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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not tell anyone when I'm in labour?

108 replies

lisloom · 29/08/2018 07:49

When you went in to labour, who did you tell?

Part of me just doesn't want to tell anyone until after baby is born. My family are full on. I don't want a circus...

OP posts:
SisyphusHadItEasy · 29/08/2018 07:51

You might want to let your DP know Grin

sulflower · 29/08/2018 07:52

I didn't tell anyone until after my daughter was born. Obviously my husband was there.

Original poster
lisloom · 29/08/2018 07:53

@SisyphusHadItEasy Grin I'll think about it!

OP posts:
toomuchfaster · 29/08/2018 07:53

Only DH, everyone else got told once DD was born

Original poster
lisloom · 29/08/2018 07:53

Of course I'll be telling DP 🤣

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 29/08/2018 07:53

I think that’s a good idea then you won’t have people bugging you. Also on the other side of it I was really anxious when my sister was in labour, sat watching the phone hoping all was ok so sometimes it’s better not to know

Littlebluebird123 · 29/08/2018 07:53

It's your choice.

My labours are so quick I didn't have time to tell anyone (except dh who drove and MIL who had the kids).

Sometimes it's helpful for other people to know to provide support but otherwise knowing you're in labour doesn't make a difference really, and you can concentrate on the job in hand rather than fielding the drama from family. :)

zippey · 29/08/2018 07:54

You’ll have to tell him not to tell anyone too.

Aozora13 · 29/08/2018 07:56

Didn’t even occur to me to tell anyone! Apart from DH of course Wink. We messaged some people once DD was safely here and I was stitched up and hosed down, the rest when we were home the following day.

LittleLionMansMummy · 29/08/2018 07:57

The plan with my first was not to tell anyone. When I got to the hospital I wanted dh to call my parents and let them know, so he did. A bit different with my second as we needed ds looking after, so told dsis. It was also a lot quicker. Yanbu to do whatever you want op!

JynxaSmoochum · 29/08/2018 08:03

First time I had a long slow labour building up over a weekend. By about 24 hours of regular contractions and approaching the time to be admitted to labour ward, family were making routine phone calls and it was pretty hard to cover up that something was happening by that stage. They had a long night and morning worrying about an absence of news before baby finally arrived after a long, difficult birth.

Second time only the friends looking after DS knew. It was a short night time labour in the week and it was much nicer being able to announce that baby had arrived without family worrying beforehand.

Cath2907 · 29/08/2018 08:05

I didn't even tell DH when it started. I made him take me to the cinema to see a film I had been waiting for as I realised I'd not be able to go the following evening. As it was I sat through the thing timing my contractions and not enjoying it!

We rang everyone the next morning once baby was safely arrived. I assumed that was normal? What use would it have been to have everyone worrying all night?

Beechview · 29/08/2018 08:06

We didn't tell anyone either with dc2. It was better that way.

Bojangles33 · 29/08/2018 08:08

I didn't tell anyone. I'd discussed with my mum and she had said to tell her when I went to the hospital but then my waters broke without warning and were full of meconium so I went to hospital to get checked out without telling her as I wasnt sure what would happen... things progressed very quickly from there so didn't really get chance to tell her I'd gone in. Ended up having an EMCS and she was so relieved to have not known what was happening! She just got the call to say I had a baby and everything was fine and was very happy to not have been worrying for hours!

RayRayBidet · 29/08/2018 08:09

We told our parents, but his lived abroad and mine were 1.5 hours away and 2nd time round had dd1 in anticipation of an induction which I managed to get out of. They were trying to induce me but I delayed a bit and labour started.
Tell who you want.
Why would they all turn up?
Baffling!

Nomad86 · 29/08/2018 08:10

Just DH. Why worry everyone? My DM said it was much better finding out once everything was ok.

Koalablue · 29/08/2018 08:10

My dh obviously.
Also my parents because we were staying with them and my dad drove us to the hospital.
Baby born at midnight but didnt tell anyone till the next morning. My mil argues that baby was born at 8.30am when dh wrung the family and i havnt the heart to put her straight.

Anotherdayanotherdollar · 29/08/2018 08:15

If you need someone to look after kids/pets, or if you need a lift to hospital tell the relevant parties but otherwise why would you tell anyone? Will the information benefit them?

Original poster
lisloom · 29/08/2018 08:16

@Anotherdayanotherdollar no idea but judging by how many of my friends have text me in the past few years to let me know they're in labour, lot of people seem to tell the whole world!

OP posts:
Rybbonsyster · 29/08/2018 08:17

I wish we could have not told anyone but but wasn't possible. We had to tell PIL once I was at hospital otherwise they would have found out. They told the whole world and then DP's very full on sister kept calling throughout the entire very long labour wanting updates. Why she couldn't just text and wait like a normal person is beyond me Hmm.

We will have to tell PIL with our next one as they're the only family close enough to look after Dd althoughTbh I'm pretty tempted to go to hospital alone and leave DP at home with Dd and then not tell anyone until 6 months after the birth.......

LoniceraJaponica · 29/08/2018 08:19

Unless you need childcare why would you? I was on the phone to a workmates when my waters went with a pop so obviously she knew, but I didn't tell anyone else.

peanut2017 · 29/08/2018 08:21

Only Dh - you never get that time again just the three of you. It's special. You don't need constant texts or checking in by family to see how you are getting on

DoYouLikeHueyLewisandTheNews · 29/08/2018 08:23

Apart from H the only person we told was my mum and that was only because she took care of our dog. Told the in laws as soon as we could after baby was born and despite being on holiday they still managed to notify all of their side of the family including H's three siblings before he got a chance to tell them himself, as he said he would. I would do the same for our next baby.

AGirlinLondon · 29/08/2018 08:30

OP are you me in disguise? I’m telling no one but my OH. I’ve had to break it to my entire immediate family that they can’t come to the birth. They are furious and have said ‘you can’t stop us’. I’m almost at the point of having to change hospital. I’ve been getting good tips from another friend of mine who also has insane parents - the whole way through her labour her other half was texting her parents pretending they were at IKEA/out for dinner!!

53rdWay · 29/08/2018 08:30

I wasn’t going to, but by the time I went into labour several particular relatives were already texting me several times a day with “any news yet? any sign????”, so when I didn’t reply for hours they all assumed I was in labour anyway. Eventually DH sent a quick message from hospital to say yes all right we’re here, all’s fine so far and we’ll be in touch when there’s news. Once the baby arrived after a long labour and we were up on the postnatal ward I turned my phone back on to let people know, and had a backlog of about two dozen messages saying “haven’t heard anything in four hours, is everything okay????? getting worried now!”

Next baby I’m not even going to tell them I’m pregnant.

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