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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not tell anyone when I'm in labour?

108 replies

lisloom · 29/08/2018 07:49

When you went in to labour, who did you tell?

Part of me just doesn't want to tell anyone until after baby is born. My family are full on. I don't want a circus...

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 29/08/2018 08:35

Having a baby isn't a spectator sport. I'm pretty sure the hospital staff can prevent unwanted visitors from coming in while you are in labour.

Dishwashersaurous · 29/08/2018 08:36

Why would you tell anyone?

No one has ever told me that they are in labour, and I know a lot of babies

MrsBartlettforthewin · 29/08/2018 08:36

With all three, other than DH, no one knew until after the event.

BestBeforeYesterday · 29/08/2018 08:38

With DC1 I told most of my family and close friends because I was induced after having spent two weeks in hospital, and people kept asking how I was. With DC2 the only one I told was my mum, because she was providing childcare for DC1.
i wouldn't tell anyone if I were you!

ILoveDolly · 29/08/2018 08:39

I think its best not to tell, especially if you are worried they'll bombard you. It's your private time, they only need to know the outcome.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 29/08/2018 08:41

Older kids were away with grandparents when DC2 and 3 were born so obviously people were expecting news soon but no one knew and no one bothered me about it either. I may have done a good line of making it clear that nagging about when is baby getting here would not be tolerated.

Magpiefeather · 29/08/2018 08:46

I had a couple of friends who expected and even demanded to be told when I went into labour.... I just nodded and smiled and internally thought “no flipping way”. Just told everyone when dd was born. Did not want to be a worrying about other people and whether I’d told the right group of people in the throes of labour. It’s up to you!

FoxFoxSierra · 29/08/2018 08:54

We didn't tell anyone, I thought we would probably text when we went to hospital but my labours were fast and in the middle of the night so we called in the morning to tell them baby was here. I'm glad now, I would have hated knowing that people were waiting for news and if I had had long labours I would have felt that we were on the clock keeping people waiting

FoxFoxSierra · 29/08/2018 08:56

Ps no one cares that they hadn't known I was in labour, they were far too excited about the baby when they got the call that they had been born

SoyDora · 29/08/2018 08:58

We didn’t tell anyone with number 1. I think one friend guessed but she was good enough to keep it quiet.
Had to tell my mum with number 2 as needed childcare for number 1. Didn’t tell anyone else.
Now pregnant with DC3, again I won’t be telling anyone except the person providing childcare for the other 2.

elliejjtiny · 29/08/2018 09:15

With dc1 we told everyone we knew because we were excited Blush.
With dc2 we told pil because they were looking after dc1 and my parents because I was worried about not being fair.
Dc3 onwards loads of people knew because pil picked the older dc up from school.

If I ever had another one (never going to happen) then I would just tell pil, dh and the dc. After my youngest was born I was in hdu and felt so ill. I felt obliged to phone people to say he was here because they knew I was being induced but I could have done without the pressure to be honest.

Babdoc · 29/08/2018 09:24

We just told MIL, as she needed to arrange a train to travel 250 miles to come and stay with us for a week, as she’d offered to help with the chores and baby.
She was a great help and did this for all ten of her grandkids’ arrivals, all over England and Scotland. Our neighbours knew too, as they saw us leaving in the car for the labour suite.
I’m glad it was in the days before Facebook and mobile phones - it must be a nightmare for modern mums!

Heatherjayne1972 · 29/08/2018 09:27

Oh yeah op. Don’t tell anyone
In fact wait until you’re home and settled and ready for visitors
That’s what curtains and locks on doors are for

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 29/08/2018 09:28

My husband, my parents and my in laws. Why would you tell anyone else? Oh actually with one I had to tell my neighbour, baby wasn't waiting and my mum wouldn't have been there in time to get the others, so my neighbour had them flung through her door at high speed because I'd gone from nothing to advanced Labour very quickly 😂

Labmum · 29/08/2018 09:34

I didn't want anyone knowing I was in labour either, my parents had actually come down for the day (from 2 hours away) to help me tidy the garden whilst I was in early labour with contractions 10 mins apart. I didn't let on as I didn't want them knowing/fretting. They left at 7pm, I went to hospital at midnight, DS born at 4am. They got a huge shock when DH rang them the next morning telling them they'd have to come back down again to meet their grandson.

Only person we told was a friend who we asked to call in to walk and feed the dog.

divadee · 29/08/2018 09:35

I obviously told my partner but the only other person we told was our eldest daughter who wanted to be at the home birth so her boyfriend dropped her round. It was nice to tell people afterwards.

LoniceraJaponica · 29/08/2018 09:40

"My husband, my parents and my in laws. Why would you tell anyone else? "

Why would you even tell parents and in laws? Not one member of either of our families knew I was in labour. The first they knew about DD was when OH rang them to say that she had been born. (Back in the days when mobile phones were in their infancy).

SoyDora · 29/08/2018 09:42

No, I didn’t tell parents or in laws either with DC1. Didn’t see the need. They’d only be fretting and it would feel like extra pressure.

Loulabelle25 · 29/08/2018 10:15

I could have written this post - this is something that’s been on my mind in the last few days as I’m due in just over a week.

I love my family dearly, and they are ridiculously excited for the arrival of the first grandchild in the family, but I’m contemplating not telling them I’m in labour. They will just stress knowing I’m labour but I’m not prepare to keep them constantly updated as I just want to be able to concentrate on the job at hand without about my mum stressing. She doesn’t live locally and that compounds her intensity levels! My husband works with his dad so my PIL may have to know depending on when labour kicks in. My mum said already asked my MIL to contact her if I’m in labour as she’s worried - she’s knows me too well - that I won’t tell her! Hmm

I just don’t really want the stress of worrying about my family. I just want to put all my focus on getting my baby here safely.

Bluelady · 29/08/2018 10:20

We told nobody, they were informed after the birth. Why on earth would you?

Cindersdonegood · 29/08/2018 10:22

Ha ha ha! I was Facebooking my contractions and journey to the hospital!

It was a very sweary newsfeed that day.

But whatever you want is up to you. No matter who you tell, the only ones allowed to visit the hospital are those you allow. So if I'm laws turn up for example, they can't come in if you don't want them to. Keep it quiet or shout it from the rooftops if you like. It's your choice entirely.

Eemamc · 29/08/2018 12:27

We’d discussed it (DH and I) and agreed it was a private special family time for us. Family were informed that DH would let them know when I was in labour, and that they’d hear from us again when Baby was here. Also, that we would probably want some time alone with the baby before we had visitors. When I went into labour I laboured at home for most of the day. DH texted family when we went to the hospital. DD was born at about 10am the next morning. I think DH texted family again at about 11 to say we were all safe and well. We’d also asked that nothing be shared on social media prior to the birth. At about 2pm we sent out our first picture and shared the name (family only) we were discharged that night. We had the next day at home entirely to ourselves and then family came to visit the day after. We shared name and pic with close friends and then shared on social media about a week after. It’s such a special time. You are totally entitled to have time just to yourselves at the start. It needn’t be a circus. There’s time enough for them to see little one. Remember you’ll still be recovering from the birth too, and trying to get the hang of bf if that’s your choice. You totally can be a bit selfish if you want. Your baby your rules. Also all visitors had to bring food or something useful! You and DH will be too tired to entertain!

Twotailed · 29/08/2018 12:29

I’m not going to tell anyone! My DM lives less than an hour away and would be there in a heartbeat, asking every five minutes to be allowed in the room (which I would hate!).

Even though my family are great and I love them all I won’t be giving them the choice to turn up until I’m good and ready...

Inertia · 29/08/2018 12:34

Dc1 only DH, everyone else was told once baby had arrived.

DC2 Mil knew as she was looking after DC1.

Why would you tell everyone when you’re in labour? It can go on for days!

Shampooeeee · 29/08/2018 12:38

We told the dog sitter and DH’s boss. No need for anyone else to know.
You should be prepared to tell a few fibs though. DS was almost a week late and I was getting twice daily messages from some family members. Some of these came while I was in very early labour. I didn’t want to be completely silent all day, or they would know, so I made something up.

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