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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours and parking

77 replies

Emma765 · 29/08/2018 22:36

Looking for your opinions, AIBU to want to talk this through further with next door neighbour?

We bought our new house in December, and spent January working on it. It's a semi detached. Next door has a drive, we don't. We moved in end of Jan.

On the day we got the keys, my Mum came round. It was pitch black, chucking it down and she had only been here once before. She accidentally parked in front of next door's drive. She was here for 10 mins or so and he knocked on the door and was pretty rude about it. She apologised said she hadn't realised and picked up her bag to move it straight away, he carried on being rude despite that it was clearly and accident and to be honest I was a bit upset that it was my first interaction with new neighbour, he didn't even introduce himself. Best of it was, he didn't need to go out.

A few weeks later, my husband was working later than he should have been on the house. Neighbour knocked on to ask him to be quiet. According to my husband, neighbour was really rude about it. Knowing my husband he was likely a bit rude back and not as reasonable as he made out.

Following that, we had an electrician round who parked his van with his wheels on the white line for next doors drive, not blocking the drive itself. He knocked and asked me to ask electrician to move. Fair enough. Again didn't actually go out though.

I took a parcel in for them not long after we moved in. He came round for it and we chatted for 20 mins or so. He told me that he'd fallen out with the couple who lived here for 30 odd years, and fallen out with their daughter who inherited it. Also told me that all the neighbours had been gossiping about the amount of work we were having done and asking him what was going on. Quite certain that's untrue on the basis that no one seems that bothered with what everyone else is up to. He also said that he was good friends with the boss of the electrician, and that if he parked in front of his drive again he'd be forced to tell him that he was picking up foreigners. In reality, the boss knew all about it and was coming to sign the work off as the lad was still an apprentice. The boss didn't even know the neighbour, said he knew of him but they certainly weren't on speaking terms.

One last incident where he asked my husband to get a car moved that was parked in front of his drive, apparently very rude again, but my husband told him it had nothing to do with us and he didn't know who it belonged to so he should 'wind his fucking neck in' not how I would have approached it but there you go.

The conversation i had with him led me to think he was just a bit of a busy body and full of his own self importance and someone I should pay no mind to, full of crap basically. Since then I've politely said hello to him, he blanks my husband.

Fast forward to today, husband comes home driving a much bigger works van than normal. Pulls up outside, wheels are on next doors white line (it overhangs the drive by several feet). He comes inside to get our car key to shift the car up so he can move the van, we're really cautious given how he is. Neighbour comes out of house and loses his shit, telling my husband he has no intention of moving the van, he's just lazy. Husband asks him what his problem is and why he's had a problem ever since we moved in, the very first day when he was rude to my Mum. Neighbour denies being rude and gets in an argument with me about whether he was or not, then said that my mum clearly didn't park there by accident and she was just too plain lazy to walk up the street. I told him he was absolutely wrong and if he knew my Mum he would realise that.

My Dad is retired and comes up to cut our grass and hedges every few weeks and neighbour said to husband " I'm not lazy like you, I don't get my parents to come and do my gardening" I told him that it was absolutely not his place to comment or pass judgement and he agreed that it wasn't.

I said we're not doing this because we are not the type of people who fall out with neighbours. We've never fallen out with a neighbour in our lives. He says that's not what he's heard. Obvious crap again as we moved from 200 miles away to the rented property, and only ever met our next door neighbours there and got on really well with them. He said he knew where we'd lived before, obviously as proof of his accusation, but I pointed out that it was me who told him that when he came to pick up his parcel.

Argument petered out when a visitor arrived for us, and because neighbour decided not to upset me as I'm six months pregnant.

Husband just wants to blank him forever. I want to approach him next time he's out in the garden and say that I don't like arguments hanging over us and want to clear the air. I specifically though want to pull him up on the fact that insulting us was completely unnecessary and completing untrue, and actually weakened the point he was trying to make. I want him to say sorry.

The whole thing today is so bizarre because actually, neither of the two of us have ever blocked his bloody drive and never would!

AIBU to want to chat with neighbour again and clear the air a bit? Husband says he's clearly an unreasonable man and it will only make it worse. I wouldn't want to do it with husband there as that would make it worse, but I'm all together calmer and more reasonable and would feel much better not leaving things as they are.

Sorry that's about ten times longer than I intended!

OP posts:
Tiredtomybones · 29/08/2018 22:56

I'd just keep a quiet distance for a while and see what happens.

Portobellae · 29/08/2018 22:57

I agree with your husband. Leave him to it, a discussion will only lead to a further argument.

sunsunsunsunsun · 29/08/2018 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fatted · 29/08/2018 22:59

Just stay the hell away. He's already warned you what he's like by saying he fell out with the other neighbours. And next time a parcel comes for him, don't take it in!

Oobis · 29/08/2018 23:02

Oh dear! You sound like lovely and considerate neighbours. He sounds below average height, middle aged, perhaps nursed aging parents and never had a proper relationship 🤔. Anyway, I digress. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold. Sadly, it looks like he's not one of those. Probably best keep your distance, be civil and hope that if either side ever has an emergency, common sense and human kindness will prevail. But certainly don't go out if your way to appease him, it sounds like that would be a losing battle and you've bigger fish to fry. 6 months - how hugely exciting for you both!!!! Take lots of care and remember how pink and rosey those pregnancy hormones can turn the greatness of things and smile 😊

SoupDragon · 29/08/2018 23:03

I would steer clear of him.

Oobis · 29/08/2018 23:04

Greyness. They turn grey pink. Well mine did, I was incurably happy smiley and optimistic 😜

SoupDragon · 29/08/2018 23:05

He sounds below average height, middle aged, perhaps nursed aging parents and never had a proper relationship

Way to insult 4 groups of people!

FeedMeTikka · 29/08/2018 23:05

Agree with your husband, you can’t reason with the unreasonable so what’s they point in trying. It’s highly doubtful that you speaking to him will result in the epiphany that makes him apologise.

Scrumptiousbears · 29/08/2018 23:05

Steer clear but document everything that has happened and anything in the future. If this becomes an issue you may need it.

BoomBoomsCousin · 29/08/2018 23:07

Your DH is right. You aren’t going to get what your looking for from him. He’s an ass. I wouldn’t bother blanking him, but I wouldn’t spend any time at all concerned about what he thinks or says.

HoleyCoMoley · 29/08/2018 23:08

Keep out of his way, he's just a bully and wants to be king of the road, so what if he fell out with people before you moved in, he's just trying to look important, don't mess with me twattish behaviour. Don't take parcels in, don't bother getting into any conversation, say hello if you see him but nothing more. Does he live alone. Congratulations on your p.g don't let this silly little man ruin your happiness.

Gazelda · 29/08/2018 23:12

I agree with your DH. Neighbour is obviously not the sort to say "oh yes, you're right. Sorry, let's be friends".
Just politely say hello if you see him and continue to be considerate neighbours.

fc301 · 29/08/2018 23:16

Ignore forever. You can't reason with crazy.

And oobis WTAF??

nancy75 · 29/08/2018 23:17

A different view point, my neighbours park right up to the line next to my drive, it makes it almost impossible to get in & out. From his point of view your first day there one of your visitors has parked o er his drive, then your workman did it, then someone else. Alongside that your husband is doing noisy work later than he should. The man possibly thinks nuisance neighbours have moved in & wants to put a stop to it from the start

Emma765 · 29/08/2018 23:17

Thanks guys :) he lives with his wife but she doesn't make any eye contact or speak and I've never ever seen her smile, she's not a happy lady. I don't think they're happy people.

He is about 5 ft 2, in his 60s @Oobis. Well done! My husband is tall and broad with a skin head which I think is why the neighbour approaches him with an unnecessary amount of aggression. He's not to know he's soft as shit really.

You're right I should pay him no mind and just carry on. I just hate arguments especially stupid pointless ones! And this will all run through my mind over and over for days.

My visitor was a lady whose cat has been missing for weeks, he appeared in my garden a few times today and I recognised him from Facebook so I'll let trying to befriend him take up my time for the next few days instead Grin let me know if you have any tips, he runs a mile from me at the moment.

OP posts:
StripeyDeckchair · 29/08/2018 23:19

He'll never admit he was wrong and is likely to try to twist anything you say to him.
I'd say hello if you pass on the street and otherwise ignore, anything more will end in grief.

Emma765 · 29/08/2018 23:22

@Nancy that's what I excused him with when he came round that first day, he wanted to nip it in the bud in case we were just inconsiderate arseholes. But he was so so rude. The lines literally go for 2.5 feet either side of his drive, and there's no cars parked on other side of road so it's really very easy for him to get out. In addition, if you park up to the line, three cars can fit in that set of spaces, if not only two. So parking up to the line means being more considerate to neighbours on the other side of us, who incidentally we get on very well with. Plus the someone else was nothing to do with us, must have been neighbours on other side.

OP posts:
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 29/08/2018 23:25

Agree with nancy75 just avoid him the best you can and don’t park on his drive or over the line.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 29/08/2018 23:27

Sorry didn’t see your update

WillWorkForShoes · 29/08/2018 23:31

Don't engage him. He sounds like a numpty who likes to have a row. Whatever you do will be wrong. Park legally but considerately. Still take parcels in cos it's a nice thing to do, and it's good to be nosy and see what kinds of things he buys.

Bahhhhhumbug · 29/08/2018 23:32

We live on a main road next to a row of shops and have a drive with dropped kerb and HBar white line. It is infuriating how many people ignore this and park over it and every single one has a bloody excuse. It is somehow even more infuriating when the culprit has just moved in as we found when a new shopkeeper took over next door and parked her car across our drive/white line on the very first day she moved in and proceeded to unload her car then lock the car up and buggered off. My DH did write a sarky.ote a d put it on her car to which she did knock and apologise profusely and hasn't done it since. But yes we did overreact because it was her first day and you just think 'here we go' etc.
Not sticking up for him he sounds like I tor Meldrew but not funny and l think you should just avoid him and just say hello and that's it. oh and stay off his white line e en if it's just for a minute or whatever.

HoleyCoMoley · 29/08/2018 23:33

Tempt him in with dreamies, the cat not the ndn.Smile

headinhands · 29/08/2018 23:38

Make sure you're never parked over the white line. Don't make a point of clearing the air, he'll see it as him being told off. Just keep your distance but a cheery hello to keep things as comfortable as possible. Your husbands a bit of a hot head too isn't he.

Bouledeneige · 29/08/2018 23:39

Sone people look for offence and to be upset. Thats him.

Maintain the high ground - polite distance. Don't engage with him - hes looking for an argument and will never say sorry.

Good luck with everyone else and errant pet.

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