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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbours and parking

77 replies

Emma765 · 29/08/2018 22:36

Looking for your opinions, AIBU to want to talk this through further with next door neighbour?

We bought our new house in December, and spent January working on it. It's a semi detached. Next door has a drive, we don't. We moved in end of Jan.

On the day we got the keys, my Mum came round. It was pitch black, chucking it down and she had only been here once before. She accidentally parked in front of next door's drive. She was here for 10 mins or so and he knocked on the door and was pretty rude about it. She apologised said she hadn't realised and picked up her bag to move it straight away, he carried on being rude despite that it was clearly and accident and to be honest I was a bit upset that it was my first interaction with new neighbour, he didn't even introduce himself. Best of it was, he didn't need to go out.

A few weeks later, my husband was working later than he should have been on the house. Neighbour knocked on to ask him to be quiet. According to my husband, neighbour was really rude about it. Knowing my husband he was likely a bit rude back and not as reasonable as he made out.

Following that, we had an electrician round who parked his van with his wheels on the white line for next doors drive, not blocking the drive itself. He knocked and asked me to ask electrician to move. Fair enough. Again didn't actually go out though.

I took a parcel in for them not long after we moved in. He came round for it and we chatted for 20 mins or so. He told me that he'd fallen out with the couple who lived here for 30 odd years, and fallen out with their daughter who inherited it. Also told me that all the neighbours had been gossiping about the amount of work we were having done and asking him what was going on. Quite certain that's untrue on the basis that no one seems that bothered with what everyone else is up to. He also said that he was good friends with the boss of the electrician, and that if he parked in front of his drive again he'd be forced to tell him that he was picking up foreigners. In reality, the boss knew all about it and was coming to sign the work off as the lad was still an apprentice. The boss didn't even know the neighbour, said he knew of him but they certainly weren't on speaking terms.

One last incident where he asked my husband to get a car moved that was parked in front of his drive, apparently very rude again, but my husband told him it had nothing to do with us and he didn't know who it belonged to so he should 'wind his fucking neck in' not how I would have approached it but there you go.

The conversation i had with him led me to think he was just a bit of a busy body and full of his own self importance and someone I should pay no mind to, full of crap basically. Since then I've politely said hello to him, he blanks my husband.

Fast forward to today, husband comes home driving a much bigger works van than normal. Pulls up outside, wheels are on next doors white line (it overhangs the drive by several feet). He comes inside to get our car key to shift the car up so he can move the van, we're really cautious given how he is. Neighbour comes out of house and loses his shit, telling my husband he has no intention of moving the van, he's just lazy. Husband asks him what his problem is and why he's had a problem ever since we moved in, the very first day when he was rude to my Mum. Neighbour denies being rude and gets in an argument with me about whether he was or not, then said that my mum clearly didn't park there by accident and she was just too plain lazy to walk up the street. I told him he was absolutely wrong and if he knew my Mum he would realise that.

My Dad is retired and comes up to cut our grass and hedges every few weeks and neighbour said to husband " I'm not lazy like you, I don't get my parents to come and do my gardening" I told him that it was absolutely not his place to comment or pass judgement and he agreed that it wasn't.

I said we're not doing this because we are not the type of people who fall out with neighbours. We've never fallen out with a neighbour in our lives. He says that's not what he's heard. Obvious crap again as we moved from 200 miles away to the rented property, and only ever met our next door neighbours there and got on really well with them. He said he knew where we'd lived before, obviously as proof of his accusation, but I pointed out that it was me who told him that when he came to pick up his parcel.

Argument petered out when a visitor arrived for us, and because neighbour decided not to upset me as I'm six months pregnant.

Husband just wants to blank him forever. I want to approach him next time he's out in the garden and say that I don't like arguments hanging over us and want to clear the air. I specifically though want to pull him up on the fact that insulting us was completely unnecessary and completing untrue, and actually weakened the point he was trying to make. I want him to say sorry.

The whole thing today is so bizarre because actually, neither of the two of us have ever blocked his bloody drive and never would!

AIBU to want to chat with neighbour again and clear the air a bit? Husband says he's clearly an unreasonable man and it will only make it worse. I wouldn't want to do it with husband there as that would make it worse, but I'm all together calmer and more reasonable and would feel much better not leaving things as they are.

Sorry that's about ten times longer than I intended!

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PirateWeasel · 30/08/2018 07:52

Do you have a party wall with this guy, or is he the neighbour on the other side? Just thinking that if he's in the other half of your semi he'll probably find something to kick off about when your baby arrives if he hears crying. He can eff off, but maybe be prepared for that just in case! Don't let him wind you up when you've got the stress of a newborn to worry about!

Whyohsky · 30/08/2018 07:57

You’ve repeatedly blocked his drive. He’s right to be annoyed.

Emma765 · 30/08/2018 08:19

@Whyohsky, if you read again, you'll see that his drive was blocked once. On 2nd occasion electricians car was still several feet away from the actual drive so no, not blocking him in but I asked him to stop what he was doing and move right away all the same because he shouldn't have parked on the line.

Third occasion was someone else.

I listed everything that's happened to not pretend that we're perfect, but in reality we're pretty considerate neighbours and would always take in parcels and help wherever needed. Take our bins in on time, don't have wild parties or create excessive noise, with the exception of course of the time my husband got carried away with the DIY.

I keep myself to myself and my husband chats to everyone and makes friends wherever he goes. This situation is completely unfamiliar to us.

We do share a party wall but the walls are pretty thick, I've never heard anything from that side and our bedroom is on the adjoining wall. Baby's bedroom won't be, but of course she'll be in with us for minimum six months.

To be fair whilst I'm calm and reasonable, I'm not afraid to stick up for myself and speak my mind where I see appropriate and I'm not intimidated by him. Spent much of my working life in jobs where I deal with angry people every day!

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babswindsor · 30/08/2018 08:26

The silly man is a self-important busybody with too much time on his hands and I agree with the others who say just ignore. Actually I don't think your husband's behaviour was over the top, men like your neighbour don't respond to anything else (personal experience here)

Congratulations on your baby:)

ChasedByBees · 30/08/2018 08:31

Don’t clear the air as you don’t actually want to anyway, you want him to apologise which is different. Clearing the air would be also apologising for parking on the white line and for the misunderstandings so far.

Emma765 · 30/08/2018 08:37

@chased he did receive an apology for the misunderstandings so far, as and when they happened. And again from me yesterday about the DIY incident which happened in January.

I wanted to draw a line but as I said up thread I'm just going to avoid where possible. He was unnecessarily unpleasant and will likely continue to be that way.

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/08/2018 08:44

DSIs had a neighbour like him. For years she placated him, kept the moral high ground. One day he shouted at DNephew, for playing in his own garden, middle of the day, shooting basket ball hoops, alone!

DSis (a teacher who never, ever swears or shouts) heard him, walked out and told NN that he was a nasty little man who needed to shut the fuck up and leave people alone to live their lives.

He never spoke to either of them again... neighbours reported he was shaken and told them she 'had a gob on her', but nothing else ever happened.

Just a thought. tell him to step off, it might work!

NotYourNoisyNeighbour · 30/08/2018 09:04

I don't think there's any reasoning with these kind of people. My "lovely" neighbours are also very anal about their drive's white line (& proudly told us they've fallen out with everyone who's lived in this house!). I think it's really petty and selfish to ask people to move from a line when the line extends further than the drive and the parked vehicle isn't blocking anything.

Anyway, if just leave him to it. He's never going to admit he's done anything wrong and any conversation will escalate.

Emma765 · 30/08/2018 09:06

@NotYour are you my next door but one neighbour 😂😂

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Clutterbugsmum · 30/08/2018 09:09

The thing is you can't argue with Stupid.

Nothing you do, polite conversation, baking cakes Etc will make a blind bit of difference as your neighbour has a chip on his shoulder a mile wide and nothing will change that.

The best you can do is just carry on your day to day life as normal and ignore him. Do not take in his parcels, act like he doesn't exist. But don't go out of your way and be a noisy neighbour.

ziggiestardust · 30/08/2018 09:10

OP I know it feels a bit rubbish but you’re going to have to accept that you’re not going to have a nice relationship with your neighbours. You sound really reasonable and you’ve pointed out where he could have perceived you were in the wrong, so it’s not like you’ve not seen it from both sides!

I know it’s a shame, but you can’t win them all.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/08/2018 09:13

He sounds horrendous. I wouldn't interact anymore with him now. Make sure you or your workmen park nowhere near his drive and just cut him out. I guess though he will find something else to be angry at because he sounds like that sort of man.

Personally I'd be considering putting the house up for sake as drastic as it sounds as I think he's always going to be a bastard.

MorseandLewis · 30/08/2018 09:13

I'm no expert on this by any means (I don't even drive) but my understanding is that when you get the council to install a dropped kerb they will often also offer to put in a white H marking for an additional fee to alert others to the fact that there is a dropped kerb which they should not be parking across.

never, ever seen one

AllyMcBeagle · 30/08/2018 09:20

never, ever seen one

I don't think they're very common but they are a thing - see eg www.blackpool.gov.uk/Residents/Parking-roads-and-transport/Traffic-management/Request-a-dropped-kerb-or-H-marking.aspx

Emma765 · 30/08/2018 09:21

All the drives on the road have an h box, something to do with the fact there used to be a nursery here and they paint them when there's offices or a school etc in the street, presumably as it's more likely someone will park over the drive.

Nursery is now a terrace of houses so unsure if we'll get a line when we get our drive dug in!

Thank you everyone for your input 😊

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5000KallaxHoles · 30/08/2018 09:30

From living next to someone like this - just ignore totally and don't engage.

Ours started of by complaining about DIY... at 10am (and it was putting a picture up so hardly hours of banging) and demanding that we didn't ever do any noisy work till midday so his kid could have a lie in (kid is late 20s). Stupidly we gave into that one for a while... until he started having building work done at 8am starts for weeks on end without even a "oh yeah I'm having the roof done, just so you know and don't get a shock when the scaffolders show up" to us.

Then we had the parking complaints if my car went a millimetre along the road toward being "in front" of his house (on street parking) and it's just gone on and on and on. Basically before we moved in the house was empty for years and years and he got into the routine of ruling the roost, having oodles of space to park his car and he resents the fact that other people apart from him and the buddies next door to him dare to live in the street. Since we've been here nearly 10 years now - he still seems to be struggling to get the memo that we ain't going anywhere too.

So these days I just ignore him, don't fret about noise or being a "good" neighbour to him since he has mega late garden parties every bloody weekend to the point we had to move our kids into the bedroom at the front of the house as the drunk idiots blaring music and playing vuvzelas at 1am was getting ridiculous... and I park my car as close to the boundary as I can without straying anywhere near "his" bit of road.

Life's got a lot better since I stopped worrying about pleasing his miserable face - because whatever we did to try to keep him happy just spurred him on in his ridiculousness. He's currently frothing because we had builders in for 2 days this week, who started at the ungodly hour of 9.30am, parked in front of our house and the other neighbour's (prearranged with him) and caused him absolutely no hardship or inconvenience whatsoever... but we dared to have something done to our house and that is Simply Not On.

Fairylea · 30/08/2018 09:42

Is his drive obviously a drive? Playing devils advocate I can’t understand why your mum initially parked across it if it is - which seems to have sparked the whole thing off.

We have a drive and it is so annoying when people park right over the edge of it, they think they leave enough room for us to get out and think that’s okay but it’s so tight to get out and if someone did the same on the other side it would make it near impossible!

He shouldn’t be so aggressive and rude but it sounds like he’s had years of this sort of thing and it’s just making him a bit crazy!

Heatherjayne1972 · 30/08/2018 09:47

I say ignore him.
But beware op that in a while he will start complaining about your baby crying
You may Well have to grow a very thick skin especially if he’s the sort to complain to the authorities ( he won’t get anywhere mind).

Emma765 · 30/08/2018 09:47

@5000 He was strange about the work we were getting done, almost like a jealousy or bitterness came across. Not sure if it's because we're a young(ish) couple and he resented that we could afford the same house as him and to do work on it. Also it's the same layout as his and we knocked through a few rooms and changed the layout upstairs and downstairs to have a kitchen diner and bigger bathroom, maybe he took that as a personal slight. Who knows! He knew exactly what we were having done downstairs, been looking through the windows!

Apart from this situation, can't complain about them as a neighbours really. They're quiet as mice, garden is immaculate (they both spend probably 4 hours a day out there). Although they're always out in the garden it's never making noise.

Only other gripe of mine is that when they go to their bin, they look through our back window. And literally go to their bin 20 times a day, no exaggeration. I'm assuming they don't have a kitchen bin, and they're also backwards and forwards to garden bin. I've been nagging husband to put a higher fence up to sort that, I want to be able to feed my baby on the sofa without being stared at! I'm off work with spd at the moment and resent the audience when I'm eating my breakfast, so tend to close the curtains. They have a conservatory nearly up to our boundary and at the moment the fence is 4ft tall max and just wire, so anticipating him taking issue with a higher solid fence as it will block out some of the light to his conservatory but at the moment we have no privacy in our living room unless we close the curtains, their conservatory at least has frosted glass!

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Emma765 · 30/08/2018 09:55

@Fairylea yeah it is obviously a drive and was a silly but innocent mistake made by Mum. It was pitch black, no street light and absolutely wanging it down, and she'd been looking at the houses trying to find mine as she'd only visited once before in daylight a few months earlier. I can see why he was mad but it was so obvious as soon as he came to the door that it was a mistake and he carried on being rude. After yesterday's conversation I'm inclined to think he didn't mean to be that rude that's just his way, doesn't make it ok though!

It's just so far away from how I would have approached it - a cheery hello did you know you're in front of my drive and only getting in a grump if the person was then unreasonable.

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Clutterbugsmum · 30/08/2018 10:12

I didn't think you are allowed glass over looking your neighbour when building a conservatory. I thought it needed to be solid. When my mum had her conservatories build (2 different houses) she had to have solid for health and safety.

You may want to check with the building/planning department, which you will need to check if you have a taller fence put in.

harriethoyle · 30/08/2018 10:18

I have VERY similar neighbours to this OP - kicked off when I put a new fence in my front garden because they thought it should have been 4 foot and I went for a 6 foot trellis. I put a gate in at the back because they were constantly looking through my kitchen window and he threatened to burn it down, whilst she screamed about the gate being indicative of my poor mental health...!

Absolutely agree with PP who say don't engage, there's no reasoning with the unreasonable. I intend to sell in a couple of years and don't want a formal neighbour dispute so didn't report his threats to the police (although very tempted) and grey rock just means I don't have to deal with them at all. Check local regs for how high you can make your fence at the back - round here, it's 2 metres without planning permission. Because you KNOW he will report you to the council if you are a millimetre too high!

GOOD LUCK.

Joe66 · 30/08/2018 10:20

Pleased we don't have you as a neighbour to be honest.

5000KallaxHoles · 30/08/2018 10:24

Ours is also just a gruff miserable bastard by his general personality. He also likes to play topless darts in his garden which is, let's put it politely, a sight that makes you want to draw the curtains early in the evening.

Emma765 · 30/08/2018 10:25

@Clutter it's totally frosted so imagine that's got them covered. There's a gap of maybe 4 foot between conservatory and boundary and that's where they keep all their bins.

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