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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws bringing son back late.

91 replies

sugarplumfairy01 · 01/09/2018 18:12

We have a long standing issue with my in laws about time keeping.

They had my son today at someone's bday party. (Someone he's never met - I still think it's random but hey ho!)

They were told to have him back between 3-4pm. Hubby rang at 430 and they said they were still at the party.

They eventually turned up at 530. No apology, nothing.

Hubby was saying he was annoyed about it to me, although said nothing on the phone to his dad, and then said nothing when they dropped him off. I get he didn't want to say anything in front of our son but I thought he would have may be gone out to speak to him or said dad I need a chat.

Aibu to be annoyed?!

Hubby and I are now sitting on separate rooms and not talking.

We have a 6 month old daughter who is over at my parents this weekend (trying to crack not feeding from anything else other than me!) So I wanted a nice night with my boys to have dinner and watch a movie. Then we're doing something tomorrow.

I finished work early today to make sure I had time with my boys.

I don't know whether to message and say something to his dad or just wait for hubby to deal with it, if he ever does.

I now don't think they should be having my son until they can get better at time keeping
Aibu to say that? It's not just this time. It's every time. Late picking him up. Late dropping him off.

OP posts:
GoatYoga · 01/09/2018 18:58

It was 5.30 not midnight - plenty of time to watch a film. I think you have a bigger problem than your son being an hour late if this is the first time you have been able to spend time with him in 6 months.

YearOfYouRemember · 01/09/2018 18:59

When you want him back at five tell them 3:30…

Morethanthisprovincallife · 01/09/2018 19:01

Op if this was a one off yabu. But as you said it happens all the time yanbu.

Things happen, people get delayed but every single time.. It's not fair.

Just say that your plans for today were messed up and could they please bring him back on time next time.

If they don't then think about whether you want them to take him out.

Freshstart19 · 01/09/2018 19:01

I wish!
That is all Grin

ForalltheSaints · 01/09/2018 19:01

If they are persistently late and making no contact you are perfectly reasonable to be concerned, OP. Your suggestion of not having your DS until they can improve their time keeping is a perfectly valid one.

The same should happen were your parents as bad with their timekeeping.

Nikephorus · 01/09/2018 19:02

If this is a regular occurrence and there's no communication or apology from them I think you have cause to be annoyed. A simple text or phone call to let you know they're running late costs nothing.
This ^^. Being late without giving any warning is rude, regardless of what anyone is doing. They didn't know you were planning a quiet night in together - for all they knew you might have planned & booked something that you needed to leave at 5pm for. You'd agreed a time, they should have turned up then or checked with you. I'd not agree to them having him again on occasions where their not being on time will wind you up.

Haggisfish · 01/09/2018 19:04

Yabu and I agree with most other pps there were various ways in which this could have been avoided.

RaeCJ82 · 01/09/2018 19:06

YABU! You are incredibly lucky to have in laws in your life who are able to look after your child (and who clearly love doing so). Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things whether he's back at 4pm or 5.30pm?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 01/09/2018 19:09

This would annoy me too. Some people don’t feel like they should be on time or concern themselves with thinking of others. Why do they bother agreeing a time when they clearly aren’t planning to stick to it. If this was a one off then obviously it’s not a massive deal but when people repeatedly ignore arrangements and make no effort to be on time it’s infuriating.

Fevs · 01/09/2018 19:10

This would annoy me too. It’s nice when you get an opportunity to spend some quality time with your eldest and if they knew your daughter was out and tonight was when you planned to do this then it should have been easy enough to make it back in time. Or at the least text to explain that they were running late.
I would say something to them (politely) myself instead of waiting for your husband to do it. I hope you still manage to all have a nice evening together, defo need to make up with your husband first!

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2018 19:10

Your ds went out before 11 am. I can see why you’re upset he wasn’t back by 4. I think you’re probably worrying about your dd too. It must be very stressful to have a baby, who doesn’t want to eat or drink milk from another source. Or at least I assume that’s your issue.

BackforGood · 01/09/2018 19:10

Lateness, without reason does annoy me, but over this, I have to agree with everyone else.
They were at a party, having a nice time, and he didn't need to be anywhere.
I'm more concerned about why this was the first time you were able to spend any time with him in 6 months Hmm
If you needed to spend time with him today, then you should have just said to your in-laws - "Sorry, we've got something planned on Sat" and saved yourself the stress.
If one of my dc is with someone who loves them, doing something nice, then I don't really fret about what time they are on their way home.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 01/09/2018 19:13

Jesus, I thought you meant late as in midnightish, several hours past bedtime Confused
The party went on till 5.30 and you expected an apology from your in laws, and your dh to have a “chat” with them!!
You are so highly strung you are almost airborne.
Did you really expect them to haul you child out of a party because it didn’t end precisely when you thought it would?

McFarts · 01/09/2018 19:14

YABU, the fact that your children have such devoted grand parents is something to cherish, you have no idea how lucky you are.

jacks11 · 01/09/2018 19:19

If this is a regular occurrence and there's no communication or apology from them I think you have cause to be annoyed. A simple text or phone call to let you know they're running late costs nothing

I agree with this.

Of course, in the grand scheme of things it is not of huge importance. Things can over-run and people occasionally be late, these things do happen. If this was an isolated incident then I'd say you were being very unreasonable. BUT when it happens frequently it is annoying and, in my opinion, quite rude. If they are going to be unavoidably late, then they should let you know.

I think you can be simultaneously happy that your children's grandparents love them and want to spend time with them, whilst also being justifiably annoyed by thoughtless/irritating behaviour. They are not mutually exclusive, you can think both. I also think you can put it like that- something along the lines of "MIL/FIL, we love that you love DC and want to spend time with them, but could you please try and keep to agreed times for pick up/drop off. Of course, if you're unavoidably delayed then that's not a problem- but could you call to let us know?"

Viviennemary · 01/09/2018 19:19

YABU. An hour late and your up in arms. I was expecting your child to be returned in the early hours of the morning not at 5.30 daytime. Honestly you need to get a grip. Why haven't you seen him for six months. It's all a bit muddled. But you do sound very stressed over trivialities. But at least you've plenty of help.

CarolDanvers · 01/09/2018 19:21

On every other part of MN lateness is rude and disrespectful and should be challenged. Not when it's parents wanting their child back on time from in laws though... 🤷‍♀️

GreenGrassAndClover · 01/09/2018 19:24

It difficult sharing your children with other people, who are not strictly your family, maybe let this one drop, and try and relax.
Just be ready to mention firm plans the next time.

And as for “hubby” say that as many times as you like...just don’t say “Hun” 🤓

( we’re all odd 😂)

GreenGrassAndClover · 01/09/2018 19:26

The other posters point, that at least your child has people who love him is a good one, but easier to see in hindsight 😀

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 01/09/2018 19:30

Honestly, “I just want time with my boys”, “we haven’t seen him on his own for six months”, yet you sent him to a party with your in laws?

NerrSnerr · 01/09/2018 19:31

If it was your first chance to have 1-1 time with him in 6 months why didn't you say no?

tolerable · 01/09/2018 19:31

di your son enjoy his time with grandparents?

PlatypusPie · 01/09/2018 19:36

You are being very inflexible about a not very important piece of timing and got into a childish strop. Child had nice time at party, GPS had nice time with child at party, DH was chilling at weekend without either child to care for so a break for him, you have non time sensitive plans to eat and watch a film in the evening - they are not massively late but you have to get angry with all the other adults and throw a moody. Great.

LittlePaintBox · 01/09/2018 19:40

I'd get uptight if anyone was that late back with my child, but I suffer from anxiety. Maybe you are anxious as well?

The bit that gobsmacks me is packing your 6 m.o. off to her grandparents for the weekend to be weaned, Is that what you meant? If you stopped breastfeeding her abruptly, your hormones will be all over the place, and might account for you being a bit emotional about your son being late.

If you don't feel you get to see much of your son, you need to sort that out so it happens in your normal daily and weekly routines IMO.

WittyFuck · 01/09/2018 19:41

YABU and a bit of a Princess Precious!

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