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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my neighbour to clean up her garden? (WIBU)

63 replies

RavenLG · 01/09/2018 12:13

More of a WIBU as I've not acted on anything yet.

Our first summer in the house, NDN has an apple tree close to our side of the fence approx 15 feet from the house. Don't mind the tree, in fact we've been taking advantage of low hanging branches on our side. The problem is, the apples falling in her garden aren't being picked up. I don't even think the apples that fell last year have been picked up. There are flies EVERYWHERE. We can't open our dining room window without loads coming in. Wasps are starting to hang around and we had to keep an eye on some looking like they we're trying to make a nest in our roof.

Now we've never actually met ndn. Seen her once, actually only yesterday when her daughter was bringing her come from somewhere. I'd guess she is early 90s. When we have spoken to her 40ish year old son when we first moved in, he said he stays over most weekends, and her 50ish year old daughter comes over I'd say most days.

I'm not expecting her to clean them up obviously, but WIBU to ask them to clear them up? I know its her garden, she can do what she wants etc.. but it's getting ridiculous with the flies and the wasps, and being a massive snob too, it looks horrendous from the back bedroom. The area around the tree is paved and it's literally a block of rotten brown apples.

OP posts:

Original poster

RavenLG · 01/09/2018 12:14

I know this is really boring.

OP posts:

corlan · 01/09/2018 12:15

Why don't you go round and introduce yourself and offer to clear up the apples?

Nikkynakkynoo · 01/09/2018 12:17

To be honest if my neighbour was in her nineties I'd offer to pick them up for her Or offer to pick the apples before they fell, make a crumble and then take a portion over to her.

whiteroseredrose · 01/09/2018 12:21

What PP said. Pop round and tell her that the fallen apples are attracting flies and wasps and does she mind if you quickly clear them up. Then keep on top of it if you wish.

My old gran had a great saying 'Them as seems it can do it'. If it's bothering you then you do it.

TwitterQueen1 · 01/09/2018 12:25

Yes you are being VU and - as you admit - snobbish.

Original poster

RavenLG · 01/09/2018 12:26

I thought I wrote in my PP but we have tried knocking and she doesn't answer the door (she is deaf as a post according to her son).

There is no way into her garden without going through her house.

She has able bodied adult children who are caring for her, my thoughts are that they should be cleaning up her garden but seems I am BU.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 01/09/2018 12:32

In your position, I would pop a note through her door, that I would come and clear them up. It's clearly not bothering her. I must be honest, we have fallen apples all over our garden, and it hasn't occurred to me to clear them up. Not a priority.

Toomuchsplother · 01/09/2018 12:34

They many be abled bodied but they may also be flat out caring for their elderly mother and possibly looking after their own families and holding down jobs. To be honest I would have thought that apples are the last on their list by a country mile.
I appreciate the lady doesn't answer the door but could you pop a note through or speak to one of her children offering your help?

BlueSky198080 · 01/09/2018 12:35

Offer to clean them up then. Go around when her adult children are there and offer your services.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/09/2018 12:45

Maybe she doesn’t use the garden and it doesn’t occur to her adult children so they haven’t noticed the problem. I would go round when her adult children are there. She’s 90 and probably vulnerable so I wouldn’t want to go over there when she’s alone.

Birdsgottafly · 01/09/2018 12:45

As said, go round. Thank her for the free fruit, introduce yourselves and after a bit offer to clean it up for her.

She may leave the fruit for the wildlife, though.

If it is honestly causing issues with your property, then address that, but actual issues, not you objecting to nature.

Why don't you ask the people who you bought it from, what their experience has been?

TwoBlueShoes · 01/09/2018 12:46

Just go and clear them up. I know technically you should ask first, but she's very old and nobody is going to want a bunch of rotten apples. I can't imagine anyone complaining and it wouldn't take you long.

StarfishSandwich · 01/09/2018 12:47

I agree with PP. If you want a job doing, do it yourself. She’s elderly and her adult children may well be juggling all sorts of commitments that you are unaware of. You could probably do it with a wheelbarrow and spade in an hour at most. If it bothers you that much, why not just offer?

Our next door neighbour is 96 and has a gardener but I wouldn’t think twice about offering a hand with odd jobs!

Gersemi · 01/09/2018 12:48

Go round when the children are there an offer to clear up. They will either be guilt-tipped into doing it themselves or will be grateful to you. Either way, problem solved.

mommybear1 · 01/09/2018 12:49

We have a beautiful old apple tree in our garden (along with various other fruit trees/plants) and have not noticed any increase in flies or wasps due to the fruit falling. Have you looked at other causes? If it bothers you I'd offer to clean it up via a note but I suspect this isn't what is causing your fly issue.

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:49

I'd go round when one of her children are there and offer to do it.

If she's in her 90s I doubt her son is 40 ish

Her children are both probably in their 60s and are likely still working and also possibly helping out with grandchildren.

Birdsgottafly · 01/09/2018 12:51

""In your position, I would pop a note through her door, that I would come and clear them up.""

Any elderly person that I know would tell you that you will do nothing of the sort.

You can ask, but it would have to be face-to-face.

""She has able bodied adult children who are caring for her, my thoughts are that they should be cleaning up her garden""

They are caring for her, probably doing cooking and cleaning and giving her company. The garden won't be on the list of priorities.

Isentthesignal · 01/09/2018 12:53

Do flies really eat apples? I think it’s just the time of year - put some wasp traps at the bottom of your garden and learn to chill a little - you sound a bit much.

brizzledrizzle · 01/09/2018 12:56

Our elderly neighbour has fruit trees and the fruit is left for wildlife to have but we don't have a lot of flies or wasps, if there were we'd arrange to go and clear it up for her.

grumiosmum · 01/09/2018 12:59

Our apple trees drop lots of fruit on the ground and I leave most of it to rot back in - just pick up the edible windfalls.

Never noticed an increase in flies. There are a few wasps on the fruit, but nothing too bothersome.

And you can't control where wasps will make a nest.

rookiemere · 01/09/2018 13:01

Her adult DCs probably have enough to do with looking after her , but I empathise as it can't be fun not being able to use your garden , so I do think you need to offer to clear them up to solve the problem.

Original poster

RavenLG · 01/09/2018 13:06

If she's in her 90s I doubt her son is 40 ish
Ok my maths was off there lol. They're not in their 60s so she is obviously younger in ill health which is obviously awful.

I think it's awkward as we don't have the relationship with them, our other NDNs I would have no problem offering as we know them and have built a relationship. I didn't want to offend or embarrass either. I did think if my parents had rotten stuff in their back garden I would make an effort to clean it up, but I suppose there could be other priorities I didn't think just typed in frustration.

The son does have my number from when we first moved in, I offered to help with anything she needed, he took number 'just incase' so it's not as if we've not tried to make an effort, admittedly we could do more.

I am happy to hold hands up and say IAMB. Would a note asking if we can clear them be ok though? I wouldn't want to offend.

learn to chill a little - you sound a bit much.
Probably, lol.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 13:08

Op you've taken some criticism well

A note would be fine, maybe best typed in a large type though as your neighbours eyesight might not be great and she could throw it out without reading

TowerRingInferno · 01/09/2018 13:09

Offer to pick then up if it is bothering you.

We have 8 apple trees and struggle to keep on top of picking up the windfalls but they never attract flies, just the occasional wasp.

Isentthesignal · 01/09/2018 13:11

One of elderly parent’s neighbours, mows the lawn for them - he’s very casual about it, so doesn’t make them feel awkward about it. But I think they would feel embarrassed about lifting apples in their back garden - it feels like you are spying on them.

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