A mother working away?

[Berliner2018]

Just that really. Kids 10,12,13. The job is in Berlin, so basically commute from London to Berlin 4 days a week. I've only read threads about fathers working away, any mothers done this?

My dad worked on oil rigs - away for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. I don’t recall any discussion about the impact on the family. All those folks in the military who are also away for weeks at a time... this seems quite reasonable in comparison.

garethsouthgatesmrs - I had a laugh at your post. Dh is the one in our family who works away, he does batch cook for us at weekends and we're in the process of hiring a nanny as I cannot do all the childcare on my own. I sometimes feel like the stereotypical 'hopeless husband' (dh would be a much better sahp than me but he has a significantly higher earning potential).

If the other parent can cope, fine. Even better if there is a friend or relative nearby who can help out in emergencies.

I don't commute every week, but am on overseas work trips for 2 to 3 weeks up to 6 times a year.
It really irks me when people say 'who's looking after your child while you're away'?
I honestly don't think this would ever be asked of a dad in a similar situation!!!

My husband and I make it work and I didn't take the job before an open discussion about how we could manage this. At the end of the day he's an adult and half of the parental unit and perfectly capable of looking after my daughter for three weeks at a time!!
Obviously things more difficult as he needs to do all of the pick ups and drop-offs and take any sick days that are required, but I get time off in lieu from my work trips which means I can take off time in the school holidays and he doesn't have to - it works out quite well for us.
As long as your other half is happy with that and supportive I would take the opportunity - why not? things are so much easier these days with Skype and WhatsApp to keep in contact.
I also think you'd be setting a wonderful example for your kids being strong successful working woman

garethsouthgatesmrs loved your post. I wonder if anyone reading was nodding their head

As with any decision like this, as long as there will be a parent at home who is capable of looking after the children there is no reason not to. Your children will get used to it very quickly, and with Skype / whatsapp etc you will still be in very regular contact while you are away.

My dad used to travel for several weeks at a time when I was a child and we all just got on with it really.

@MrsChollySawcutt I LOVE your username

I work away Monday to Thursday each week. It's bloody hard but doable. I speak to my husband and kids on the phone about 3 times a day.
Unfortunately, I still do most of the home admin and organisation but I am a bit of a control freak.
Sometimes you have to do it to keep body and soul together.... and now I quite like a couple of evenings peace each week!

I could see Gareths post was sarcastic. Maybe I've been on MN too long
Same. It was clearly a joke ;-)

Thanks Twotailed

Do it. You can alwqys quit if it is sh1t

My mum did it (she was cabin crew). My brother was 14 and I was 16. My granny lived with us. It was fine

My dh is currently working away on a project - flies out early evening Sunday, back late Thursday night, works from home on Friday. Been like this for 5 months now. We have 3 school age DC and I work FT.

He has worked off and on on projects since we met so in theory this is nothing new. We have no family help but I have used a variety of au pairs and nannies to help before.

This time round has been so so awful, and I think it is because the children are that much older now (a year or so younger than the OP's dc) and they have more activities to support. All I do is rush to get them to school (breakfast club) in the morning, rush to work, some nights rush back because I need to take someone to an activity while the nanny goes in another direction, some nights I can work late. Weekends are more taxi driving, laundry and batch cooking.

My dh is v supportive while he's at home, but he is increasingly distant from the 'rhythm' of the family, so he's operating at a 'task' level, rather than really taking ownership.

It is only an existence (and I don't mean to sound melodramatic). All the burden is on me, and I have been expected to cope. Which I am. But it is miserable.

It's a hell of an ask on your dp that they pick everything up while you are away. And then your weekends will be sheer drudgery trying to get set up for the next week away. At least my situation is due to end soon, but you are contemplating a permanent arrangement.

The only way I could realistically see this work on a longer term basis for our family is if I worked shorter hours - but we can't afford that.

My cousin is in the military. She has been deployed multiple times. Her two kids are currently still alive and I believe nothing has ended up on fire.

No reason not to do it, just because the person in question is a woman. Personally I'd try to negotiate travel on the work days, ie fly in on Monday morning and home at a reasonable hour on Thursday so spending four nights a week at home rather than three, but yeah.

Obvs agree that batch cooking will have to be provided and also have you thought about laundry

Of course it’s fine to do, as long as there is someone available to be home with the kids.

Why would you even ask? Do you think working away is something only husbands and fathers are able to do?

I'm mainly concerned about the daily commute idea. I'm not sure its doable in terms of your own exhaustion levels. I'd be looking at renting one of those serviced flats.

and playftseforme - that's quite similar to how I feel. People don't ask men who is looking after the children and the assumption is their wives are happily finding everything a breeze and enjoying having control of the remote (that the main thing people say to me). Well, Its not a cost free arrangement for anyone, so you have to make sure the benefits are there to balance it out.

I did it about 15 years ago for about 5 years while my 3 dc were quite young. It worked ok but now I look back and think there are better ways to earn a living and it is the only thing in my whole life I actually regret doing...except the half bottle of southern comfort on a North Sea ferry when I was 17!

Depends if your DH agrees to it, just the same as if he was proposing working away while you were home. Would you salary allow him to reduce his hours a bit if he thinks that would help?
DH and I both travel for work, DS is only a toddler at the moment but gets cared for just the same regardless of who is home. It doesn’t actually matter which parent is working away if both parents and children are happy with it but it is probably harder on both parents, lots of travel and likely long days for one, lots of rushing about, childcare and household admin for the other. If in total the working away has a net benefit to the family despite this - long or short term, then go for it.

In the sector I work in 4 days on/3 days off is a common shift, done by both men and women, so yes it's entirely do-able. Honestly, how often will you see 10, 12 & 13 year olds during the school week? A couple of hours a day maybe? I would do it in a heartbeat.

If you have arrangements in place, the right support and you are comfortable with it...then why not.

I work abroad (all over Europe) multiple times a year (usually at least once a month) for a few nights at a time.

DH is perfectly capable, I'd expect any half of a partnership to be able to cope with that set up to be honest, barring mental health issues/disabilities that may prevent them from being able to cope with the demands.

Me and the DCs dad are separated, but he lives 10 min away and he sees the dc few times a week, and they sleep over one one day a week. Maybe I could get a live in nanny for the rest of the days.

Me and the DCs dad are separated, but he lives 10 min away and he sees the dc few times a week, and they sleep over one one day a week. Maybe I could get a live in nanny for the rest of the days.

Ok wait, what? Where and with whom will your kids live if you're away 4 days a week?

@TheHulksPurplePanties that's what I'm trying to figure out. Maybe I thought they could stay with him or get a live in nanny, I'm not 100% sure I'll take the job, just trying to find out if it's doable.