Neighbours and parking

[Emma765]

Looking for your opinions, AIBU to want to talk this through further with next door neighbour?

We bought our new house in December, and spent January working on it. It's a semi detached. Next door has a drive, we don't. We moved in end of Jan.

On the day we got the keys, my Mum came round. It was pitch black, chucking it down and she had only been here once before. She accidentally parked in front of next door's drive. She was here for 10 mins or so and he knocked on the door and was pretty rude about it. She apologised said she hadn't realised and picked up her bag to move it straight away, he carried on being rude despite that it was clearly and accident and to be honest I was a bit upset that it was my first interaction with new neighbour, he didn't even introduce himself. Best of it was, he didn't need to go out.

A few weeks later, my husband was working later than he should have been on the house. Neighbour knocked on to ask him to be quiet. According to my husband, neighbour was really rude about it. Knowing my husband he was likely a bit rude back and not as reasonable as he made out.

Following that, we had an electrician round who parked his van with his wheels on the white line for next doors drive, not blocking the drive itself. He knocked and asked me to ask electrician to move. Fair enough. Again didn't actually go out though.

I took a parcel in for them not long after we moved in. He came round for it and we chatted for 20 mins or so. He told me that he'd fallen out with the couple who lived here for 30 odd years, and fallen out with their daughter who inherited it. Also told me that all the neighbours had been gossiping about the amount of work we were having done and asking him what was going on. Quite certain that's untrue on the basis that no one seems that bothered with what everyone else is up to. He also said that he was good friends with the boss of the electrician, and that if he parked in front of his drive again he'd be forced to tell him that he was picking up foreigners. In reality, the boss knew all about it and was coming to sign the work off as the lad was still an apprentice. The boss didn't even know the neighbour, said he knew of him but they certainly weren't on speaking terms.

One last incident where he asked my husband to get a car moved that was parked in front of his drive, apparently very rude again, but my husband told him it had nothing to do with us and he didn't know who it belonged to so he should 'wind his fucking neck in' not how I would have approached it but there you go.

The conversation i had with him led me to think he was just a bit of a busy body and full of his own self importance and someone I should pay no mind to, full of crap basically. Since then I've politely said hello to him, he blanks my husband.

Fast forward to today, husband comes home driving a much bigger works van than normal. Pulls up outside, wheels are on next doors white line (it overhangs the drive by several feet). He comes inside to get our car key to shift the car up so he can move the van, we're really cautious given how he is. Neighbour comes out of house and loses his shit, telling my husband he has no intention of moving the van, he's just lazy. Husband asks him what his problem is and why he's had a problem ever since we moved in, the very first day when he was rude to my Mum. Neighbour denies being rude and gets in an argument with me about whether he was or not, then said that my mum clearly didn't park there by accident and she was just too plain lazy to walk up the street. I told him he was absolutely wrong and if he knew my Mum he would realise that.

My Dad is retired and comes up to cut our grass and hedges every few weeks and neighbour said to husband " I'm not lazy like you, I don't get my parents to come and do my gardening" I told him that it was absolutely not his place to comment or pass judgement and he agreed that it wasn't.

I said we're not doing this because we are not the type of people who fall out with neighbours. We've never fallen out with a neighbour in our lives. He says that's not what he's heard. Obvious crap again as we moved from 200 miles away to the rented property, and only ever met our next door neighbours there and got on really well with them. He said he knew where we'd lived before, obviously as proof of his accusation, but I pointed out that it was me who told him that when he came to pick up his parcel.

Argument petered out when a visitor arrived for us, and because neighbour decided not to upset me as I'm six months pregnant.

Husband just wants to blank him forever. I want to approach him next time he's out in the garden and say that I don't like arguments hanging over us and want to clear the air. I specifically though want to pull him up on the fact that insulting us was completely unnecessary and completing untrue, and actually weakened the point he was trying to make. I want him to say sorry.

The whole thing today is so bizarre because actually, neither of the two of us have ever blocked his bloody drive and never would!

AIBU to want to chat with neighbour again and clear the air a bit? Husband says he's clearly an unreasonable man and it will only make it worse. I wouldn't want to do it with husband there as that would make it worse, but I'm all together calmer and more reasonable and would feel much better not leaving things as they are.

Sorry that's about ten times longer than I intended!

Talk softly and soothingly to him when he’s in your garden, and do slow blinks at him to indicate you want to make friends and are no threat. And as Holey suggests, treats are v helpful here!

I’m better with cats than people, so that’s my cat tempting advice. But feel free to try it on your arsey NDN too if you like!!

No advice on the neighbour but with regards to the cat - talk softly, long slow blinks, limit direct eye contact (that is threatening behaviour), put food out, try to ignore it until it comes to you.

I will not be able to handle a neighbour like this. I would strongly consider moving or keep a huge distance.

Thanks everyone. We never ever park on the line - even today my husband only had to shift the car up because he's had to swap his van for a bigger one for the day. It would annoy me if someone parked in front of my drive but I'd only knock if I actually had to move the car otherwise what's the point in potentially causing a row. Maybe I'm too soft.

We'll be getting a drive put in in due course and there'll be no room to park a car between our lines. He'll be happy then, it means no one parking anywhere near his line on our side.

Thanks for cat advice, I am planning on finding my way to his heart through his stomach but he ran away despite me rattling dreamies today. I'll have to play the long game with him :) just happy for his owner that he's ok.

All you will do is fuel his sense of his own importance I think. he would see it as you having to defer to him as he is clearly king. I'd be telling him to fuck off next time he he brings any shit to the door.

@headinhands husband can over react in certain situations - generally when he feels someone has been unnecessarily rude or unfair so isn't the best person to handle these situations. He's got strict instructions from me not to engage in conversation.

Other times is the most patient and kind man you could ever hope to meet. Strange eh.

Ask the cat's owner to stay in your kitchen with the back door open, you pop out onto the lawn with a bag of feline crack Dreamies. available in all supermarkets, Wilko etc. www.dreamiestreats.co.uk/our-products

Give him a couple while you carry out TuMeke's great advice, then when the cat's happy, edge slowly towards the back door, dropping a few dreamies to entice him, then pass the Dreamies to the cat's owner, she should be able to capture him. Expect him to return often until he realises you're not a new Dreamies dealer in his 'hood.

As for the neighbour, he's obviously obsessed with "his" white line spray paint it black so he implodes so remember to keep off it and he'll have no cause to moan.
Polite distance and don't engage is the best way for as close to harmony as you'll get in the long term, although it's not as much fun.

You’ve been very lucky with your neighbours up till now, I must say!

I can tell, by the way you still think a bit of polite conversation, a touch of common sense and general good will is going to ‘clear the air’ and set a positive tone for the future.

You are incorrect. Your run of luck is finished. Let me introduce you to Grumpy Neighbour. His life is disappointing to him. His job didn’t propel him to the heights of power he deserved. His wife thinks he’s a dick. Unless you can turn these things around for him, he’s not changing. Here is how he comforts himself, over his deep disappointments.

-he appoints himself ‘boss’ of the neighbourhood.
-he spends his life making the neighbourhood rules, gleaning info on everyone, and policing the rules he made. 24/7, this is what he does. Whatever else it looks like he’s doing (gardening, chatting briefly, etc) he is actually spying and policing.
-he has no interest whatsoever in a positive relationship with you, your kids, your visitors or your dog. None. Never will. Your happiness infuriates him.

Best thing you can do is cease communicating altogether. Anything you tell him he will use against you, so don’t tell him stuff. Anything he tells you will make you (as a nice person) exceedingly angry & stressed, so don’t hear him out.

Adopt a blank, pleasant expression whenever he’s in your line of vision. Act exactly as though he was speaking a totally foreign language. By all means open the door if he knocks, then look a bit blankly pleasant, nod, and gently close it again. Every time. Train your DH, your kid, your visitors and your dog to do the same. Don’t engage. Ever.

Let me save you some time. In the next few months, you will learn from all your other neighbours that this is the only way to go. Turn your attentions to those other people who live on your street. There’ll be some good’uns that you can befriend. Be aware, Grumpy Neighbour will HATE you making friends on his patch. His FOMO will be unbearable to him.

I promise you can live a fairly normal life beside people like him. But you have to give up your illusions first.

I’m 5’2” and in my 60s. I don’t pick fights with my neighbour’s though. 🙄

But your dh was on his white line for a short time whilst he came in to get the keys to move your other car up so that's not 'm ever ever' parking on it. This is what we get almost daily.. I'll only be a minute' or 'l didn't see the line' or 'there's nowhere else to park'.

that's not 'never ever' parking on it, l meant to say.

Another cat related note - forget dreamies, leave some canned tuna out for him. Not ideal for a long term diet but a highly effective lure in the short term.

@Humbug I get what you're saying, and I'm sorry you have those issues yourself every day. This certainly isnt every day here. He actually had the car key in his hand when the argument started, so really wasn't an empty excuse because he'd been caught out. If someone else had parked outside the house and hasn't left enough room for our car on the end, we park at the other end of the street If we have to, even if we'd only be slightly on his line and still a good two feet away from his drive. Because that's the right thing to do.

The fella drives an i10 not a artic. And still, today, he wasn't even going anywhere in the bleeding car.

The blokes a plank. We live next door to one of those. Who is also about 5'2 and in his mid sixties, strangely. He has no friends or family ever come to the house. The house is in pitch black apart from one tiny lamp in one room, every day. And he cuts half of the waist high hedges that border his property. As in, he cuts across the top, to halfway, and leaves the middle onwards on our sides uncut. It looks ridiculous.

Anyway the point I'm trying to make, is people like this have nothing better to do with their lives. Don't entertain. Pity.

Ours runs out and reprimands the people the other side if they park too close to his drive. Not on. Not obstructing. Just on the borderline. The eejit doesn't even own a car.

You've got one of those too. Obsessed with his empire, usually indicative of lack of control in his life so he over compensates with anything like this, however trivial.

Good luck with the little one!! X

Do not engage with him, he's an idiot. Do remember though that the white line marking has no legal standing it's function is merely advisory. It's unenforceable. Your husband was right to tell him to wind his neck in. I'd ignore him in future and make sure my wheels were not overhanging the stupid line. It's a public highway and so anyone can park there. It might be interesting to know what the other neighbours think of him...

And still, today, he wasn't even going anywhere in the bleeding car.

Whilst I completely agree with you that your neighbour's reactions are unpleasant and over the top, whether the neighbour needs access to the driveway at the point it is obstructed is besides the point. I had to go and have a conversation with a neighbour of mine who was coming home and parking partially over my driveway. She said 'but there's still space for your car to get through', but actually the combination of her having blocked the LH side of my driveway combined with lack of space to the RH side and a car parked opposite meant that it was pretty much impossible for me to get out of my driveway. I want to know that I can always get out of my driveway safely, at any time, for any reason and it's not up for my neighbours to judge when this might be.

There was no excuse, weather or otherwise, for your mum to park across his drive and I can see how he might have assumed that this was the start of how you and your visitors might continue to park.

Well.... I think the string of people parking on his access, the work going on “later than it should be” and the broad skinhead telling him to wind his f**king neck in haven’t laid the foundations for good relations tbh. None of it sounds particularly pleasant!

Perhaps some nice friendly chit chat whenever you him might help

A white line isn’t usual. Have you checked with highways that it is official and not something he has done himself?

A white line isn’t usual. Have you checked with highways that it is official and not something he has done himself?

I'm no expert on this by any means (I don't even drive) but my understanding is that when you get the council to install a dropped kerb they will often also offer to put in a white H marking for an additional fee to alert others to the fact that there is a dropped kerb which they should not be parking across.

Having said that, I think (subject to any local rules) it's not illegal to park on the markings as long as you're not actually over the point where the kerb drops. It might be worth checking with the local council though.

I would suggest checking with the council and if they can clarify that it's just the usual dropped kerb rules that govern legality, then I'd start parking over the edge of the white lines and let the neighbour know that the council have confirmed you're legally permitted to do this. But then I like to stand up to aggressive men and beat them at their own game

Re the cat.
Get a friend round who doesn't like cats.
Get friend to sit on chair in garden
Cat will immediately try to sit on friends lap

I checked out of curiosity and they are an 'advisory' road marking:
www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2016/362/schedule/11/made Diagram 1026.1

So I think generally they have no legal effect as long as the dropped kerb is clear, but worth checking with your local council in case they have any weird local regs etc. before parking on them.

Just don't park on his white line, even for a minute. That's what's causing the confrontation.

Ignore him and suggest to any future delivery men that they put his parcels in his bin as he likes them being put there.

He will never ever apologise and if he does he doesn't mean it. He likes to cause trouble for the sake of it and is clearly a curtain twitcher if he notices these things so quickly. He's a twat, plain and simple.

He's an arse.
I also have one of these pathetic people living next door. Extremely entitled and very vocal. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
Be glad your life is not as boring as their's!

I wouldn't try to "clear the air" with him but you should in passing mention that you are having a baby and babies cry. Unfortunately when your baby arrives and cries like babies do your arsehole neighbour will have another axe to grind.