DH friendship with colleague

[marmite12345]

I'm for genuinely honest opinions. My DH has worked with female colleague for a number of years - of course that's normal and fine. I've never met her because his work is 1.5/2 hours away so he frequently stays over. My problem is the number of social things they seem to do together. Never just the two of them, different people but always her. She is single. I'm talking skiing holidays, corporate event e.g races, gigs etc. Then there are the helpful lifts she's happy to give just to him - not quick trips but long journeys (she was going anyway???). Then there's what seems to be constant texting/funny Facebook comments/tags etc. I mentioned this to my husband a few weeks ago and of course he went mad with me - saying she was the same as male friends etc. I told him I didn't want him to tell her we'd had the conversation but since then all Facebook comments/ texts etc seem to have stopped. What would you think?

I'm on the fence a bit. Key in your OP is that texts and messages seem to have stopped - is he deleting them or was his phone buzzing away and now isn't?

I don't really trust that constant messaging outside work is innocent. It suggests that they take up a huge amount of each other's headspace.

It's also frustrating when people just ask if you trust your OH or not - sometimes you do, but at the same time are fully aware you would feel a total mug if it turned out to be misplaced trust. Especially when you explained to a third party afterwards that they stayed in the same hotel, went on long drives, etc. and you thought that was fine at the time...

Trust is earnt due to behaviour. People say ‘do you trust your OP?’ Like that is a permanent, never changing thing. Currently my husband has done nothing to make me not trust him but it’s not a blind trust!

If behaviour changes then your trust in someone can too.

I too experienced a very similar situation. Whenever I said anything, it was met with adamant denials & the social media stopped for a while. I was stupid enough to believe all the lies. My ex DH is now married to the colleague concerned. After 21 years of marriage, he left when I finally had concrete evidence of his infidelity. They married as soon as the divorce was through. Keep your eyes open. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I hadn't been so naive.