Friend going out with a loser

[snowy2000]

A very close friend (friends since young children, now in our mid-thirties) is going out with a guy that I think is going to disappoint her, long term. She’s one of those people who’s always preferred to be in a relationship, and before this relationship, was seeing someone who was incredibly charming, funny, clever.. had a bit about him, if you know what I mean. He also happened to come from quite a lot of money, not that money makes you happy though. They drifted apart, and ended things amicably, and She’s now been going out with her current fella about three years. Without wanting to sound overly mean, he’s just not very dynamic. Shy, a bit unapproachable, hard work to chat to (although she clearly gets on very well with him and loves him dearly – she’s hilarious so I guess there must be more to him than meets the eye). He’s got an average manual job with limited prospects. Won’t ever earn really enough for a mortgage (not in London anyway) again not the be all and end all but i know she is keen to get on the property ladder (she earns more than him) .He doesn’t strike me as being that bright. He also suffers from bad anxiety and bouts of depression, and smokes a lot of mariguana (I think he smokes every day which clearly exacerbates his issues). They have discussed marriage (more her pushing for it) and I think he’s pushed back / bought time by saying that he doesn’t like a fuss, if they do it one day, it’ll just be the two of them type thing. I know she also wants children one day but I worry that the clock is ticking on that one (nearly 36), and I can’t see this guy feeling “ready” to have kids any time soon – he has so many issues of his own. Without going on too much, my question is, do I / her other friends say anything to her? I would hate for her to miss a potential for a husband and kids (which is what she frequently says she wants), but at the same time, she is always going on how much she loves and adores this guy (but we think she does too much for him, bends over backwards, and not sure what she gets in return). Don’t want to unnecessarily upset or cause hurt but we think he will let her down. Your views are appreciated and thank you.

I was that friend and tbh I would have welcomed an intervention as it was too difficult for me to bring the topic up with my friends. Mostly the baby issue though. It’s her choice if she prefers a more relaxed kind of man and relationship but the baby thing is hard.

Having said that I also understand why my friends never said anything, and I don’t think I would either. It’s her life.

I’m with the minority. Next time she says anything I would definitely ask her about kids... as youve encountered difficulties you can come at it from that perspective. At 45 if he’s not ready, he’s never going to be. That’s fine and his choice but if it’s not hers then she needs to end it. I once asked a friend if she closed her eyes and thought of her future what was in it... can she actually imagine him holding their child? Or leaving him with the child (with a spliff in his mouth?) .

I have a friend who continues to tell me about her and her partners thoughts and misgivings about my previous partner. Yes, ultimately the relationship failed but I can do without the 'I told you so's' and I'm not happy about being aware that I was the subject of so many of their discussions.

I found her totally unsupportive about my choice. I'd been unable to speak to her about any problems that occurred as she used anything I said as an opportunity to tell me to end the relationship.

It was my choice and it ultimately was a bad one. But I don't regret it. I learned from it.

I don't think her partner is the right one for her. He is cold, abrupt and easily offended. I think if she was happy she would be less critical of other peoples lives and stop trying to interfere. I keep out of it as it's not my business.

I am not her. I have different criteria for a partner.

Love is a pointless comcept, often appropriated by women and used as a justification for an otherwise shit relationship.
You should say nothing and keep your thoughts to yourself. Its been 3 years

I hate everything about Hotels! Boring chains that all look same, the everyday unnecessary cleaning, breakfast finishes before I'm ready to leave the room. No where to make a meal or sit apart from your bed... Airbnb is not perfect but I've never had a problem, and I've never spent more than ten minutes tidyng before leaving. In 15+ stays this has always gotten a good review. They all been clean, owners going out of the way to be helpful, usually stocked with basic food and toiletries, welcome bottle of wine, once even fresh straberries from the market...

Alpha female here and definitely prefer my alpha male

Lol poppy I think you're lost!