Do I have a right to be annoyed?

[TryingToThinkPositively]

A few months ago, DP burnt several holes (with a coal from his shisha pipe) in my expensive rug in our front room, which I'd both saved up for and spent all of my birthday money on a few years back. Alongside ruining the rug, he'd also burnt a huge patch of our carpet - we rent, so the whole carpet will need replacing should we ever move, or else we risk losing our deposit. He's still not attempted to patch the carpet like he said he would, though he did replace the rug (with a different, cheaper one), which is fair enough.

Anyway, this morning I've woken up and come in to the front room after going to bed before DP, and I've noticed that yet again, he's burnt another huge hole in the new rug, more little holes surrounding the big one, a burn stain on our sofa and charcoal ash all over the arm of the sofa and our side table.
I rang him upon discovering it, obviously fuming, and was basically told I was overreacting and that it's 'just a rug'.

I take pride in our home and it looks nice thanks to me and only me. I put a large chunk of my 'luxury money' in to making each room look as good as I can on what little budget I have, so to me, it isn't 'just a rug'. It's another thing of mine that I really liked that he's burnt, yet again.

It'll need replacing as there's literally nothing that can be done to patch it up or disguise the giant, melted burn mark. I'm so annoyed that this has happened again, but DP is being so blasé and acting as though he should be totally left off Scott free because it was another 'accident'. While it may have been an accident, I can imagine he'd be feeling as angry as I do right now had I burnt holes in his stuff.... twice. I'd say around a collective amount of £250-£300 worth of stuff has now been ruined thanks to his carelessness with his shisha pipe, but apparently I'm in the wrong for being mad about this!?

Would this annoy you? Or should I just accept that my stuff keeps getting burnt and destroyed?

It's not just the cost of your rug - and why you accepted a cheaper one I don't understand - it will be the cost of your deposit too.

Is he aware how much his selfish smoking habit is going to end up costing in the long run?

Perhaps you need to add it all up and present him with a bill. I'm assuming you paid half of the deposit each. Is he going to reimburse you for your half when you lose it?

I hope you have a working smoke alarm

This ^

He's a danger with it, he's allowed to be a danger to himself, alone, outside, but how many peoples' lives is he endangering by doing that indoors? How many other people live in your house, how many other properties adjoin yours?

If you are house proud and he uses a shisha indoors you probably aren't compatible TBH.

He could burn your house down! He sounds totally selfish.

He also doesn't give a shiny shit about your feelings about your house. Disrespectful.

I'd make him smoke outside. Those pipes are foul... Plus use his own money to pay for replacement carpet, couch etc.

YANBU.

YANBU. He IBVU.

I would be making him pay right now for a new rug - the nice one, not the cheap replacement - AND the cost of a new fitted carpet, and tell him if he hasn't enough money left for birthday presents then he will have to tell the birthday boys/girls that he will buy them something when he can afford it.

If he has no consequences, there is nothing to stop him doing it over and over again. I would be seriously worried that he will end up burning the house down.

I do hope you don’t have any kids in the house. If they don’t get ill with second hand smoke then they’re at risk of being in a house fire

He can still afford to smoke though, can't he?

What Queenarse said.

If you smoke OP you probably can't smell what other people can. Is there a no smoking clause in your tenancy? If I were a LL and a house was stinky due to this I would be witholding as much of the deposit as necessary to have the house restored to neutral.

I know someone who had to remove the actual plaster from a house because of lingering smoke smells.

He doesn't appear to respect you at all

He needs to go outside- he's proved over and over again how much damage it causes, never mind the fire risk.

He needs to set aside money now to pay back the landlord when he moves out, plus paying you back for your tings which have been damaged. You absolutely do have the right to be annoyed about the things which have been repeatedly damaged.

I'd be buying a new carpet and rug instead of any birthday/ Christmas presents for him- though TBH I'm not sure I'd want to remain in a relationship with someone who had so little respect for my safety or treasured possessions.

He smokes outside only, not even in the kitchen.

And I would be so tempted to burn holes in something valuable of his. Does he have a playstation or Xbox?

www.cancerresearchuk.org/about-cancer/causes-of-cancer/smoking-and-cancer/shisha-and-other-types-of-tobacco

Why don't you both think about vaping? Shisha is still inhaling carbon monoxide. It's much safer from a fire safety point of view to vape, the London Fire Brigade have said so. Vaping is NOT the same as shisha, it's much safer.

I agree with PP who suggest that this dick is probably a dick in other ways: this kind of selfish thoughtlessness is never confined to one specific behaviour. I bet he doesn't do anything like his share of domestic work. I bet he's frequently late for dates/social occasions that involve your enjoyment rather than his.

No you genuinely can't smell that it's been smoked in here. The majority of my family don't smoke and I've asked them if they can smell it and they've all said no, so i know that I'm not just nose blind to it.

The shisha tobacco is dirt cheap. He'll spend about £15 on it and that'll last him 4-6 weeks, so it's not like he's continually spunking money on it and skinting himself.

The main issue is that he's simply not seeing why or how the rug is important to me. It's not the fact that it's just a rug, it could've been an item of my clothing or a cushion or something! It's that I liked that rug, it was a replacement for one he'd already ruined and it tied in nicely with our decor. I imagine had he 'accidentally' broke a piece of my jewellery or destroyed a whole wash of laundry, he'd probably care a bit more. But because it's homeware, he just doesn't care!

@Orchiddingme DP doesn't need to vape. Having a shisha every now again is for him, the equivalent of someone enjoying a glass of wine once or twice a week. He's not addicted to nicotine. He smokes it in the way that tourists rent a shisha pipe when they go to Camden, it's just 'something to do to chill out'. I enjoy smoking cigarettes, but I've said I'll make the switch to a vape when I'm good and ready.

I know that a shisha pipe and a vape aren't exactly the same things, it was more a way of describing it so that people could see it wasn't drugs

No the shisha tobacco isn't dirt cheap OP. It's cost you an expensive rug, it will cost you a large chunk of your deposit. It could be costing you your health and it might cost you your life if he sets the house alight.

You have a garden , he needs a shed, or a pop up awning thingy. Shame it's coming on to Autumn..........

He doesn't give a toss about the things that are important to you. Leads me to think he doesn't actually care about you.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? He won't change.

And in answer to your original question, yes you do, in fact I would up your annoyance to the MN gold standard of fuming. Appropriate too.

Well I'm glad to hear that I'm not just throwing my toys out of my pram and I do have a right to be pissed off! I was starting wonder if I was being dramatic based on the way he was talking to me. But I will firmly stand my ground when he gets in from work later!!!

I assume he’s using to smoke dope?

What kind of world do you live in? Have you seriously been that unexposed to other cultures?

Educate yourself, please.

It's so obviously not just an accident. If you've done something that has caused serious damage to someone else's possessions, you don't repeat that activity where it can do the same damage again, or if you do you take massive precautions like, in this case, covering the furniture and rugs with something that is non-flammable. He clearly didn't bother to do any of that. It's also not impressive that he left you to discover it rather than confessing first.

He needs to pay you back now - too bad if he has family birthdays coming up, maybe he can pack in the shisha and use what he saves for presents. Please don't say that he can use it in your kitchen, there will still be things in there that can be damaged.

What I'm wondering is why you're questioning whether you have a 'right' to be annoyed about someone destroying your things - since when is it ever ok for a person to burn holes in another person's belongings and not give a shit about it??

@Trying Don't worry about the rental carpet and your deposit. The landlord can only claim for the section that is damaged (weird I know) and carpets in rentals have a limited life span (usually because the quality is so poor & cheapest purchased) so they'll be able to claim very little from your deposit. If they try it, refuse and go to the deposit scheme dispute service.

I’d stuff his shisha pipe up his arse. 👿

Why shouldn't the LL take money from the deposit for a damaged carpet Kamma89? Is he/she supposed to be like the OP and shrug their shoulders and accept that someone burning holes in their (the LL's) property is something that one has to accept.