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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

(Its NOT a baby shower!) AIBU to have a Bump Party at 36+4

68 replies

ThatFridayFeeling · 29/08/2018 09:29

This is my first pregnancy! DH and I are planning a little 'Bump Party' celebration with our friends, which is basically the games and silliness of a baby shower in a pub, both sexes and guests have been told there is no expectation of gifts (before everyone bundles in with "grabby" comments). Just one last hurrah and a nice afternoon with mates.

Due to venue issues, I'm possibly going to have to rearrange it for when I will be 36+4 weeks. I'd originally planned it for 34+4 but the venue just told me they have to cancel my reservation. I have the option of another venue keeping the original date but less keen on that one.

My question is AIBU to hold it so close to my due date? I don't want it to turn into a literal "baby shower"!

OP posts:

Thehop · 29/08/2018 09:30

That sounds lovely! I hate baby showers but a party with friends sounds ace!

Sonders · 29/08/2018 09:31

If it looks like a duck...

Have your non-shower-shower whenever you like, your guests are probably going to bring presents either way :)

Shitonthebloodything · 29/08/2018 09:38

I'd lose half my guests if I changed a date as we all have to book each other months in advance so I'd say keep date and change the venue.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 29/08/2018 09:41

If it looks like a duck...

Uhuh!

LaurieMarlow · 29/08/2018 09:41

If it looks like a duck

This.

If you really want to avoid the negative connotations of a baby shower, then I'd be very firm with the no gifts message. Not just 'no expectation' of a gift but 'I'd prefer if you didn't bring a gift because x,y,z'

TwitterQueen1 · 29/08/2018 09:43

You can call it whatever you like but of course it's a baby shower and of course people will bring gifts.

LeftRightCentre · 29/08/2018 09:43

Oh, gawd, silly baby games. It's a baby shower by another name. Bump party? WTf?

MrTumblesSpottyHag · 29/08/2018 09:47

Are you going to have to eat baby food from a nappy? In which case yabvvvvvvvvu.

FlyingElbows · 29/08/2018 09:49

Lol, I didn't think you could make a baby shower any worse until I read "Bump Party"! Op I am cringing for your "we're the first people in the whole world to ever have a baby"-ness. Bless. Don't worry too much about your due date, 36+4 will be fine. Have fun.

Twotailed · 29/08/2018 09:50

If people want to bring gifts they can - why are you all acting like OP has to basically strip search people to prevent this?! I was invited to a baby shower which said ‘please - no need to bring presents. We just want to catch up before the baby is born!’ and I brought a gift anyway because I like my friends and feel joyful when celebrating a happy occasion like a new baby. If others felt differently that’s fine too - it’s their choice! But to bring a present when advised it isn’t needed and STILL feel resentful about it is just nuts IMO.

OP is there another venue option? You might feel more relaxed if it was a little less close to D Day!

EmmaJR1 · 29/08/2018 09:52

Only about 4% of babies come on the due date, nearly all are late. If you feel fit enough do it. I'm guessing you aren't going to table dance or limbo so have fun!

LaurieMarlow · 29/08/2018 09:53

Op I am cringing for your "we're the first people in the whole world to ever have a baby"-ness.

That's a bit unfair. I don't think it's unreasonable for the OP to want a small celebration and 'last hurrah'.

It's the grabbiness that upsets people about showers. The main thing is to take steps to avoid that impression.

Twotailed · 29/08/2018 09:54

Op I am cringing for your "we're the first people in the whole world to ever have a baby"-ness. Bless.

As for this, it’s just patronising and nasty.

People have weddings despite not being the first people ever to get married, and they have funerals despite not being the first person ever to die, and they have 70th birthday parties despite the many years that have come before. Humans celebrate things - it’s in our nature and it’s what makes life joyful and bearable, it’s what brings us together in good times and awful times.

I would MUCH rather be friends with the person brimming over with excitement and throwing a happy party with friends than with the pursed-lip sourpuss condescendingly telling them that they’re being OTT and ridiculous because there’s nothing special about a baby.

meditrina · 29/08/2018 09:55

It's not a shower ('shower with gifts' unless it's labelled a shower,

And it's not compulsory to have games at a shower, the party bit could be anything the honouree wouid enjoy.

Making it clear it's not a shower and using a different term for it is an excellent idea if you want to host your own and have no gifts.

I'd keep the date and change the venue if at all possible.

Bluebolt · 29/08/2018 09:59

I do not really have a problem when I have been invited to a baby shower each to their own, but this would read to me as a baby shower. If this is what you want own it and do not try to disguise it. I always take gift/cash even if the invite says don’t and judging by the gifts there everyone else ignore the do not bring gifts.

Original poster

ThatFridayFeeling · 29/08/2018 10:00

LOL! Thank you Mumsnetters! I knew there would be comments about whether posters approved or not about the Bump Party/gift giving and you haven't let me down! But I was actually asking about whether 36+4 was too close for comfort.

As for the eating stuff out of a nappy - that...is... DISGUSTING!!! I honestly don't know what will be happening as I was asked by others if they could have one for me so they are organising the actual party bit - I really bloody hope that's not in plan! I decided the venue, guest list and the no gift proviso.

OP posts:

Bluebolt · 29/08/2018 10:05

The thread title does read that you are having a bump party and NOT a shower. As showers are negative and a bump party more appropriate, hence the comments on baby showers.

petitdonkey · 29/08/2018 10:10

Have your party! You can't predict in any way whether baby will be here then so plan it anyway and there is always a chance he/she will be with you!
I had DS at 36 on the dot then DD at 39+5 and DD2 at 39+6! With all three I could have happily attended a party the following day (and did have a houseful). There are many women who wouldnt have even contemplated that and would want/need time to recover and be quiet at home - my point is simply that you can't possibly predict where you will be at so I would just storm ahead with the plans and cancel if need be.

Good luck!!

TheVanguardSix · 29/08/2018 10:13

Enjoy your ‘Artist Formerly Known As Baby Shower’ Bump Party.

BuntyII · 29/08/2018 10:16

Why couldn't you have it at 36 weeks You have to keep living your life up until you have the baby, confinement is a thing of the past. The day before I went in my DS I had to take my car in for MOT. Life doesn't stop because you're 8 months pregnant.

Condragulations · 29/08/2018 10:17

I did this! It was a “Goodbye pregnancy party” and great fun. We did games like guess the celebrity from their baby picture, linking up party guests and their baby pictures... I said strictly NO gifts as it’s grabby/tacky and I had had a previous loss and felt too uneasy about having loads of baby things to return.

Also I’m always so confused if I’ve given a gift at a baby shower am I still meant to give a gift at the birth? No one brought gifts and it was wonderful.

I had another for my second baby but that pregnancy had a VERY abrupt ending and he was actually a guest at the party at 4 days old it was a lovely opportunity for everyone to say hello.

NordicNobody · 29/08/2018 10:17

We had the same, but we did call it a baby shower. All mine and dps friends of both sexes in a nice pub, we put on loads of food, some people bought gifts, some didn't, nobody was asked to but we were stone broke at the time (unplanned pregnancy) and very grateful to those who did! We were also moving abroad quite soon and dp and his friends had all just graduated, so it was also a bit of a going away party. There were a few cringey games but everyone seemed to enjoy them. Overall it was a fun relaxed day. I know MN hates baby showers but in real life I don't know anyone who's bothered by them, or who's bothered by giving a gift, and those who are simply don't go or don't bring a gift and the hosts don't get wound up about it. I've only ever heard on MN of people hosting expensive afternoon teas and throwing strops when people don't bring gifts.

Stuckforthefourthtime · 29/08/2018 10:17

If you play the games then it's a shower. It's nice
of you to try not to be grabby but 'bump party' is a bit twee and very clearly about you being pregnant. It's like someone inviting you to a party on their birthday, with a cake, and calling it 'another year older party'. It is what it is.

Personally I don't mind baby showers, MN seems to dislike them, but I love buying baby gifts, have been to more fun showers than fun hen nights and they're much cheaper! But either be frank that it is a baby party but please NO gifts (if you say no expectation people will still bring). Or if not, then just make it a casual meal at home or out, kill the games and then it's truly a catch-up with friends

Gersemi · 29/08/2018 10:19

I'd have thought 36+4 is OK, but you'll obviously have to review how you feel and what the midwives are telling you nearer the time.

LaurieMarlow · 29/08/2018 10:32

36 weeks would have been fine for me. But there's really no predicting how you'll feel towards the end.

However it's not actually term and you're unlikely to have had the baby, so I'd go with it.

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