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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make her go?

57 replies

IAmLordVoldemort · 28/08/2018 18:38

DD is 3.5. She’s a wee angel, very well behaved generally. However, she’s very cautious. Always has been. She was never a climber as a baby, she isn’t much of a fan of running about wild. She likes to read, imaginative play with her dolls for hours etc.

I have signed her up for a few classes as this is her last year before school and im keen to build her confidence a bit. She also goes to nursery three days per week. She loves it there but staff say she’s quite shy and a bit timid.

Anyway. One of these classes is a swimming class. I think confidence in the water is important. She had her name on the waiting list for these lessons (which are well sought after) for ages and has now done two of them. She seems to enjoy them when she’s there.

However, at the very end of the last lesson the instructors had the kids (four of them, all same age as DD) jump into the baby pool (pretty much into the instructors’ arms). DD did it at the time, after some persuasion, but told me afterwards that she didn’t like it.

Now she’s saying she isn’t going back tomorrow. Doesn’t like swimming and that’s it.

I know that she’s only 3.5 and has years ahead of her to learn to swim. But tbh I’m not sure what the best thing to do is. They are great lessons and the other kids all love them.

She does this quite often, will enjoy something then something minor puts her off. In times gone by o have just let it go. She didn’t like ballet so we didn’t go back to that, for example. I just want her to enjoy herself.

But this class seems like such a good wee opportunity for her. DH thinks we should persuade her to go but I’m just not sure.

OP posts:

SneakyGremlins · 28/08/2018 18:40

Can she go but not jump in the water?

gamerwidow · 28/08/2018 18:41

I’d make her go big if she gets there and really hates it I’d call it a day.

NancyDonahue · 28/08/2018 18:42

Would it help if you spoke to the swim teacher in front of dd to tell him that she's not keen on jumping in? In my experience swim teachers are very receptive to hearing any worries, they don't want unhappy children.

And maybe take dd swimming yourself as much as possible to help her confidence.

MiniCooperLover · 28/08/2018 18:49

Sorry but a 3.5 year old doesn't get to declare what she will and won't attend. She needs to sometimes do things she isn't comfortable with.

Frogscotch7 · 28/08/2018 18:51

I wouldn’t mention it again until it’s time to go. A week is a lifetime when you’re that age.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 28/08/2018 18:52

New swimsuit, goggles, surely she want to show them off at the class?!
It's for her own good.
Like jabs!!

YeTalkShiteHen · 28/08/2018 18:53

Learning to swim is a really important life skill so I’m torn.

I’d make her go this time I think, and then see how she is after.

Racecardriver · 28/08/2018 18:54

I was like this as a child. I grew out of it. If anything I would have dug my heels in further if my parents had persisted. Do what you think will work best.

BakewellTart01 · 28/08/2018 18:56

I could have written the post about my DD OP. She is primary one now, but all her reports from nursery and school state she is quiet, timid, retreating etc.

We also sent her to swimming lessons. She loved in when in the water but before class her anxiety would increase. We spoke to the teacher and she decided to comtinue to teach her but not have her jump in.

She has been swimming for 6 months and only on our summer holidays did she feel confident to put her face in the water. If i were you I would relay the concerns to the teacher. In order to progress through badges (if she is doing that) she will have to jump in and put her face under water. With us we built up to it. The more she attends the more confidence and she will get there.

Good luck!

Bluelady · 28/08/2018 18:57

I'd leave it for the time being. You don't want her to become water phobic. Give it a few months and try again.

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 28/08/2018 18:58

For me swimming is an important life skill and like nursery i treat as compulsory for my girls. I would speak to the swim teacher and help alleviate her worries. My dd2 wouldn't get in the water to start with without a full swim belt, armbands and with the teacher v close. The teacher was fantastic and now dd2 swims (she doesn't love the water) but once she is able to swim confidently she can stop. We live by the sea and I cannot swim well and have missed out on experiences because of it, I don't want that to happen to my dds

nuttyknitter · 28/08/2018 18:59

Please don't make her go. She's so little and there are years ahead for her to gain confidence in the water. If you force her now you could put her off for a very long time.

AngkorWaat · 28/08/2018 19:02

If it were me I’d keep taking her but I’d let her know she doesn’t have to jump in yet. Hopefully the teacher will work with you to increase her confidence slowly. If not I’d probably go elsewhere.

SometimesMaybe · 28/08/2018 19:03

I am usually of the school of stick them in and get on with it, but think it is slightly different with Swimming. You could put her off for ages if you push it.

However, it’s ok for her not to want to jump in until she is ready. Can you take her Swimming before her next lesson and promise she doesn’t have to jump in (even if you are just I. The water for 15 mins). You could then take her to the lesson and tell he she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to.

At this age it’s all about doing what you are comfortable in the water whilst pushing gently at trying new things.

madeyemoodysmum · 28/08/2018 19:08

I always said to mine swimming is non negotiable like school.

They bitched and moaned sometimes but years in we are reaping the Benefits.

I can drop them off at a pool and leave them in the car of the lifeguards and enjoy a coffee.

We can snorkel. Enjoy water parks birthday swim parties.

A good friend of mines son isn't a confident swimmer and he missing out on so much

I'd say tough.

confusedandconfuddled · 28/08/2018 19:08

I had a negative experience of being forced to jump into a pool as part of a swimming lesson, aged about 4. Stayed with me and am now a non-swimming adult as I remained water phobic

Original poster

IAmLordVoldemort · 28/08/2018 19:09

Ok this is helpful. Thanks. I think I’ll speak to the instructor and explain that she hates the jumping in part and can we work up to that.

I struggle to take her myself as I also have a one year old and a husband who works about 10000 hours per week 🙄 I’m not allowed to take both of them in the pool myself. Think I’ll need to get on to DH about this.

OP posts:

Lookingforadvice123 · 28/08/2018 19:12

Following as my DS 2.8 is a bit like this. Socially he's reasonably confident once he gets going but he's a very curious/scared child in other ways.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/08/2018 19:21

You would be crazy to allow a 3.5 year old call the shots. A huge part of life is learning to handle things we aren't 100% comfortable with, and the sooner children start to learn this lesson, the better. Swimming is a critically important skill, and if you let her stop going all you will do is to reenforce her timidness.

Anonymumm · 28/08/2018 19:27

My youngest is the same age and has just started, I was wary of how he'd be as I knew I wanted him to go regardless, it's a life skill (obviously) but also, my eldest is still on the waiting list having first went at 18 months and not loving it - I wish I'd perservered in hindsight, but there's a big difference between a resistant 18 month old and a 3 and a half year old - as others have said, have a chat with the instructor.
Bribery is always good too - my DS picks a sweetie from the shop and we pack it in his swim bag for afterwards.

QueenofLouisiana · 28/08/2018 19:39

Swimming caused wailing, threats of illness and downright refusal from DS aged 4-6. We were given “homework” to practise wearing goggles in the bath and shower to get his face in the water. The teachers worked with him to move forward but by bit.

All the other things he hated, I let him drop after a few weeks if he really didn’t want to do it. Swimming was non-negotiable as I am not a good swimmer and always hated it. I agreed he could give up when he could swim 25m in light clothes.

He’s just been picked for a national level swimming competition. It was worth sticking at the lessons.

Feefeetrixabelle · 28/08/2018 19:45

I think you just have to tell her the truth- learning to swim is an essential skills. Like walking, reading and writing. And not learning it is not an option. Then give her a choice. She continues now and stops at Christmas for a break or she starts after Christmas. And explain to her a lot of schools have swimming lessons and it’s better to go to them already feeling happy in the water.

Everyoneiswingingit · 28/08/2018 19:50

Sounds like my DDs. I wouldn't make a child do anything like that. Mine were on the cautious side but so was I. They are confident high achieving teens now. They just came to do things in their own time. Forcing could actually out her off for life and she won't trust you.She's 3.5!!

Everyoneiswingingit · 28/08/2018 19:53

She's only 3.5 that should read. Not every child is super confident. My DDs learnt to swim age 7ish and were NEVER made to jump in. Only to blow bubbles.

Needahairbrush · 28/08/2018 19:54

A lot of swimming lessons do this...the new kids don’t like it.
I wouldn’t let her stop going, she won’t like it the next time you try either, she needs to people persevere. Can The teacher help her by holding hands as she jumps so it’s not so much of a leap?

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