Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give dd2 her sisters room when sister leaves for uni?

108 replies

Twistella · 28/08/2018 10:16

Dd2 is in a tiny boxroom and has been for 12 years. There's a raised single bed and a tiny desk and that's it. When dd1 goes to uni next September wibu to let dd2 have her room and dd1 have the small room when she comes back in the holidays?

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 28/08/2018 12:12

DS3 moved into DS1's room the minute DS1 was out of the door. When DS1 came home, DS3 moved back into his old room, and then back into the big bedroom when DS1 was back at university. It helped that DS3 wasn't really bothered about stuff, so long as he had his laptop he was fine. So we didn't clear either room, but just let DS3 swap beds.
We did the same when DS2 went to university a few years later.
It worked because they all get on, and DS3 although messy, is respectful of his brothers things, although they took anything they really liked away with them. DS3 was fine about going back to the bedroom when his brothers were home, and it made sense as they were both much bigger than him and couldn't actually fit in the single bed in the small room - no room for feet to hang over the edge of the bed!
Would an arrangement like that work for you?

Wiseaftertheevent · 28/08/2018 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NameChangedAgain18 · 28/08/2018 12:18

Poor girl! Moving off to uni is hard enough without losing your room at home too!

You do realise that there are millions of girls across the world who would give their eye tooth for the opportunity to go to university? Poor girl, indeed!

YogiBear13 · 28/08/2018 12:47

I don't think its unreasonable at all to switch the rooms, but IF you did want to compromise, how about giving DD2 both rooms (I'm aware that that doesn't sound like a compromise at first!). Move DD2's desk out from her current room to give her more space, and let her use DD1's room as a study. She might appreciate having a totally separate area to study in, and DD1's room wouldn't be totally lost to her. This is only if you felt like you wanted to find a middle ground, but I don't think you should have to.

Hushnownobodycares · 28/08/2018 12:48

We did it a few years back.

Ds1 kicked up a bit but soon got used to the idea. Didn't seem fair to keep ds2 cooped up when a bigger room was going begging for a lot of the year.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 28/08/2018 12:58

I cannot imagine having been so selfish as to force my brother to stay in the box room when I had all but completely vacated the bigger room. It wasn't even discussed, he just moved in.

Yes going to uni is difficult but it's part of growing up and becoming an adult that can fend for themselves. After year one I stopped going home for long stretches in the holidays as by then I had got myself a job, mates, moved out of halls etc.

FlibbertigibbetArmadillo · 28/08/2018 12:58

I think they should swap, but think maybe you should agree to do it at Christmas once she is settled in and planning to stay

StarsHollow123 · 28/08/2018 13:06

YANBU for DD2 to move into the larger bedroom.

However, I wonder if DD1 is feeling a little nervous about moving away to uni and her home not being her home anymore. 'Losing' her bedroom would likely reinforce this. I would reassure her that she is always welcome and it absolutely is still her home. Perhaps discuss how you could redecorate her new room so it's a lovely space for her to come back too.

hilzilla · 28/08/2018 13:15

Tell dd1 she'll have to stay over at imaginary boyfriends house as there won't be room for him at your place

Apocalyptichorsewoman · 28/08/2018 13:22

I swapped Ds1 and Ds2 when DS1 went to university. Ds2 is coming up to his GCSEs and has always had the smallest room. I did wait until DS1 had been home for the first Christmas holidays, then when he went back we made the swap. They were both fine about it! It would have felt really unfair to Ds2 if we hadn't.

Whistled · 28/08/2018 13:23

Swap the rooms before she goes. Then she gets to do the clear out, pack and make it her own a bit so when she comes back at the end of the first term it's not such a shock for her.

LeighaJ · 28/08/2018 14:07

@Twistella

"It doesn't fit a double bed so apparently that's not fair if she has a boyfriend to stay!!"

Tell her she's not allowed to have a boyfriend stay, so it's not an issue. Grin

tillytrotter1 · 28/08/2018 14:09

Isn't this the normal rite of passage?

allright · 28/08/2018 14:10

She’s not losing her “home”, she’s having a smaller bedroom because she wont be there for the majority of the year! Why hasn’t she offered her room to her younger sister?

This is a no brainer for me!

DailyMailCanFO · 28/08/2018 14:13

Well my DH and I shared a single bed for 3 years so I'd not be taking any notice of the single vs double argument!

allright · 28/08/2018 14:14

Younger sister, in box room for 12 years, still had to be there in case older sister wants sex?

Huh?!

Lyricallie · 28/08/2018 14:18

I hadn’t even finished packing and my sister was already putting things into the bigger room. Admittedly I was moving out rather than uni. But everyone thought I was going to give up and come home. (Which I didn’t).

Definitely swap them and of course she’ll moan. Good thing she’ll be at uni so you don’t need to listen.

GreenPimpernel · 28/08/2018 14:22

Yanbu in the least. You cut your coat to fit your cloth. I grew up the eldest of a large family in a tiny, overcrowded house, and when I went to university, my next sister (who'd been sharing a tiny room with another sister) moved into my equally tiny room (which I'd only had a year, as it had been my grandfather's bedroom until he died), and I was on the sofa when I came home to visit.

Not ideal, but we only had the space we had.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/08/2018 14:25

If she has a boyfriend at uni they'll presumably have worked out how to manage with a single bed. But I'm not sure how many students tie themselves down with a 'steady', at least not for a good while.

CripsSandwiches · 28/08/2018 14:27

Of course switch partly because DD2 will get mores out of it and partly because she's had the bigger room for years and it's DD2's turn now. Why should the younger sibling get the dregs?

Gillian1980 · 28/08/2018 14:31

Yanbu.

Absolutely loads of families do this, it’s very common.

PrimalLass · 28/08/2018 14:41

My parents left the continent when I went to uni. I can't feel that sorry for someone who has to move to a smaller room.

5000KallaxHoles · 28/08/2018 14:44

I never quite forgave my mum for this when I went to uni - but it was more HOW it was done than the actual deed of doing it... in my case it was left till after I'd gone and then done as a revenge act for me daring to not just stay at home for uni and go and live in halls (my mum was very very controlling growing up and had planned my university choice and living at home and I'd insisted on living in halls).

Discussion in advance with gentle law laying down if required would have been fine - but a "oh by the way I've given your brother your bedroom" on the phone was shite.

Iwantacampervan · 28/08/2018 14:46

My friend's family are doing this - she has 2 daughters who will both be away from September. Her son will move into their room as it's bigger on the understanding that if both return home at the same time then he moves temporarily back into the smaller room.

viques · 28/08/2018 14:48

Just don't throw her precious, lovingly shabbied up duffle coat out.

[resentfully shuffles feet through fallen leaves ]

Holding a grudge? Moi?