To ask the advice of anybody who has ever been on anti-depressants?

[therewillbetime]

I will try to keep this brief:
I suffered PND nearly 20 years ago with son (treated with ADs over several months and recovered pretty well)

Several years ago, I went through pretty tumultuous time: divorce, moving house, illness etc BUT coped pretty well. It was almost a case of the more I had going on, the better I coped.

Two (ish) years ago: went to GP as I felt down and had no apparent reason for this- things had settled in my life. GP helped me to narrow it down to most possibly, pretty severe PMS and was prescribed 7.5 mg Prozac.

Weaned myself off Prozac a couple of months ago with GP's advice. 7.5 mg is a tiny amount but dropped it really, really slowly as remember feeling terrible when coming off ADs when I had PND. Felt ok, but then had terrible crying bouts. Then felt ok for a bit. Currently - feel ok when I'm busy (which I often am), and can conduct myself pretty normally with other people even when I'm feeling a bit shit. But, at certain times I just feel so sad and tearful which is really not like me. There is nothing major in my life that is bad and I have lots of positives in my life - nice home, job (very stressful but work with good bunch of people), caring partner, healthy happy grown up son, and apart from all this, am healthy and fit. But, when I get tearful for no real reason it affects so much - for eg, partner asked if I wanted to go out for a bit tonight but I just couldn't face it and then I get more and more upset and things start going round my head.

I came off the Prozac because I seemed ok and the drug actually seemed to numb me a bit - I swear I did not shed a tear the whole time I was on it and I would rather not be on anything.

SO: I guess the Q is: at what point do/did people who have been on/off ADs know IF they should be on them? At what point do we sit and think that actually, we are feeling shit, but that's life OR do we think that this shouldn't be the case and ADs help. How much do they mask stuff? (The point I'm making is that yes, there are some things in my life I would like to change such as moving to a different area which I currently am unable to do but are my emotional feelings a normal reaction to being a bit fed up with stuff?) And also, if I AM depressed, how come I can function so well - not missed a day off work for 10 years, go to gym daily, blah blah blah). I would just be so interested in any of your experiences. Thanks

Dont know if i can be much help, but i too have gone through something very similar regarding medications, i have mental health problems, Bipolar dissorder and also PTSD for abuse as a child, ive been in and out of psychiatric hospitals, and on a number of medications, but for a while now ive been taking Lithium (mood stabiliser) and Quetiapine (anti psychotic) i spoke to my doctor that i was trying to conceive and start a family, at this point everything was going fine regarding my illness, a couple of months ago this happened and he told me he refused to give me Lithium while ttc, so he said theres a choice stay on lithium and stop trying or keep trying and come off lithium, i really want this baby so i came off the lithium, although im still on the anti psychotic i have been struggling very much, sometimes depressed crying all the time and sometimes just over the top, i asked him about this, everything was going fine in my life i had no reason to feel so upset, but all he told me was that every person and their illness is diffrent, some people can come off the meds and be fine and others need the meds for a longer time to feel stable... changing doctors soon as he is leaving (hes not much good anyway) but thats what i was told, sorry if it hasn't helped but you're not alone im also going through something like that... i hope you find something that works for you op xx

I came off mine after my Dr decided it was time to reduce my dose. I felt the lower dose didn't help and it was pointless taking them so came off cold turkey. Still have my bad days but honestly it's been fine. Wouldnt hesitate to go back on them again should the black dog emerge again.

I just med hopped until I found one that made me feel like me, not like a numb copy of myself. Then messed with the dose until it was right and I'm happy to stay on it for life if I have to. The risks are minimal when weighed against the fact that I was actively suicidal and I'll take my chances.

Thank you keanu for your response, I am so sorry to hear all that you have been are are still going through. Mental issues are so difficult to deal with.

Babysharkmummy - glad things are going well now you are off the ADS. I would go on them again but there was always a slight numbness despite the low dose. I have certainly been more short tempered though. I just wish I could be chilled without them.

I tried anti depressants many years ago and just felt kind of numb
Personally I prefer to be in touch with my feelings no matter how bad they are
I have dipped in and out of counselling and hypnotherapy which was more helpful
Positive self talk, good friends and a few gin and tonics suffice for me at the moment

Thats interesting didyouseetheflaresinthesky.

When I had PND I was on Effexor - never again, the withdrawal was horrendous although they did work when I was on them. I don't think the side effects were that bad on Prozac, apart from the numbness, horredous dreams and absolutely sex drive! But I did feel chilled!

JaceLancs - funnily enough, a few gins/vodkas used to really help me. In fact, throughout my life, no matter the ups and downs, I always enjoyed a drink.

One side effect I failed to mention about Prozac is that it has completely and utterly put me off alcohol; if I drank one or two drinks on it I wanted to go to sleep and since coming off it, I just can't face the drink!

I'm really good on Sertraline, no numbness. Prozac & Effexor made me spaced out. As soon as happy/sad stuff makes me weep for an hour or longer & I find it hard to Ieave the house i know I'm going downhill. These days I just stay on dose that suits me as Im not prepared to spiral down any more, it's too debilitating & I need to work (self employed) . I did function OK for years at office job (I'm great putting on a 'front' on) but then I'd crash & not eat or leave the house all weekend.

Been on ADs (100mg Sertraline) for the past 3 years. Spent a while happily on 50mg then tried and failed to taper off. I’ve come to the conclusion I need the full dose. Better for my moods to be artificially regulated than the alternative. Meds allow me to function and be a better mum. Not proud but there it is. Anyone battling this shit needs every leg up they can get. That said, I do worry about the long-term implications.

Thanks for your response FrancisCrawford. I guess it is about finding exactly what works for you. I suppose it is also about identifying those symptoms that really do indicate something is wrong. For me, I am sleeping well, eating well but I know there is something not quite right.

CSIblonde - yes, the weeping has been noticeable for me and snap, I can put on a brilliant front at work ( I'm second in command to managing 300 people) yet admit I'm becoming more isolated at the weekends.

Glad you are feeling well Vinotinto. I don't think anybody should feel ashamed for being on ADS. I must admit, 20 years ago I didn't broadcast the fact that I was on them, but I am older and wiser enough to know now that for some people they are simply essential for a variety of very, very valid reasons.

I guess for me it is just knowing that I do actually NEED to be on them, knowing whether to try and ride out the tears etc and getting my head around the triggers etc.

I find when I get bad I don't smile anymore. I don't sing in the car on the way to and from work. I don't care for chit chat with anyone, including OH. I drink a lot more, and usually start smoking again. I just find it super hard to be happy, kind of like a zombie? I also lose weight as I am an emotional starver (as opposed to an emotional eater)... I actually gain weight when I'm mentally stable lol

And the scarier side, there have been multiple times when driving I find myself being a bit more reckless and thinking "I actually wouldn't care if I died right now." And that's when I go back to the docs, as I know I'm just a ticking time bomb that needs to be stopped...

Although, I hate medication, I've been on both fluoxetine and citalopram and I get side affects with both I'd rather not deal with, so I want to experiment with other remedies next time I get low again.

I have been off ADs for a year and also get teary. But I also occasionally get rushes of joy. I don't get either on ADs and neither do I laugh as much. So until the feelings of despair outweigh the pleasure of a bit of a cry or a laugh I will do without.

I know I have to go back on them when I'm unable to cope with normal tasks without panicking or just feeling unable to face doing them.

1HitWonder - yes, I can identify with the not smiling, not singing along and not chitchatting. I wouldn't say I am like this at the moment all of the time, but I am having some days like it.

Thanks for your response Mookatron.

Yes, you are right about being able to experience the full range of emotions off ADs. It is so bloody annoying, how our mind seems to be ruling my life and I can't do anything about it.

I eat well, work out, don't hardly drink ( I thought this would really help), get enough sleep and yet I am feeling mentally yuck.

I've been on MH drugs off and on since the early 1980s when I landed up in hospital for a week while at university. My father also had problems, was treated with LSD in the 1960s and hospitalised in the early 1970s.

I first was given Valium at uni and had no recollection of half of anything; couldn't remember meeting friends or having conversations etc. I've tried Prozac too and didn't like it either.

Now I'm very happily on Venlafaxine and am happy to stay on it. I feel like me, not numb, and I don't have the dreadful depression. I would take a drug to fix a heart problem and don't see anything wrong with staying on something to bring my brain chemicals back into balance - one doctor reckoned that I just naturally had less serotonin just as some people's bodies are deficient in insulin etc.

Writing at the same time as others -

Actually one of the things that make me happy to stay on Venlafaxine is that I feel like me, have the full range of emotions, don't feel numb. I get times of intense happiness when I want to dance with the joy of being alive and feeling. Off it, I'm a blank lump of misery, cold at the heart.

Toomanypaws and YoucancallmeNancy - so glad that Venlafaxine works for you.

Actually, I do think about how my job impacts - I deal with some quite emotionally tricky and upsetting issues and I find I am very good at compartmentalising. But can absolutely see how stress could be lurking underneath. Unfortunately though, I have a mortgage to pay!! But obviously would consider job changing if it came to it.

Toomanypaws - isnt it interesting how ADs make you feel so alive - I guess we all react differently to different meds.

I came off Sertraline after 6 months, it saved my life. Horrible drug to get onto and off, but very necessary.

PND set the bar for how low I could feel. I wouldn't want to go through all the Sertraline stuff again for anything less, but should I find myself in that situation again, I'd take it again in a heartbeat.

That said, SSRIs & similar drugs are marketed as being non addictive & the withdrawal effects minimised. However it's clear from the internet many many people suffer symptoms long after withdrawing.

For me it was 3 months since the last pill, not the 2 weeks the NHS website suggested . But for others it can be 6-12 months.

My symptoms were deceptive. Unlike the PND which you couldn't possibly miss, Sertraline withdrawal was subtle but awful. So much anger, out of nowhere. And so teary all the time. I also felt very disconnected from my husband. I didn't feel down and knew I was better PND wise, but still it took a while to realise it was Sertraline related.

I'd say give your brain chemicals a time to settle after coming on and subsequently off the AD. Unless you feel you can't cope, then of course they are an option. But have a look at discontinuation symptoms for the drug you were on recently.

Please try tracking your cycle and moods, it took me years to realise that I suffer from such extreme PMT that most months I was idealising suicide.

Talking therapy : makes a huge difference

I am on a tricyclic antidepressant which work in a different way to Prozac and the like but dont ask me to explain the science. This is because I am breastfeeding (PND) and my GP recommended these. They are fab. I cry when I am sad and smile/laugh when I am happy bit I don't feel bad I just feel like normal me.

You haven't mentioned counselling or any kind of talking therapy. Have you been referred for anything? Can you self refer? I recently went through some CBT and one of the things that came up was something in my childhood which had upset me more than I realised. Chatting about it really helped. I would strongly recommend you talk through all your concerns with GP and ask about talking therapies but also ask to try other drugs if you don't think your current one is working.