Do you prefer living on your own?

[Newmenewlife]

Just that really. I made the decision to not live with anyone again except my three DC. I do get the odd , people feeling "sorry" for me, thinking I'm a loner etc. Please tell me I'm not alone?

I don’t have a burden to share

So you don't have bins to take out?
No shopping or cooking to be done?
No gas bills to pay?
No car insurance to sort out?
No home maintenance?
No grass to cut?
No trips to the dump?
No fridges that need cleaning out?
No leaks that happen?

You must lead a charmed life.

thats just life speakout, not a burden.

So you don't have bins to take out?
No shopping or cooking to be done?
No gas bills to pay?
No car insurance to sort out?
No home maintenance?
No grass to cut?
No trips to the dump?
No fridges that need cleaning out?
No leaks that happen?

That’s life. Not a burden. I don’t find any of those things particularly tiresome or onerous nor indeed difficult to solve!

But that's life's burdens, call them what you like, the point is I only have to do half of these things,if I lived alone they would be all my tasks.

Not onerous or difficult- just dull.

And sharing that load frees up my time to do fun stuff.

If you enjoy these boring activities, then great.

@speakout,

Bins are on wheels easy peasy.
shopping and cooking must be done whether alone or in a group/family etc. situation.
Bills are just bills
I have a hunk from OZ who does my gardening once a fortnight. He goes to Oz for the winter, and I love when he comes back!
Dump trips are few and far between when you are not a hoarder

As Ted said, that's ordinary life and applies whether you are coupled up, single with kids, cohabiting, married or living alone.

I am a woman, but can do all the above things you mention on my own (with help from Ozzie the Gardener admittedly!)

And sharing that load frees up my time to do fun stuff

How long would they take you to eat into the fun stuff?!

Love it. Feels like home with no other adult. Kids totally relaxed at home too. Dont think you often get that with a stepparent tbh.

I live 'alone' with my two DC (6yo and 5mo) and I love it. Have done since DC1 was a baby. Can't imagine ever being able to tolerate another adult in my space again - I love being able to have everything as I choose (within reason, given budget + general effect of children), not being at all answerable to another adult, the sheer freedom of it. It's notable perhaps that my only (4yr) co-habiting relationship was very controlling, but I genuinely also think this is my ideal anyway (and maybe I chose that ex to prove my own world view correct?).

I occasionally feel sorry for myself when I have to do everything though. Not the day to day stuff like the washing up (although I am always particularly delighted when someone else feeds my child - one of my favourite things about nursery, childminders etc!), but the more occasional and pressing shit like sorting paperwork for conveyancers or dealing with broken boilers. And I have been known to wish there was a second adult around so that I could storm out when a child is being impossible! I also sometimes feel vulnerable as a woman living alone - I know this is a sometimes derided position on here and I definitely (obviously) don't understand those who get scared by the prospect of a night without their partner's reassuring presence, but I live in an area with a high crime rate and (e.g.) if the door buzzer goes unexpectedly late at night I don't like it.

I do have to try not to compare my existing lifestyle with what it might be if I had a live-in DP on a similar salary - but mostly I feel incredibly fortunate about my lot, my lovely home and the two lovely children in it, all on my terms. I can't imagine wanting to give up all that.

Oh - I see we've moved on to sharing our domestic labour whilst I was rambling on. I have to admit, I'd love to have someone else to be with the kids while I cooked and washed up (or vice versa), but on balance it doesn't come even close to outweighing the lovely stuff about being alone.

I lived on my own before I met DH and I loved it. I have a busy noisy job and enjoyed coming home to the peace and quiet. I had a good social life so didn’t mind.

the bin takes about 30 seconds to put out. Bills are all direct debit, nothing to do there, I don't have a car, I quite like a bit of DIY, gardening is my hobby, I even have an allotment. I had a leak recently - I called a plumber - I could go on. Unless you leave it all to your partner speakout you still have to some of the dull stuff.

I have plenty of time for fun stuff

I LOVE living on my own: all on my own!! I'm fiercely protective over my space, hate entertaining at home and so nobody visits. YAAAY.

I'm a social butterfly though: I just go out to ..... er, socialise

Having said that, I have been called 'odd' and 'creepy' on here so .... maybe I'm just completely weird

Stayed at home till 27, then married for 9 yrs. he cheated.
Son 4 and myself for 9 yrs.
Then I met partner, 18 mths later we moved into new house.
16 yrs later, WISH I’d stayed separate houses, please yourself when to eat. What to eat. Get up, just everything without someone chirping in or moaning.

Men are nearly mostly all the same when you live with them

That's part of life as jacqueshammer said. And tbh I did everything on my own when I was with ex, he did nothing except sit around the house and watch Sky sports or play on his phone. I still do everything obviously now, but it's less stress and things are more relaxed. Sometimes I do feel sorry myself that I'll never know what it's like to "share the duties", or a man doing his share of parenting because I won't have any more children.

I think if I was coming from a position of having had bad relationships then I would probably prefer living on my own too.

Some of these posts in no way relate to my experience of loving living with my OH of 22 years.

Men are nearly mostly all the same when you live with them

Illustrates my point, and others talking about loss of freedoms, having "someone chirping in or moaning.", someone telling you what to do etc.

Yes if that is how your experience of living with someone has worked out, then it's no surprise that you would prefer to be alone.

But not all relationships are like that I can assure you.

Absolutely love living on my own but as someone pointed out, OP, you live with your DC so you don't live alone.

So you don't have bins to take out? - Cleaner
No shopping or cooking to be done? - Order online, I cook
No gas bills to pay? - Direct Debit
No car insurance to sort out? - no car
No home maintenance? - Tradesman
No grass to cut? - Gardener
No trips to the dump? - no car so man with a van
No fridges that need cleaning out? - Cleaner
No leaks that happen - Plumber

I'm disabled but if able bodied would do most of those myself, ditrly most adults could. It's hardly rocket science.

he did nothing except sit around the house and watch Sky sports or play on his phone.

Yes so I can imaging living alone is far preferable.

But not all men are like this.

It's hardly rocket science.

No.

And I can do all these jobs easily.

I prefer not to.

I live living in my own. I lived with an abusive ex (kids Dad) for 7 years. On my own for 8 years. Then moved in with my partner for 2 years. Separated and been on my own for again for 3 years, just me, 2 teen DC and the dog. I'm so much happier by myself. I've got control of my own finances, I make my own decisions, do pretty much what I like, when I like. I can't imagine ever living with a man again.

so you leave 'the burden' to someone else

I love it. It's so much more chilled just me, DS and the dog. I love having the bed to myself and being able to do what I want when I want without having to worry about anyone else except DS.

Ted27

No, we share fairly.

And it's good to have someone do nice things for you.

OH will sense when I have had a stressful day, bring me a cup of Peppermint tea or a glass of wine without me asking, pop a hot water bottle into my bed when I have a cold, scrape my car for me on a frosty morning.
I do similarly supportive things for him.

It's part of a loving relationship.

I think if I was coming from a position of having had bad relationships then I would probably prefer living on my own too

Choice isn’t always a result of a bad relationship. It can be just a choice.