Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[TryingToThinkPositively]

A few months ago, DP burnt several holes (with a coal from his shisha pipe) in my expensive rug in our front room, which I'd both saved up for and spent all of my birthday money on a few years back. Alongside ruining the rug, he'd also burnt a huge patch of our carpet - we rent, so the whole carpet will need replacing should we ever move, or else we risk losing our deposit. He's still not attempted to patch the carpet like he said he would, though he did replace the rug (with a different, cheaper one), which is fair enough.

Anyway, this morning I've woken up and come in to the front room after going to bed before DP, and I've noticed that yet again, he's burnt another huge hole in the new rug, more little holes surrounding the big one, a burn stain on our sofa and charcoal ash all over the arm of the sofa and our side table.
I rang him upon discovering it, obviously fuming, and was basically told I was overreacting and that it's 'just a rug'.

I take pride in our home and it looks nice thanks to me and only me. I put a large chunk of my 'luxury money' in to making each room look as good as I can on what little budget I have, so to me, it isn't 'just a rug'. It's another thing of mine that I really liked that he's burnt, yet again.

It'll need replacing as there's literally nothing that can be done to patch it up or disguise the giant, melted burn mark. I'm so annoyed that this has happened again, but DP is being so blasé and acting as though he should be totally left off Scott free because it was another 'accident'. While it may have been an accident, I can imagine he'd be feeling as angry as I do right now had I burnt holes in his stuff.... twice. I'd say around a collective amount of £250-£300 worth of stuff has now been ruined thanks to his carelessness with his shisha pipe, but apparently I'm in the wrong for being mad about this!?

Would this annoy you? Or should I just accept that my stuff keeps getting burnt and destroyed?

Of course YANBU. Firstly f it's happening regularly it's not just an accident it's carelessness and secondly even if it was just a one off accident he should at least be sorry and acknowledge that he's damaged something of yours that you care about. I think you should make an agreement that he replaces what he damages out of his luxury money. I wonder whether he'll still be blasé about his accidents then?

Make him shisha in the garden. On a flame retardant mat.

Or melt his shisha pipe

Of course you have a right to be annoyed.

I would probably demand him to replace everything he’s ruined and never smoke that pipe indoors again. If he can’t do it safely, he shouldn’t be doing it in the house.

inist he replaces it and does his shisha somewhere else that isn't going to get damaged. arsehole.

(i have no idea what a shisha is, if its drugs then get rid)

Never mind the rug I'd watch the selfish idiot doesn't set the house on fire

Yanbu

He’s a distrespectful arsehole. Setting soft furnishings alight, he’s risking burning the house down and doesn’t give a shit that he’s ruined your things or put you at risk.

I’d be tempted to burn something of his and shrug and say “it’s just a whatever” but I realise that’s not really on. But oh so fucking tempting. In fact, crush his fucking pipe and shrug when he’s annoyed.

I assume he’s using to smoke dope?

What will he do when he burns the whole house down?

But in short, yanbu and you have every right to be annoyed.

FWIW he sounds like an arsehole on ways other than this. Am I right?

I’d be furious.

He’s repeatedly careless
He’s disrespectful
He’s wasteful
He’s creating a fire hazard and endangering your safety.

Personally I’d be either getting rid of the pipe or getting rid of the man.

Get a quote to replace the carpet and your rugs (like for like). And every fucking time get him to transfer the money to you. Start a nest egg for when you get to have your own place where a careless idiot won't ruin your things and then show you how little consideration he gives your feelings.
If you're in charge of food budget, I'd also stop any meals above basic until the money in in your account.

I've told him the shisha pipe is banned from the front room now. I can accept the accidental burns the first time, but to do it again is just a piss take in my eyes. He can smoke it outside or in the kitchen from now on.

The thing is, he replaced the last rug because of his fuck up, but still wasn't careful! Because he doesn't see homeware as something that's important, to him, it's just a hole in a rug and I need to get over it. To me, it's a nice piece of homeware that's currently covering up a large chunk of our gross, brown rental carpets (im sure if any of you guys rent, you'll know the ones I mean) and now it's fucked, again!

It's not drugs no, I wouldn't allow those in the house. He doesn't smoke weed or anything like that. It's basically just flavoured tobacco with a minimal nicotine content, essentially, a giant vape.

The temptation to ruin his stuff and blame it on an accident is definitely there, not that I'd ever play the tit for tat game, but it would make me feel a little better right now

He's said he can't replace it right now because of family birthdays etc that are coming up. So I'll be replacing it next month and that bloody pipe is coming nowhere near the new rug

Why don't you 'accidentally' destroy his pipe? You probably should actually. It's lucky he hasn't burnt the house down yet.

Im surprised you need to ask! Why on earth should you just have to accept your stuff is being burned and ruined continuously because hes a selfish careless arse who will probably burn the house down at some point, would he just shrug then and say "oh well its only a house"!!

He could replace it if he stopped smoking, would avoid repetition too. If he must smoke tell him it has to be outside.

And when he doesn't smoke this thing in the kitchen/garden. What then?

Do you realise to all visitors all your lovely stuff will stink of his Sisha fumes?

YANBU make him smoke outside!

Grim

I hope you have a working smoke alarm.
I think i'd be tempted to accidently on purpose knock over and break his pipe

Could you point out to him that his pipe is putting your tenancy at risk? Not only is it a fire hazard (given how fucking careless this manbaby is) but most rental agreements don't allow smoking in the property - and you are already going to lose your entire deposit because of the burns to fixtures and fittings.

BTW, just being nosy here, but is he from a culture where smoking shisha is something he grew up with, or is he another wanky white boy trying to be all edgy and alternative with a shisha pipe instead of a vape...

and if your house stinks of smoke you'll probably lose your deposit anyway.

Yanbu! My husband actually did the exact same to my carpet with a shisha pipe and I rent too!! I covered it up with a rug but I know when I move I'll loose a huge chunk of our deposit as they will need to re carpet the room where it happened

Shisha is more carcinogenic than cigarettes. You need to break the pipe or ban him from smoking indoors. If he is repeatedly leaving large burn marks in your furniture and carpets, it is only a matter of time before he burns the whole place down.

Smoking anything is a hazard - not only to health, but to the health of those around.

And it's a fire hazard. How do you sleep knowing he might set light to the sofa/rug/carpet/himself?

I wouldn't allow it in the house.

A shisha pipe with tobacco is nothing like a vape. It is considerably more harmful than cigarettes. Considerably.

Advice from the British Heart Foundation here.

And here’s an interesting extract “When you smoke shisha, you and anyone sitting near you are breathing in smoke which releases toxins including carbon monoxide and heavy metals –reducing your body’s ability to carry oxygen around in your blood”

@ReanimatedSGB had to laugh at the second half of your comment!! 😂 it's not part of his culture no, he just enjoys it and considers it part of his 'down time'.

I smoke cigarettes and I go outside, so I think it's only fair that rule applies to him now too.
The shisha smoke doesn't actually cling to anything or make it smell. If you didn't know he smoked it inside, you wouldn't be able to tell, trust me, it's so subtle so that's not the issue.

It's the pure recklessness with the coals that I can't wrap my head around! And it's absolutely infuriated me that I should just back down and allow it because it's nothing more than a rug 🤔🤬