To ask the advice of anybody who has ever been on anti-depressants?

[therewillbetime]

I will try to keep this brief:
I suffered PND nearly 20 years ago with son (treated with ADs over several months and recovered pretty well)

Several years ago, I went through pretty tumultuous time: divorce, moving house, illness etc BUT coped pretty well. It was almost a case of the more I had going on, the better I coped.

Two (ish) years ago: went to GP as I felt down and had no apparent reason for this- things had settled in my life. GP helped me to narrow it down to most possibly, pretty severe PMS and was prescribed 7.5 mg Prozac.

Weaned myself off Prozac a couple of months ago with GP's advice. 7.5 mg is a tiny amount but dropped it really, really slowly as remember feeling terrible when coming off ADs when I had PND. Felt ok, but then had terrible crying bouts. Then felt ok for a bit. Currently - feel ok when I'm busy (which I often am), and can conduct myself pretty normally with other people even when I'm feeling a bit shit. But, at certain times I just feel so sad and tearful which is really not like me. There is nothing major in my life that is bad and I have lots of positives in my life - nice home, job (very stressful but work with good bunch of people), caring partner, healthy happy grown up son, and apart from all this, am healthy and fit. But, when I get tearful for no real reason it affects so much - for eg, partner asked if I wanted to go out for a bit tonight but I just couldn't face it and then I get more and more upset and things start going round my head.

I came off the Prozac because I seemed ok and the drug actually seemed to numb me a bit - I swear I did not shed a tear the whole time I was on it and I would rather not be on anything.

SO: I guess the Q is: at what point do/did people who have been on/off ADs know IF they should be on them? At what point do we sit and think that actually, we are feeling shit, but that's life OR do we think that this shouldn't be the case and ADs help. How much do they mask stuff? (The point I'm making is that yes, there are some things in my life I would like to change such as moving to a different area which I currently am unable to do but are my emotional feelings a normal reaction to being a bit fed up with stuff?) And also, if I AM depressed, how come I can function so well - not missed a day off work for 10 years, go to gym daily, blah blah blah). I would just be so interested in any of your experiences. Thanks

didyouseetheflaresinthesky

I was on Amitriptyline many moons ago when they weaned me off Effexor and can remember it seeming to work quite well.

Ive been on venaflaxin for 15 years, I never think about it and never felt 'numb', I felt that walking up not having a panic attack or feeling suicidial ideation was a preferable way to live.

I do not declare it on work forms ( teacher) as it had never borne any relation to my work, never missed days or underperformed due to the illness I was most probably born with and have no choice over.

To the poster who wrote
'Personally I prefer to be in touch with my feelings no matter how bad they are'. please be careful. Depression and anxiety are not a bad feeling, they are fatal illnesses and need treatment. Would you accept any other form of medication for any illness, or would the pain of a non anesthetized operation also allow you keep in touch? I know you are speaking personally but anti deppressants, it they work, save lives and DO NOT turn people into numb zombies.Havinh also survuvdeda diagnosis of cancer, depression was for me, far far worse. After much experimentation veneflaxin works. Good luck .

I have been on Dosulepin for several years now. I would prefer it if I did not need them, but life ain't perfect and I just count myself lucky that these drugs exist and I can lead a normal life.

If it is your lot in life to have depression then be glad that there is treatment available. Diabetics take insulin; people with depression take anti-depressants. I am alive now because of them. I have no wish to go back to the utter misery that I experienced. It shocked me to the core. I would not risk a return of that.

PS I am neither numb nor a zombie - honest guv!

I use Moodscope which helps me be alert to changes in my mood. I can see if something's just a blip, or if it's a general trend, and I can work out more easily whether it's time to go and see the doctor. I'm not a good judge of that on my own, but using the tracking really helps me. moodscope.com/

Also , just wondering you asked how could you be depressed but not miss work, go to gym. Often depression does not prevent these activities but often arrives as a CRASH. I for example, completed a masters with extinction in the aftermath of caring for a dying partner. I travelled for a month, had lots of work published, thought I was fine and then literally overnight ( it seemed ) crashed and had to be hospitalised. The surge of adrenalin needed to do some things id often the very adrenalin that leads to a massive depressive episode.

I took sertraline for around 6 months during a period where I felt very, very low all the time and was going through considerable stress at work. The slightly numb emotional feeling that I got from them was enough to get me through a very dark period, as well as CBT for anxiety. I felt a lot tougher on them, like I couldn't let bad feelings get to me.

There have been odd days where I've felt very low and have thought about going back to the GP for them again. I'm not sure what exactly will push me to do that though, as I worry about needing them long term.

Thank you for all your responses and sorry to hear of your tough times although fantastic that ADs work for some.

I am now going to join MoodScope - it looks great!

Cheerymom - I am a sucker for being busy, needing my mind to be occupied etc. I find it extremely hard to relax (although sleep well which is a positive).

The question here is, is this your hormones?

You seem uncertain but you need to try and rule it out. Hormones for some are absolute hell and yes to trying all of those things you mentioned plus eating a low sugar diet in the two weeks before you are due!

I was on ADs for a period of about 3 years following the birth of dd.
I had ptsd and pnd, it was horrible. I'd never been depressed before and not suffered from mh issues.
They definitely helped me but I knew the time had come so wean off when my cousin's baby died.
She was only 5 weeks old and it was very sudden. I helped her a lot with the funeral, wake etc and was at her home for the entire duration of the wake (we are Irish catholics and we 'wake' our dead for 3 days before the funeral)
Not once did I cry. Not once did I feel emotional. I was looking on, at this beautiful little girl in a tiny shoe box sized coffin and not even a fake tear could I summons. It was bizarre.
Everyone else around me were breaking their hearts. I remember thinking, yeah this is a bit sad, but it's hardly the end of the world. At that point I knew I was numb. I knew this was the wrong attitude to have. So I came off them
I'm doing good now. I still feel sad at times and get real bad anxiety, but I feel like I'm in control of it
The drugs were good for a time. They served their purpose, but I knew when it was time to stop

well melliegrantlady, it does SEEM to be worse between ovulation and period beginning, although have only been off Prozac for two months so am going to wait a bit longer to see if I can see a pattern. Alternatively, its working out whether I am like it for all of the time, but actually approaching my period, it exacerbates my symptoms for obvious reasons.
greengrass123, sorry to hear of your trauma but so glad you are managing well without the ADs.

Op I also get very down and sad during ovulation and period
It's easy to mistake it for depression
I also have trouble distinguishing between what is normal everyday sadness / emotions and depression

I've been on and off them for last 10 years and have finally accepted I need to stay on them. I've probably got PTSD but definitely low mood and anxiety that creeps up every so often. Sept to Nov is my difficult time and I've gone downhill every year in the last ten at this time. I'm on them for many years to come but I'm.better for it.

yes greengrass123 it is the difficulty.
Thanks for your response unsure123123 - sorry to hear of your problems, but glad that ADs seem to be working for you.

Not quite sure how to describe this, but I notice (often when doing better) what I try to avoid, especially if it is tied up with feelings. I try to avoid: talking; extremes, such as anger as I don't want to feel it/deal with it; sometimes things that are out of the norm but no big deal when things are ok (like social stuff with work colleagues, whether foreseen like birthday lunches or spontaneous). If I am having to weather something really bad - which is very often where I am powerless about someone else's situation, not so much if it is me that is at the centre - then I tend to feel quite grateful for the avoidance and as if I am doing well by not being too vulnerable and being able to carry on with life generally, but I don't think that's actually true in the long run.

I thought it had been found that SSRIs were not significantly more effective than placebos in blind trials. Sure I read that this research had been played down by the pharma companies initially but was now common knowledge.

I am on a much higher dose now. I have some issues and although it can numb emotions It also prevents you sweating the smaller stuff.

Before I was on AD I'd years of up and down emotions, sad, teary, worthless, anxious, angry, I have always had a positive attitude, kept fit but felt I constantly felt I had to keep myself up, there were days I would wake up, things would feel off I would know immediately it was going to be a dark day, anxiety in work, I rarely get dark days now, I am more organised, I laugh more, they are not a miracle cure, You have to weigh up the good and bad, life is short if you do start on them again, remind yourself daily of the positives in your life and it will help you stay connected.

I have been on citalopram 20mg for years following a bout of depression. I find that when on cito depression and anxiety is only a small background noise in the back of my head that I can manage with self care ie no alcohol, minimal caffeine, watching sugar surges and good sleep hygiene. I also am careful not to watch or read anything unnecessarily anxiety inducing ie a bunfight on MN . I tried to come off the meds about 6 months ago and felt as bad as I ever had. I had serious washing machine head and couldn't get control of my anxiety.

Could you be perimenopausal? Apparently depression can ramp up in the 2-3 years leading up to menopause, especially for women who've suffered PND. It's something to go with progesterone levels.

The gynae consultant Dr John Studd is fascinating on this; so many of his blog posts resonated with me. Google him!

OP in many ways you.sound similar to me. I had PND after my first was born 22 years ago, although refused to take ADs as I was bf and (overly)paranoid about it.

I've had low-level depression on and off for years since. Sometimes I went a couple of years without feeling bad, but it kept resurfacing. Like you I carried on through, and didn't seek any help.

Then last autumn, for no particular reason, I became very depressed. To the point of being suicidal. I carried on at work (I have a very stressful job), carried on going to the gym, carried on seeing people and socialising. Only DH knew what I was going through. I didn't dare NOT do thise things because if I have myself any space to think the thoughts weren't good.

So I went to see the fabulous Nurse Practitioner at my surgery. She started my on Citalopram and increased the dose until I started feeling better. It has really worked for me but I am worried about what will happen when I stop taking them. I feel.that I ought to try but I'm scared of going back to how I was last year.

I do feel guilty about the depression because I've got no reason to be depressed. I've got a fab husband lovely kids, job I enjoy, etc etc.

Depression is an illness, We always feel we have to stop our medication with the stigma attached. I have pmdd suffered for years before a diagnosis.

I came off 20ml Prozac when I was 4 weeks pregnant for 18 months. I had been on it 5 years since having DD, it was horrendous I lost sight of so much friends, family, myself. I am back on them nearly two years and happy again, I can't even imagine coming off it anytime soon.

Chocolate worshipper, so sorry I didn’t see your post earlier. I would imagine my tendency to get on with it isn’t always the best. I don’t know where to begin letting go if you see what I mean.

Thank you all for your responses. It is strange actually, as I have been reading around the effects of ADs which give a mixed picture and thinking that I need to tackle any other stuff that could be causing my ups and downs.

I then get up this morning, can't find one of the remote controls in the lounge (I think my teenage son has 'mislaid' it) and I just lost the plot - stomping around and basically bursting into tears - nothing aggressive or anything like that but I just got overwhelmed and like this is always something I need to find or do or sort out.

I drove to work and as soon as I got to work I was so busy that I felt ok - in fact, I've just had a chat with an employee who is having a rough time emotionally and gave her some advice about possibly seeing her doctor. I just don't know what to do - I am tempted to ring the GP and go back on the medication but .....

Thanks for the thread, therewillbetime. I'm just experimenting with tapering off a low dose of Sertraline after 6 months, and all these thoughts are helpful. I may contribute more later.