To tell DF ex to get lost

[Mar1984]

DF ex has never worked, DD is 10 and DS6 they haven’t been together for 2 years. We have the children 50/50 and she claims all the benefits and we pay her maintenance weekly. My partner is self employed so works his hours to be able to do school runs for his kids on his days and when his are with there mother he does the school run for mine if I am working- I do different shifts every week and each are 12 hour. If he has his my DM collects and drops mine and he gets them on the way back as they are different schools at the other end of our town.
In June his Ex got a job and we had weeks of stress with her trying to change everything and wanted us to pay all childcare, job lasted 2 days before she got ‘let go’.
She is now saying she had to get a job as benefits are being cut. The AIBU is she wants us to pay childcare for 2/4 weeks a month. Her childcare has to be set days so she wants to pay for her weeks but wants us to pay the weeks we have them to hold the place. We won’t be using the childcare and my partner likes being able to collect/ drop his children. We can’t afford to pay 120 two weeks a month for childcare we won’t use. She says she is entitled to us to pay it but I want to tell her to get lost as we offered to try and move days to help etc but she says she is not Changing days so we just have to pay. She is only going to work 24 hours a week but states she needs childcare every day as if she is working she needs time for her. Despite not being able to afford it I think she is being a CF but it keeps going round and round and there seems no resolution- so I want to check if we are being unreasonable

Also we are trying to reduce the amount my mum helps due to her health so him getting his everyday etc isn’t really an option esp as my mum has major surgery coming up

So she wants you to pay for childcare so she has time for herself?

Not. A. Chance.

You should pay half the childcare for what’s actually needed. Obviously not for her rest time. As your partner is st work, the childcare is beneficial for both of them.

Though I guess at the moment, she is providing childcare so your DP can work?

She needs 2 or 3 days childcare care but wants to book 5 so she gets the other 2 days a week extra when she isn’t working and when we have them the whole following week us to pay for 5 to hold the place full time

Remind her that if she works 16 hours or more pw, she'll get a big chunk of the childcare paid by tax credits...

No she does no childcare in our days at all in the holidays we have worked his work between my Rita so one of us is home at all times, she will not help or have them during our time at all

She has to fund her own childcare. I separated from exH over three years ago and childcare has been my responsibility ever since. He sees them 24 hours a week max so nowhere near 50:50 and it’s always on a Sunday when I’m not working. I work as a teacher so I have to pay for breakfast club and a childminder after school until I get back between 5 and 5:30pm. It’s fucking shit if you ask me especially considering his CM payment is minuscule but there you go.

When it’s her access, she pays. When it’s your DP’s, he pays. That’s how the cookie crumbles.

So we should pay childcare for her to work even though we don’t need it and already took a hit on income so we can sort them ourselves

But that’s just it on our days we don’t need childcare my DF stops them and collects them

Childcare is for her to sort out during her days, same as it's for you to sort out on your days. You should not have to pay for the days of childcare if you don't actually need them, she's asking you to to benefit her (and the kids) so the places are kept for them and they don't lose them. I can understand that, but perhaps she should use the maintenance she is currently getting to pay for it as if you have the kids 50/50 why is your DF paying child maintenance anyway? Is it via CMS?

Why isn’t DH getting half the child benefit? I would also check first of all the maintenance payments on the Yougov website to ensure that they are correct, it’s unusual for a parent to pay maintenance if there is 50/50 care unless your DH is very well paid. Childcare will need to be paid for, that is not unreasonable, but only on the days that she works. If she starts working full-time that is a different matter.

Tell her to jog on or you will be asking her for half the chid benefit. Cheeky cah.

Why is your partner paying her maintenance if he is sharing the care 50/50?

He could also be claiming the child benefit/tax credits for one of the children too.

The idea that he should be funding the childcare for when the children are in their mother's care is totally outrageous.

Ffs! You have them half the week, pay child support even though he doesn’t have to due to the 50/50 split AND she wants childcare paid for? Cheeky fuckery at its finest.

I too can’t see why she’s getting anything at all if care is 50:50.

Being a single parent she will get about 80% of the childcare paid for. If she wants to pay for childcare for the days she isn't at work then that's her problem. I'm a single parent and I am the resident parent, my ex husband pays maintenance and I get all tax credits and child benefit. I wouldn't ask him to pay extra for childcare as I'd get help with it from the government and he gives me a decent maintenance anyway. Some women are cheeky. Your DP does more childcare than my ex does!

Because she didn’t work he had a higher income so the CMS states we have to pay, it’s not a huge amount but it’s still paid. We also buy all school uniform, coats and shoes as she never has any money- but that’s a different story

I agree with PPs if it's 50/50 custody he shouldn't be paying maintenance

To be clear she will pay her weeks but wants us to pay our weeks even though we won’t use or need the childcare

The CMS says he needs to pay maintenance? Is that a recent decision?

I have 50/50 care with my two kids, no maintenance is payable because of this, and my ex doesn't work so there is a similar disparity of income.

I know years ago the old CSA wasn't set up to deal with shared care, but if it's going through the CMS I'd be phoning up.

The CMS told as as she is the ‘resident’ parent ie claiming child benefit etc we have to pay

The child benefit for us is kept by ex and maintenance is paid - if we stopped she would stop acess as apparently feels the kids are pay per view !!!!
However even she isnt this much of a CF to expect dp to pay for childcare on her days with the DC. With cover our day and her hers, asking for anything else is unreasonable!!

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/672432/how-we-work-out-child-maintenance.pdf

Q: What happens if the day-to-day care of a child is equal between a
paying parent and a receiving parent?
A: In this situation, the paying parent does not have to pay any child
maintenance for that child.

I would be phoning the CMS if I was your partner.

Also with CMS with 50:50 you do have to pay to reisdnet parent but it's a nominal amount (7 quid or something) because it designed to cover school uniform etc as it's assumed reisnt parent pays for that despite being 50:50. Personally I think it's wrong as we have all the same costs as per - food, bulls, housing, clothes , uniform but she gets all the child benefit etc and maintenance!