Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand how this different from putting an anorexic model on the cover

601 replies

Spinderelle · 30/08/2018 12:59

Cosmopolitan have a morbidly obese model on their cover this month. I am absolutely behind the idea of body positivity - after children my body is far from perfect and it’s nice to see companies like ASOS use larger women and not airbrush stretch marks etc.

But this model is dangerously obese and risking her health. How is that any different from having a dangerously thin model on the cover?

OP posts:
StarWarsHolidaySpecial · 01/09/2018 10:22

She must feel intense pressure to maintain her obesity. Her entire career is based on it. If she lost weight she'd be considered a 'traitor' to other obese women.

I feel very uncomfortable with that.

80sMum · 01/09/2018 10:35

Oh my goodness! I agree, the model is indeed morbidly obese. That young lady is going to have so many health problems in the very near future if she doesn't manage to get to grips with losing weight. I am thinking that her heart, her joints, her feet, her endocrine system must all be under tremendous strain.

gendercritter · 01/09/2018 10:47

I don't agree she could get up off the floor unaided - sorry but she is too heavy. She is approaching a size where she will soon need carers to maintain her hygiene/health too.

That is really really sad when you're otherwise physically healthy. I have carers help me because of a disability. It isn't fun. I wish I could tell her personally to work as hard as she can to take herself in the opposite direction to that and take it very seriously, for her own sake. There is support out there. Life is so much harder with serious health problems.

alardi · 01/09/2018 11:18

she's 20 stone, right? I bet there are a lot of MNers who weigh 20 stone & they get up & down ok.

It's a terrible weight to take into your elder years, though. My folks in their 70s are trim weight but struggle to get off the floor.

raisedbyguineapigs · 01/09/2018 11:18

I agree with you star wars. She would never lose enough weight to be a 'normal sized' model. Her career is based on her obesity. When she gets very sick and has problems due to her weight she will still be under pressure to stay the way she is.

hula008 · 01/09/2018 11:19

She is approaching a size where she will soon need carers to maintain her hygiene/health too.

Some of the stuff on this thread is ridiculous.

trancepants · 01/09/2018 11:30

Society does treat the very thin women with reverence and the fat with disgust and revulsion.

Society absolutely 100% does not treat very thin women with reverence. When I was overweight I had people absolutely deny that I was overweight. At a healthy weight, but not remotely thin as I have a naturally curvy and muscular physique, I have people tell me I look 'miserably thin.'

When I was overweight people were extremely reluctant to hurt my feelings. I would say I need to lose 10kg to get back into the healthy weight range and ideally 12-13kg to be at what I know is best for me. And I'd be vehemently told that I was not overweight at all. I was being constantly pushed to eat cake/desserts that I really didn't want. When I lost 8kg, people started commenting that I was very, very skinny and should eat more. Any mention that actually I was still overweight was met with horror as if I'd developed a dangerous eating disorder.

Now I'm back in the healthy range, but I know that at 40 if I want to maintain this weight, I need to work on strength training and muscle maintenance. I don't want to lose weight but I want to make sure that the weight I do carry is muscle rather than fat. And I get treated like I am bloody mad by anyone who knows I work out or notices that I avoid snacking. Or even just have comments that I am too skinny, miserable looking, warned about having an eating disorder by people I barely know. My mum even has her friends/older relatives taking her aside to share their 'concerns' about my weight. And again, I'm not even remotely thin.

gendercritter · 01/09/2018 11:40

she's 20 stone, right? I bet there are a lot of MNers who weigh 20 stone & they get up & down ok.

She is not 20 stone, no. She is nearer 30 stone than 20

gendercritter · 01/09/2018 11:48

Some of the stuff on this thread is ridiculous.

I'm sorry but it's true. She is approaching a weight where she will soon not be able to reach her own feet to clean them, if she even can now. She is already having difficulty wearing shoes. When you are morbidly obese you are at risk of developing edema in your legs as well as being prone to recurring sores on your legs or feet. They are very poor to heal and need frequent care and dressing changes. Some people are lucky and will avoid some of that. It depends on the individual.

Also when one develops a very big stomach, self-care after using the loo is an issue too.

It's just the reality of getting that big. It's extremely unpalatable to talk about but it's true. She puts up pretty selective (and beautiful) photos of herself but if you look at multiple ones, her true size is easier to gauge.

gendercritter · 01/09/2018 11:51

Beautiful as she is (and I really think she is), this is not someone who can easily access her own feet.

trancepants · 01/09/2018 11:51

You can only insult someone's intelligence if they've got some.

Ah Bluelady, I agree that there have been some needlessly unkind comments about Tess Holiday. But this kind of thing is just as bad. You can't call someone out on being a nasty, mean girl while resorting to the same nasty behaviour. You are also ignoring all the factual commentary and personal stories of of people who are or have been overweight and still disturbed by promotion of the clinical condition of morbid obesity as a positive lifestyle choice. Instead you are just grouping everyone who you disagree with as a nasty girl. Which is nasty behaviour itself because you are attempting to use slurs to shut down whoever disagrees with you.

You also compared skin colour, sexual orientation, age and disability to a deeply unhealthy, life limiting lifestyle choice. That's actually fucked up. I get what you were trying to do but it's really not even remotely ok to make those comparisons. A more apt comparison would be having a cover model with a cigarette to celebrate smokers. A cover model using a razor blade to engage in physical self-harm to celebrate scars. Or a partially bald cover model eating her hair to celebrate trichotillomania.

None of those conditions have any bearing on a person's worth, personality or right to not be abused. But they are still not to be celebrated. Just like morbid obesity isn't. The nasty personal comments toward Tess Holiday are not ok. But saying that her condition is absolutely nothing to celebrate is actually necessary because it is a very dangerous condition to promote. Denying that is just being wilfully obtuse and the very, very definition of virtue signalling.

Conversely, celebrating the skin colour, sexual orientation or disabilities of people who have been traditionally, and still often are, discriminated against because of it, is a very good thing. The same goes for celebrating ageing women, as it's an inevitability that we should be made feel shit about. Celebrating a lifestyle choice that leads to severe health problems and unnecessarily shortened lifespans is not comparable.

SpringSnow · 01/09/2018 11:53

There's a lot of people on this thread that can't deal with the truth

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/09/2018 13:27

It's a shame that the thread has plummeted to the lowest possible denominator. Fat is such a draw for so many women to talk about.

I really like AyntheRand's post, AuditQueen's also. I'm sorry that those posters threads haven't dominated the thread as their words are powerful.

I'm sorry for any person (and women particularly) who are struggling with their weight - at any side of the spectrum. Talking about obesity is helpful and necessary; the judgement is not. I'm surprised that needs saying really. Judgement achieves nothing other than give the 'judge' a little frisson of superiority, it's not intended to be helpful however much that's cloaked as concern.

Not normalising something harmful is fine but it doesn't need to come with a dose of moralising and acceptance of a person as a human being should be possible by everyone without feeling (as some seem to) that they're contributing to the obesity crisis.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/09/2018 13:30

... and well said, tracepants

HelenaDove · 01/09/2018 13:48

there are a few derogatory comments on the linked thread about Ashley Graham also.

To pretend that there isnt is disingenuous.

Lying Witch i agree with your posts.

Fireworks91 · 01/09/2018 13:57

Bench pressing cheeseburgers anyon

Fireworks91 · 01/09/2018 13:58

*anyone

LadyDeadpool · 01/09/2018 14:37

How horrifying and utterly destroying to read this thread. Apparently, I along with hundreds of other MH sufferers are hideous, disgusting, vile and ugly because of our weight.
I've never been slim but when I was put on a varying array of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics to stop me killing myself I gained a huge amount of weight which is nearly impossible to lose despite me eating less in a day than my size 6 daughter.

Sometimes I can feel pretty and it helps the soul crushing despair I feel every damn day ease and then I'm reminded by threads like this that I have no right to feel pretty and I'm just a burden on the NHS and my loved ones and should have taken myself out a long time ago so people didn't have to suffer looking at me and my vile disgusting body.

HelenaDove · 01/09/2018 14:40

Lady Thanks

Bluelady · 01/09/2018 14:54

That's exactly what I was getting at, Lady. Somehow it's OK to say these things about someone based on their size, whereas if they were said on the basis of any other defining characteristic there would be complete outrage.

You can all sneer at me as much as you like. When you upset other women in the way you have with LadyDeadpool and several others there's no excuse whatsoever.

My reference to stupidity is completely valid because I'm not comparing skin colour, sexual orientation, age or disability with obesity as you all insist. I'm saying replace the word fat in your nasty comments with any of those and you'll see just have prejudiced and deeply unpleasant you've been.

trancepants · 01/09/2018 14:59

My reference to stupidity is completely valid because I'm not comparing skin colour, sexual orientation, age or disability with obesity as you all insist. I'm saying replace the word fat in your nasty comments with any of those and you'll see just have prejudiced and deeply unpleasant you've been.

And what is that if not comparison. That's the very bloody definition of it. Yes some of the comments here have been vile and offensive. But many of yours are honestly equally so. Just from the other end of the spectrum.

MurunBuchstansagur · 01/09/2018 15:09

Anyone can see fatness is becoming normalised just by looking on fb.

Enormous teen girls posting pictures and all their friends commenting “You look gawjus hun!!” when they don’t. They look like overstuffed sofas. But everybody is bootiful right?! 🙄

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 01/09/2018 15:11

LadyDeadpool, HelenaDove and any other posters affected by this (largely) horrid thread... You are not hideous, disgusting, vile, ugly or worthless because of your weight. Whatever it is, it doesn't define you, me or anybody else. If I'm 'bang on target' for the made-up adult 'centiles' that some posters have in their heads, so bloody what? It doesn't make me 'worth' more. I'm the same person inside that I always was but my weight doesn't contribute to what I am... only my gravitational pull on the earth and what size clothes I pluck from the rails.

Anybody - and that includes everybody who does it - anybody who chooses to demean another person for what they weigh is lacking. They're a bit (or maybe a lot?) inadequate. Any person (other than a medical specialist) who thinks that somebody's weight is 'up for discussion' and 'rating' is a bit of an idiot. Don't judge them harshly because they really can't help it. They were always like this, the various forums have just given them a platform for spouting, and so they do.

I feel very strongly about this because I have disordered eating myself, I know how easy it is to tip yourself from one end of the spectrum to the other and I know how difficult it can be to regulate your eating when you feel helpless and afraid that you'll never get to grips with it yourself. I laugh on here about my 'Wotsits' thing but it's not that funny really... replace that pointless and unnecessary snack with actual nutritious food and my lack of control could have been just the same. Those without capacity to think or put themselves in others shoes are just not going to understand that. Forgive them their stupid comments because that's almost a protected characteristic in its own right now.

This isn't a great thread, it's on AIBU for a start so the strata and calibre of posters is 'a bit different', but there are some insightful posts in and amongst the absolute dross. It's easy to focus on the negative things that people say but why bother? Their views are facile and cloaked in how women look. That's the extent of it - how women look. They're as misogynistic as any, it's sad that they're women but, there is it. They're not allies, they're not ever going to contribute meaningfully to a thread that actually matters on a subject that is pretty damn crucial for everybody really, they'll just do what they always do - make themselves feel a little bit better by lashing out with vim and vigour, on something they know little or nothing about. They're best ignored. Don't bother checking for cloven hoofs or a nearby bridge, focus on the posts from those that don't seek to diminish or demean you, me or anybody else. Not for our weight.

Lady you have EVERY right to feel pretty and you have every right to access the NHS and any other help available to you. Grab it and fight for it because those rights - to paraphrase from The Constitution, are inalienable.

TL:DR - This isn't a dress rehearsal, ignore the trolls and live your life as you want it. Grasp every bit of happiness from it that you can. Flowers

Bluelady · 01/09/2018 15:11

Whatever, transpants, it's not me making other women cry because of their size.

gendercritter · 01/09/2018 15:16

Talking about obesity is helpful and necessary; the judgement is not

This sums it up for me.