A mother working away?

[Berliner2018]

Just that really. Kids 10,12,13. The job is in Berlin, so basically commute from London to Berlin 4 days a week. I've only read threads about fathers working away, any mothers done this?

No, their vaginas keep them rooted at home.

I work away from home intermittently but not for extended periods. DC are very used either me or DH being off on short work trips and therefore equally used to it being me or DH that is at home with them.

You haven't explained who will cook and clean and care for the children while she is gone? I assume she will hire a live in nanny so her husband doesn't have to do everything for her and she can batch cook at the weekends.

Would you commute daily, or stay for 4 days? What would the travel time be? And there is no reason not to, if it's what you want.

It is more unusual certainly, because women generally are the primary caregivers and take a step back from work post chikdren because they want to / because society / because patriarchy / because they give birth and take ML / because their husbands earn more.

If you want to, go for it! Like you say many men work away weekly.

Garethsouthgatesmrs why on earth should the OP have to hire a nanny and batch cook for her DP if she has one?

Why do you presume s/he to be incapable of looking after the house and children and cooking their meals?

Do you have a good support network, as in would their dad be able to do the emotional load, school stuff, homework etc.

If so then go for it, I know I would and I'm a sahm, not career driven at all.
You only live once .... and all that.

If he isn't already doing this stuff your dc will need him to step up as you will create a void, that he needs to fill. imo
Teen years are tough, they need support and a lot of parental input.

It's not fair that a woman is expected to do this btw, the father is equally responsible for this. I'm all in favour of making things better for working parents as long as it doesn't affect the business.

Bottom line, the kids need parenting.

MrsChollySawcutt I was joking. Of course it's as fine for her as it would be for any man. It's just the way the OP makes her gender relevant when really it shouldn't be that made me feel sarcasm was needed.

@MrsCholly I think you may have missed the tongue firmly in cheek.

would their dad be able to do the emotional load, school stuff, homework etc.

Does anyone ever ask this of mothers when their husbands go away for work (answer = no, they're too busy gushing over what an uh-MAY-zing dad he is and how lucky his wife is)?

@garethsouthgatesmrs. Are you actually serious? Are you still in the 1950's
I'm going to assume that her dp had an equal hand in producing these children so therefore as an equal ability to care for these children, A nanny!?! Batch cooking!?! WHAT!!!

What's the problem? It's a very tiring commute obviously. I work away from home regularly, on average 2 days a week, occasionally 3-4 days. DH is perfectly capable of looking after the kids.

Sorry, I too presumed you were a woman

I'm advising/ advised my dc to get well established in their jobs/careers before they have dc. The first seemed to have achieved this.
It's far better for the woman to have achieved a decent level, one where they won't want many more promotions, then both parents can cut back having achieved the level they are happy with.

Garethsouthgatesmrs nope if that was sarcasm I certainly didn't see it and looks like I'm not the only one!

Glad we agree though

I have a friend who works away (European capital) alternate weeks. She lives in the sans town as her ex (father of her 3 primary school dc, and 30 mins drive from her parents. She has always been very career driven, and it was her ex that always did the bulk of the childcare anyway. The only time she’s had trouble was when she landed overseas to receive a text from her dc’s school saying it was closed due to snow. Which it remained for 4 days, and she was snowbound overseas. She has a huge network of friends/parents of her dc’s friends who she relies on.

Her dc are happy about her not always being around, but the practicalities sometimes seem chaotic.

Gun ? I don't get you.

The kids need this from somewhere, surely?
It's the first question that should be asked of both parents in this situation

Well I'd be looking up commuting every day - costs and time actually seeing anyone, sleep etc vs hiring accommodation in Berlin for half a week. I think that commute would get too much pretty quick

Romany you would never see, IRL or on MN, if a man said "I work away most weeks for a few days" , the reply being "does your wife have the ability to do the emotional stuff, school work, homework etc?". It's just assumed that she will but dads are treated like feckless eejits who need reminded to cook/help kids with homework/not have a nervous breakdown

MrsChollySawcutt it's sad that people really do still think like that in 2018 but the fact that you didn't know I was joking shows we are not there yet with the feminism thing.

I could see Gareths post was sarcastic. Maybe I've been on MN too long

Just do what men do pack your bag go, all issues at home are dealt with by the other parent. I don't go away for work often but I have never come back to blue lifts outside. I imagine more that a few McDonald’s are consumed but I get a take away every week in the night my husband works away. Nobody died

Blue lights

How close to the airport are you? I think it might be doable if you have no luggage and are close enough to the airport. Alternatively, Could you go early Monday and then come home Tuesday evening back early on Wednesday returning at a reasonable hour on Thursday. That way you could pack in meetings etc to the days you stay in Berlin but see your children in the middle of the 4 days.

GarethS sorry, it's a bit of sore point with me. I've spent years patiently explaining that when I'm away, DH is perfectly capable to look after his DC, just as I am when he is away.

No idea how it will impact your family, however, how would Brexit impact your working in Berlin?