Is this fair?

[HannahHut]

If your child moves home from university to live for a few years are they an equal part of the household?

Now over 20, paying a third of the bills and contributing to things like household appliances when they break (one third). Would you say it is fair that they can make decisions on how to decorate their room, having a pet in their room or having people stay over?

My belief is that the adult child is like a tenant, and while they do pay rent, the home belongs to you and your rules govern what is permissible. If you don't want a pet in your home, then the answer is no. If you are uncomfortable with a boyfriend/girlfriend staying over, then the answer is no. Don't apologise for what makes you comfortable in your own home. If your child doesn't like your rules, they can move out.

Absolutely they get a say. You're essentially flat mates.

I would feel that the parents are being really unfair to their child. But I would wonder more why the child does not want to live independently. If they are already contributing so much, they can afford a flat share, which would be a hell of a lot more fun!

Actually, when you say a third of all bills, are you including rent/mortgage in that, or is that paid off?

Pet- no. Most 'landlords' reserve the decision regarding pets. It's not juts in their room. I'd be looking at more than juts the contributing- who does the cleaning in the communal areas, cooking, washing, ironing, etc. whilst I agree they should be able to decorate rooms as they want (within reason) you also need to respect your parents values and morals regarding sleep over guests. Ultimately- think you're hard done by- go find a flat share instead of living at home. If you want an equal say, dont move back in with your Mum but stamp your foot because you're not being treated enough like a grown up for your liking.

Third of rent, utilities and council tax etc. Child buys own food excluding bread and milk but because they are fussy. No available one bedroom flats/houses, saving up for a deposit etc.

If they moved into a house share, they could save more as they would not be responsible for appliances.

Room decor yes, pets no, paying a third for appliances no - when they leave presumably they won't be able to take it with them, people staying over needs to be discussed and agreed.

Like others have said they're like a tenant, they should pay rent (how much depends on circumstances if you need the money charge a little under market rate, if they are responsible and you don't need the money don't charge rent and let them save up, if they're likely to just spend it all on ASOS orders charge rent and put it in a savings account). Don't contribute to appliances (they'll soon move out and you'll presumably want to keep said appliances). If you're charging rent they should probably be able to live like an adult and have guests but should be expected to be considerate of others.

Appliance is a red herring, the fridge broke a few weeks after child moved in (its ancient). Child would be using it and now living at home so third was paid towards it.

Will your child be getting a partial refund of their contribution based on the remaining value of the fridge when they move out?

Like others have said like a rental it would depend on what kind of pet - hamster fine, cat or dog no unless you don't mind.

Personally they pay rent and bills and should be allowed room decor and whoever they want to stay over. They are a house mate. Unfair to ask to pay for appliances that should be covered in rent. They own one third but can't take it with them so bit unfair. Pets all house mates should agree. I'd move out at that age though as a third of all that I'd be able to find another house share without staying with my parents,

It is weird you're charging for the fridge (unless you desperately need the money) - I assume they aren't allowed to take it with them when they move out?

Each of the 3 has an equal say. Certainly they should be able to decorate their room how they want!

I assume you are the child?

Paying a third of rent etc they should get a third of the perks so yes if they want to have a pet then it should be considered

No money will be given back for the fridge. Pet is a small rodent, nothing that would have to be brought out of the room really.

Child is working full time and is saving as much as possible for home.

Your charging your child use of the fridge?

Sorry op but you sound like the most tight-fisted parent ever. You charged your child 1/3 of the cost of a new fridge?! As pp, will your child get to take the fridge with them?! Even charging 1/3 of rent and utilities seems a bit harsh. Everyone I know who moved home to save for a deposit after uni either paid no rent or a couple of hundred quid

To answer your question, if you're charging them so much money then they get equal say over EVERYTHING. You've lost the right to say "my house my rules" when you made your child an equally contributing member of your household.

I think they get a vote yes in your set up. If they are contributing 1/3 they get a vote equal to 1/3. So mum, dad and adult DC get one vote each.

Although I have to say I think your set up is weird and I don’t know anyone who operates like that in real life. I know plenty of young adults who live with parents but they do not pay as much as 1/3 (or anywhere near!). Those young adults I would expect to be able to voice an opinion and be listened too- but actual voting rights remain with the parents.

Are you the "child"?

Paying rent/bills reasonable. (Though sounds a lot)

Rodent pet in room reasonable

Decorating room.....as long as our back to an acceptable state upon moving out.....reasonable

Contributing to new fridge: unfair

Hmm this is a bit weird. If they have moved in and are paying 1/3 of things such as appliances then the line is blurred as to what type of set up this is. Given they will move out, would you pay them back their 1/3 minus wear and tear for this? Or would you let them purchase this off you for a discounted rate when they go? If neither then they shouldn’t have to contribute. Same goes for any household repairs when they are living there unless the damage has been caused by their own negligence.

I would expect it’s either treated like a lodger situation where they pay rent but are not responsible for the upkeep on the house and there are rules set by you re pets or people staying over, or it’s treated as a house share and they have equal say in everything and people staying over is ok as long as everyone is respectful.

No money will be given back for the fridge.

Why not? At the very least, if it's still in warranty at the point when they move out, it seems rather exploitative to not give them their third multiplied by the percentage of the remaining warranty (for example, 11% of the purchase price if it has 1 year remaining on a 3 year warranty).

A pet that doesn't affect you unless you go into their room (it's their room if they're paying their part of the rent) doesn't seem like a problem (are you allergic?).

In that situation I'm curious why child doesn't just get a flat share, I thought the point of staying at home was to save up for a deposit - doesn't sound like that would be happening if they were paying 1/3 of everything!