn't want to host visitors on her child's birthday, may she just wants to relax and not have to deal with The In Laws? I know I wouldn't want to. So selfish insisting on muscling in. They'll see their grandchild and celebrate for a whole day at the weekend, why can't that be enough? MN is so weird about this kind of thing.

So you are throwing a 1st birthday party the weekend by it, and GPS can come to that, but you've made plans to go out on the day, and if you wait in for MIL you won't be able to fit in still doing your planned thing around nap times?

So could you offer to pop in on your way back from your planned thing, if it's not too late? If on the day it is too late, phone, so sorry you won't get back on time to see them before dcs bedtime, can you swing by the following morning?

Wait wait.... I thought the kid was dropping her naps? According to another thread she was?

Of course I do remember that during the period where they decide to drop their naps you become a basket case about naps. Especially if they're doing it young and you think it's too soon.

Sorry but I think yabu. First birthdays are special for everyone in the family not just the parents. Could you do something nice with DH and your baby on a different day and have a get together for your family on her birthday?

Are you serious?

@bluelady

How I loathe this 'our little family, and the 3 of us' bollocks.

How rude. You sound very angry about something. Has the OP hit a raw nerve? Do you have a family member who doesn't want YOU at certain celebrations? That's hardly surprising if you are as rude to them. The OP is quite entitled to want JUST her and her husband and baby celebrating on the baby's birthday.

How I LOATHE entitled twonks who think they have a right to see anyone they want WHEN they want. It's not a right to see your grandchild on his/her birthday, it's a privilege. It's hard enough for young parents as it is, without sniffy, demanding, precious grandparents being arsey with them.

@teachesofpeaches

Is this an extension of the MN ban on family not being able to see a newborn for a month so parents can 'bond'.

AGAIN, entirely up to the parents. Although that sounds like a load of parp, as no-one I have ever KNOWN has refused to allow visitors for a MONTH after their baby is born!

@TomHardysNextWife

YABU. I've enjoyed my grandchildrens birthdays every part as much as those of my own children. I've made their cakes as DD doesn't like baking, and it's been a massive day for ALL the family.

Have you thought for a second that your children may want the day to themselves with their kids? Or are you too wrapped up in making it a MASSIVE DAY FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY?!

It takes a village to raise a child.

And how i LOATHE that bloody saying. Outdated bollocks, trawled out by people who think they have a right to chip in their twopenceworth every five minutes, when it comes to other people raising their kids.

As has been said, there is nothing wrong with the grandparents just seeing the grandkid for an hour or 2, then letting the OP and her partner/DH have the rest of the day with THEIR LITTLE FAMILY!

As you were!

It's the stupid twee phrases I hate. Butterfly. Not being in possession of any grandchildren, your rant is completely irrelevant.

Yes I've seen this thread before, too. You had assorted opinions last time, and you'll get them again this time. I said don't be so territorial! Don't be so territorial!

YANBU

You have invited MIL to the weekend party with other Grandparents - I don't see what the problem is.

I think the only reason that someone would do this is to make a point that you call the shots and/or to piss mil someone off.

It's petty and mean. Let's face it the baby doesn't know what day it is so surely you could have your "family" day out in a different day and let your DDs grandparents and other family members see on her on her 1st birthday because it's special to them too.

You’re being a bit precious! Let the grandparents visit . You should be delighted they want to , not everyone is so lucky .

Do people really get bothered by this kind of stuff, the child is 1 for heavens sake why does it matter who gets to see her on the actual birthday?

I'm amazed every day by the dramas made out of nothing in some families

I am a grandparent - I go with what the parents want. End of.

The more people who love you LO, the better. A child’s relationship with their grandchild is really precious. I would have them over early on and arrange to need to go out shortly afterwards.