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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws bringing son back late.

91 replies

sugarplumfairy01 · 01/09/2018 18:12

We have a long standing issue with my in laws about time keeping.

They had my son today at someone's bday party. (Someone he's never met - I still think it's random but hey ho!)

They were told to have him back between 3-4pm. Hubby rang at 430 and they said they were still at the party.

They eventually turned up at 530. No apology, nothing.

Hubby was saying he was annoyed about it to me, although said nothing on the phone to his dad, and then said nothing when they dropped him off. I get he didn't want to say anything in front of our son but I thought he would have may be gone out to speak to him or said dad I need a chat.

Aibu to be annoyed?!

Hubby and I are now sitting on separate rooms and not talking.

We have a 6 month old daughter who is over at my parents this weekend (trying to crack not feeding from anything else other than me!) So I wanted a nice night with my boys to have dinner and watch a movie. Then we're doing something tomorrow.

I finished work early today to make sure I had time with my boys.

I don't know whether to message and say something to his dad or just wait for hubby to deal with it, if he ever does.

I now don't think they should be having my son until they can get better at time keeping
Aibu to say that? It's not just this time. It's every time. Late picking him up. Late dropping him off.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 01/09/2018 18:32

It’s an hour. You are overreacting. Enjoy your evening instead of being angry about not very much.

cansu · 01/09/2018 18:32

You sound very ott. What difference does it really make? Clearly they were having a good time at a birthday party. I would just be pleased they were out enjoying themselves. Obviously you see them every day so seem to be slightly ridiculous to be making all this fuss.

Happypuppy · 01/09/2018 18:33

YABU, just another excuse to MIL bash, I see your parents having your other DC ALL weekend is a non issue.

Aria2015 · 01/09/2018 18:33

It's frustrating but my inlaws are terrible at time keeping too but I get around it by saying I want to meet / drop off an hour earlier than I want and then they turn up at the actual time I really want. It's easier than trying (and failing) to get them to change their bad time keeping ways. Perhaps try that next time? If bad time keeping is their only crime i’d let it go and just try and enjoy your evening as best as you can.

Merryoldgoat · 01/09/2018 18:33

I couldn’t get agitated about this I’m afraid. I think you’re overreacting.

billybagpuss · 01/09/2018 18:34

You can't expect them to leave a party early, if you were going to be that concerned you shouldn't have let him go. 5.30 is not late its not like it was 10pm on a school night.

Rebecca36 · 01/09/2018 18:34

I don't see it as a big issue, plans change, it's not like they brought him home at midnight. I hope he had a good time, that's the most important thing. Don't be mean and petty!

Rachie1973 · 01/09/2018 18:34

So overly dramatic.

Seriously, get over it. An hour late, not a week.

PersianCatLady · 01/09/2018 18:34

Rather than continuing to have a crap evening why don't you just say to your husband something like "shall we reset this evening?"

Forget about what has already gone wrong because you can't change if but don't waste another moment of your life

bluemascara · 01/09/2018 18:35

You still sound like you are over reacting.
You seem to have an issue with your in laws and you keep referring to this 'random' party.
Did they just look up a list of parties on today and decide to gate crash one?
Or were they invited by a friend to bring their grandson along to celebrate another kid's birthday?

Returnofthesmileybar · 01/09/2018 18:35

To be fair though you have to ask yourself what your son would want and I can pretty much guarantee he was having more fun at the party and would have wanted to stay than go home and have dinner with his parents. Sometimes you just need to relax and think about what makes them happier

Floralnomad · 01/09/2018 18:36

Quite honestly if this is all you have to argue about you need to give your head a wobble . Just get on with your evening rather than festering over such a trivial issue .

Nanny0gg · 01/09/2018 18:37

So why did you let him go in the first place?

And now he's back, what's happening as you and your DH aren't speaking?

Eliza9917 · 01/09/2018 18:41

YAB even more u to continually refer to your husband as hubby

And to use the term 'my boys'.

Jenala · 01/09/2018 18:44

OP, grandparents looking after children on mumsnet are BEAUTIFUL SELFLESS ANGELS WHO MUST NEVER BE QUESTIONED. Most will say you are overreacting but I would be irritated like you, particularly the lack of communication. It's perfectly reasonable to want to know what's happening and when, particularly when it comes to your children (unless you're on MN in which case grandparents should be able to do what they want with no communication and you should be thankful).

That being said I think maybe you're feeling particularly strongly because it sounds like you're dealing a little with the guilt of having had a new baby and had been really looking forward to this weekend, which they wouldn't have realised. There's not much point saying anything to them unless the lateness and lack of communication is a regular thing. It's done now. Make the most of the rest of this weekend and don't let it sour the atmosphere, because that would be a massive shame. Go join your husband and have a lovely evening and time tomorrow Flowers

Stillnotready · 01/09/2018 18:44

Get Off MN and spend time with your husband and son!
YABU

Makemineboozefree · 01/09/2018 18:47

They were told to have him back between 3-4pm.

Maybe they were rebelling a little bit against being dictated to? Do you tend to lay down lots of rules and dos and don'ts when your DS is in their care?

WilburIsSomePig · 01/09/2018 18:49

Given this was the first time in 6 months I was getting to spend time with him

Well then that's your own doing isn't it? You've spoilt your own evening with 'your boys' because you were being uptight. How about next time you thank your in laws for taking your son out to a party which he no doubt enjoyed.

YABU. However I expect you will never see that ...

Scabetty · 01/09/2018 18:49

You should have said NO to their request. You obviously don’t like them and want dh to side with you to hate his own parents. I am sure they are annoying to you as you can’t control them but you agreed for them to take him despite their time-keeping ‘form’. Your own fault.

Bluesrunthegame · 01/09/2018 18:50

Constant bad timekeeping is rude, it's saying that someone doesn't think the person kept waiting for them deserves any consideration. If your inlaws are constantly late, you either need to have a word with them and let them know how you feel or in future arrange to pick your son up so you are not kept waiting.

Maybe your husband should be the one to discuss this with his parents. If you've never said anything about their lateness, maybe they don't think you mind.

bubbles108 · 01/09/2018 18:50

Given this was the first time in 6 months I was getting to spend time with him.

So....

On this important day you and DH allow the ILs who have poor timekeeping skills, to take DS, who you really really really wanted to spend today with, to a party.

And then, when ILs bring DS back late, as they always do.... you strop.

You're nuts. Not just unreasonable. But nuts.

What is the matter with you, OP?

Scabetty · 01/09/2018 18:52

Sorry, is the term boys referring to dh and ds?

Notonthestairs · 01/09/2018 18:54

Put this behind you and enjoy the rest of your evening with your son and husband as planned.

It's probably not helpful for me to say this but I think you are knackered and over reacting - I only say that because I have memories after having child no2 and being utterly on my knees when she was 4-6 months.

Now go Netflix and order a pizza.

Shouldershrugger · 01/09/2018 18:54

You could have politely declined their offer to take your ds with them, stated you have plans for the afternoon. So I'm afraid you're being very dramatic. Instead of enjoying the time you do have, you're wasting it by being angry. Let it go and enjoy the evening op

TheFaerieQueene · 01/09/2018 18:55

If you wanted to spend time with your son, why the hell are you on MN and not with him?

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