AIBU to expect partner to want to love with me now I'm pregnant

[poppy8410]

My partner Andy I have been on and off and more recently off when I found out I'm pregnant ( I'm 6 weeks :) )
We've discussed it and he has said he wants to make it work as a family but on the basis that I move into his house . I've lived there before and it didn't work out as I couldn't cope with the nearly 3hr round commute Andy it wasn't part of the reason we broke up and I moved out as I was miserable and grump all the time 😏
I want us to move somewhere closer to work and start over somewhere where we can both be happy... he seems really unflexibke on this and when probed seems it is because he is unsure if it will work out long term so doesn't want to uproot his life.
This fills me with fear and I don't want to uproot my life ( again!) to move back to his house if he doesn't think it will work.... I'd rather focus on us doing something where we are both taking 'risk' and both have to make effort or I'd rather start to build my own life with the baby straight away.

Obviously what is best for the baby come first which is why I w t us to try and be together somewhere we will both be happy, but I'm not willing to move into his if he doesn't think it will work and dhoesn't have confidence as it'll destroy me if we break up again - especially now the stakes are so much higher.
What should I do!!!

Theres a lot of people suggesting 'ending the pregnancy' here which is not something she even asked for advice on

No, but the pregnancy was unplanned, it's very recent, and the OP's post was all about the pregnancy's effect on her partner, and whether it was supposed to make him move in with her, or compromise. It's not clear she's actually thought about whether or not she wants to be a parent, or much about the pregnancy itself at all, other than in the context of a disastrous-sounding half-relationship. I don't think it's unreasonable for people to point out that continuing the pregnancy is not something inevitable.

PS having read your responses... If you're intending continuing with pregnancy I think you need to plan it as a singleton.

The fact that he says he feels lonely and you don't laugh at the same things are massive red flags..... This appears to be a casual thing on his side that suddenly got very serious after your positive result...

He doesn't want to move... He's saying he isn't that keen... Perhaps you need to listen to him rather than force both of you into a relationship that is not working??

The question is do you or not want to be a single parent??

Babies have been raised in more... Shit shows.. Than this.

Who knows op and her partner may split but still be be very good parents and get on really well as Co parents and friends.

Things change all the time. There is no perfect.

Op you said you have money, do you have family support? Someone to watch the baby for you occasionally, money to pay for nursery for the bit or alot?

Cant rely on friends for this...

I wouldn't push him. His feelings are not there or... Buried under his awful experience in marriage.

Counselling is good start but it won't magic up feelings.

If he was serious he could look at things such as keeping his house and renting it out and renting one with you with comparable distances to both work places. If it all falls apart he will have somewhere to go back to so no farm giving it a go. It seems he doesn’t want to though. So it’s really whether you want to be a single parent as that’s the way this will go and whether you feel it’s pissible to co-parent with him for 16 odd years and keep your sanity.