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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give dd2 her sisters room when sister leaves for uni?

108 replies

Twistella · 28/08/2018 10:16

Dd2 is in a tiny boxroom and has been for 12 years. There's a raised single bed and a tiny desk and that's it. When dd1 goes to uni next September wibu to let dd2 have her room and dd1 have the small room when she comes back in the holidays?

OP posts:

happystory · 28/08/2018 10:32

We did this when Ds went to university. However he could (just) fit his double bed in. We redecorated once he'd gone - took our mind off things!

userblablabla · 28/08/2018 10:35

Poor girl! Moving off to uni is hard enough without losing your room at home too!

NoBirthdayHugs · 28/08/2018 10:35

I think it’s fair but I would be tempted to wait until DD1 has settled at Uni and been home for the first break (Christmas?) so that she doesn’t have the upheaval of going to Uni and having to move all her stuff to a new room/ redecorate at home at the same time. It may also seem less of an issue to her once she feels settled at Uni and feels like she has her own bedroom there and it feels like hers as she’ll hopefully feel less attached to her bedroom at home by that point.

stillnotTheDoctor · 28/08/2018 10:35

It's your house. Do what u like.

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2018 10:36

Im the ekdest and I was asked to swap rooms with my brother when I was 16 (he was 11). I said yes because it was fair and because I was incentivised by the offer of a total redecorate w new bed/curtains/rug etc

Cheby · 28/08/2018 10:37

Poor girl! Moving off to uni is hard enough without losing your room at home too!

What about the younger sister who hasn’t had the tiny box room all this time?! That’s pretty unfair as well.

BarbarianMum · 28/08/2018 10:38

And I think a child still at home would have a perfect right to shout "unfair" at being stuck in a box room whilst a better bedroom lay empty for half the year.

stillnotTheDoctor · 28/08/2018 10:43

Not entirely sure why the youngest sibling is always condemned to the most rubbish room either.

Asuna · 28/08/2018 10:44

I can give you the perspective of the older child going to uni here. Me and my sister shared a room, but during my first year of uni my family moved house while I was away. In the new room, me and my sister would still be sharing, but it was deemed unfair that my sister had to have a room with no floor space when I wasn’t even there, so I had a pull out bed that lived under her bed.

From my perspective, it felt like my space at home had been taken away. When you go away to uni for the first time, you want to think that everything at home is just how you left it. It was hard that they moved house while I was away, and it was hard that I didn’t have a proper bed. I got used to it though, and my mum was right to stick to her guns, because it wasn’t fair that my sister had half of the room taken up by an unused bed.

Your eldest will get used to it. Expect her to be a bit upset...the upheaval of moving out to uni can be stressful and scary so try to come across as understanding, but stick to your guns that this is only fair for the youngest.

BadBadBeans · 28/08/2018 10:47

Of course they should swap! I swapped my double bedroom with my younger brother's tiny little room when I went to uni. That is completely fair! My mum very kindly redecorated the room for me while I was away so that it looked attractive when I came back for my frist reading week. She also bought some nice new bedding and some little bits and bobs - glass vases etc - to help pretty it up. Perhaps you could sweeten the deal for DD1 by offering to do something like this for her / with her?

Billben · 28/08/2018 10:50

Poor girl! Moving off to uni is hard enough without losing your room at home too!

Oh diddums. She could be out in the big wide world all on her own like I was at that age 😀

BadBadBeans · 28/08/2018 10:51

Also, what exactly does she think the sleeping arrangments are going to be in halls when she has her boyfriend stay over there?! I didn't even have a double bed when I moved out into student rented accommodation - there wasn't space in my room. She'll have to get used to sharing a single!

Loopytiles · 28/08/2018 11:01

YANBU. How long has DD2 been in the small room?

PandaPolarBear · 28/08/2018 11:02

Also, she may end up with a p/t job, with the option of more hours during holidays, and not end up back home every holiday anyway.

Nikephorus · 28/08/2018 11:03

Tell her that she'll not be allowed to have any boyfriends staying over so a single bed will be just fine

Loopytiles · 28/08/2018 11:10

Sorry, your OP says DD2 has had a boxroom for 12 YEARS!

Unless this was DD2’s preference - which it may be (some DC like small spaces, I had the boxroom as a child/teen by choice) - YABU to have prioritised DD1 all that time!

And even if it was DD2’s preference that’s now changed. A double bed and decent storage is a luxury most students don’t have anyway.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/08/2018 11:20

Moving off to uni is hard enough

Going to uni is a fantastic opportunity... I doubt most students think much about home when they're away. And they may be home for less time than they might be anticipating, especially if they get a summer placement.

At very least your DD2 ought to be able to use the room as a study.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 28/08/2018 11:27

Dd2 has been in the box room for 14 years and is looking forward to her sister going to uni next year so she can swap rooms.

However, her room has just been redecorated and now she says that she doesn't like her sisters room as the view is rubbish! It overlooks our garden then a filed and then the churchyard.

So the current thinking is that she will stay in her room but when dd1 clears lots of her stuff out to take with her, dd1 can use it as a study space or a hanging with friends space in the bigger room.

Dd1 won't like the idea of swapping but has been told that she will have had the bigger bedroom for over 18 years by that point and it is time for her sister to have a turn.

SpoonBlender · 28/08/2018 11:28

Yes, swap them. I'm the oldest and we did that when I went to Uni. It was fine. Encouraged me to move out fairly quickly after I got my biscuit, too!

ScoutAtticus · 28/08/2018 11:36

Id perhaps do it after the first reading week when dd1 has had a chance to settle a bit. In the meantime dd2 can use the space as much as she likes but plan to officially move rooms once dd 1 has settled. I wouldn't let dd1 dictate whether it happens but just be a little more sensitive in the timing.

fieryginger · 28/08/2018 11:48

I didn't move rooms fast enough when DS1 went to uni. He came back and quit 2 months into his course. Maybe coming home to the box room might have swayed him to stay.

Frenchmom · 28/08/2018 11:50

When I went to university, many years ago now, my brother, though older than me,was still living at home. I had a large double bedroom and he only had a box room. Although I was sad doing it we swapped as it didn’t seem fair for him to have the small room when I wasn’t there.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 28/08/2018 11:52

It's perfectly reasonable, jeez you're hardly telling her there's no longer a place for her in her home! Why on earth should dd2 be stuck with the small room when there's a larger one more suitable for her needs sitting empty for half the year or more?

By all means be a bit sensitive to her nerves but that doesn't mean agreeing nothing will change while she's away at uni. She has had the benefit of that room for years, it's ridiculous to insist it should be hers forevermore and very unfair when there is actually another child still living at home.

EthelThePiratesDaughter · 28/08/2018 11:56

I can see why DD1 doesn't like the idea but she has had the bigger room for years and now she is leaving home and her sister has got at least another 4 years in your house. Swapping at this stage is definitely the fairer thing to do.

IgglePigglesAnnoyingGiggle · 28/08/2018 11:59

I seem to recall being at the bottom of the stairs waiting for my folks to drop me off at uni and my brother was already scurrying across the landing with his stuff to move into my room.

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