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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mix gender sleepover

83 replies

noprobllamas · 31/08/2018 16:57

DD has been invited to a sleepover for her friend's 12th birthday next weekend with a few other children from her class. There will be 3 boys, 2 girls there. She was a bit hesitant at first as it's her first sleepover but decided she wanted to go in the end. Both her dad and my DP (her step dad) don't think she should go with there being 3 boys there. So i supose I'm asking WIBU just to let her go anyway if she still wants to in a weeks time

OP posts:
Lweji · 01/09/2018 22:12

She’s 12. Stop trying to take the innocence of children away.
LOL

Have you met 12 year olds?

Couldyoupossiblybeabitquieter · 01/09/2018 23:12

When I was 12, I was bullied at school because I was still a virgin. I'd say maybe only a third of the class (of 30) had actually had full sex and the rest were exaggerating what they'd done with boys, but it was the norm to have older boyfriends who set the pace (and plied the girls with booze to lower their inhibitions). The peer pressure was intense. I received homophobic death threats from other girls in my class, saying that they were going to kill me because I must be a "dyke" if I'd admitted to being a virgin. This was in the 90s and, for what it's worth, at a grammar school.

Couldyoupossiblybeabitquieter · 01/09/2018 23:15

Sorry, that probably sounded a bit more alarmist than I meant it to! Depends on the kids, of course. But some 12 year olds are definitely thinking about sex (and booze. And - in the case of some of my former classmates - drugs) and peer pressure is an absolute bastard at that age.

Pringlecat · 01/09/2018 23:18

I'm not sure I would send her. No matter her feelings on experimentation, her peers will be doing things at that age. If she's struggling to make friends, she might not feel empowered enough to say no and remove herself from a situation she can't handle.

I think if she had more confidence, I would consider it (with discussion with the other parents). However in this case, I don't think I would, no.

LastOneDancing · 01/09/2018 23:35

Picking her up late in the evening could be a good compromise.
If you can think of something important she needs to do early the next morning (visiting Aunt Alice who lives far away etc.) it gives a valid reason for not staying over, but doesn't send a message that she, or the other kids can't be trusted.

Beeziekn33ze · 01/09/2018 23:55

I'm agreeing with Last One Dancing. Might that mean that the other girl can't stay? Could OP's daughter have only been invited so that the other girl wasn't the only girl?
OP needs a chat with the birthday boy's mother.

Goth237 · 02/09/2018 00:59

I don't think you should let her go if her dad says no. But that's just my personal opinion.

Strongmummy · 03/09/2018 09:16

@goth - why does the dad get the final say? 🙄🙄

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