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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be wound up by this "gift"

129 replies

DieAntword · 25/08/2018 10:46

MIL visits, along with the usual assortment of charity shop toys and t-shirts which have slogans on (which are not my taste but hey, something to wear when doing messy stuff) she always brings she brought her friend's decades old (must be, her kids are adults) mouldy (so lets put this into perspective... it must not have been cleaned in those decades!) potty. A second hand, dirty, potty.

We have a potty. My son is now potty trained and using the toilets. We have no need for a disgusting dirty decades old potty.
I am not sure how I can express how much I don't want this.

I told her we don't need it and she said she had no room for it in the car. This morning I go downstairs and notice she has dumped it in my bottle box. Where the baby bottles live. A decades old mouldy potty.

When I took it to throw it out I made sure she could see what I was doing. She passed no comment whatsoever.

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 25/08/2018 11:18

my dm picks up useful or not things, i hate to see her upset face if i threw things in the bin in front of her,she now knows to ask, i guess i am projecting

Slartybartfast · 25/08/2018 11:19

my dm did give me a second hand potty, but when it was required not later.
plenty of people have a Hate for waste.

Original poster
DieAntword · 25/08/2018 11:20

She didn't have an upset face. I think she recognised that she was being cheeky and had a trying to hide her embarrassment at being called out and look blasé face.

OP posts:
BrokenWing · 25/08/2018 11:21

I told her we don't need it and she said she had no room for it in the car.

What happened immediately after you said that? Where did the potty go, was it left awkwardly hanging about or did she put back in her car and sneak it back in?

The next sentence should have been to give her a choice "do you want to you stick it in your boot and take it back or will I chuck it in my bin?", best to be upfront but friendly.

Failing that, throwing it out in front of her without saying anything is a bit mean, a friendly, "oh I see you don't want that old potty, I'll just stick it in the bin then" would have been nicer.

My mum has been trying to force the crap she hoards on me every time I leave her house for years, I've learned it is easier to be thankful for the thought, but honest if you don't want it and deal with it immediately to prevent any unspoken awkwardness or ongoing bad feelings that require a MN thread .

Original poster
DieAntword · 25/08/2018 11:24

What happened immediately after you said that? Where did the potty go, was it left awkwardly hanging about or did she put back in her car and sneak it back in?

Honestly I hadn't realised it was in the house, she told me about it like it was still in the boot. It being brought into the house happened without my realising, I only noticed it was here in the morning when her and the kids were getting in the car to go out.

I honestly mainly threw it away immediately because I noticed it was on the baby bottles and was disgusted.

OP posts:
FASH84 · 25/08/2018 11:25

I'm going to have to watch DH with this, his friends has just offered him a partly broken sandpit that needs to be dug into the floor, and he thought that was a good idea, baby isn't even born yet so doesn't need a sandpit, and DH isn't the most proactive with the DIY that needs doing, let alone refurbishing and digging in a sandpit which will just become a cat toilet.... He seems to think if someone offers something we should take it. We're not hard up and don't need other people's broken tat, or more stuff to cart to the dump. YANBU who wants a second hand potty!!?!

sar302 · 25/08/2018 11:25

@Slartybartfast If the MIL had brought the potty round, bleached and cleaned, wanting her grandchild to use it as her children had done, I might agree with you.

But she actually brought a manky, mouldy dirty potty, for a grandchild who now uses the toilet. This is not a gift! This is offloading your crap on someone else (no pun intended.)

Laureline · 25/08/2018 11:25

Your MIL is gross for bringing this disgusting object into your home, and rude for then making it your problem to dispose of. Your house is not a garbage disposal site.
She’s the one being obtuse and rude. God knows what your baby could catch from this mouldy potty.

pachiano1 · 25/08/2018 11:26

I have an older relative who does things like this. I gave up trying to explain I don’t need the things, not to mention they are no bloody use anyway, years ago.

Older people don’t have such a disposable attitude towards things like we do nowadays. They bought things to keep and don’t really think, actually for about £3 I could get a new one of these. It keeps them busy, they think they are being helpful and rummaging about the charity shops trying to help the younger family often gives them a purpose for the time. Their eyesight is often not as sharp as ours so they don’t tend to notice flaws in fabrics and stains on things quite as obviously as we do either.

So what I do now is thank them for the things and redistribute when I can. So bin, charity shop, might do a friend and finally this one is ok, I shall keep it.

Much easier than a fallout and certainly nicer than binning their (albeit not very good) attempt at help in front of their faces.

Older people think differently.

CherryPlum · 25/08/2018 11:28

It's extremely rude of your MIL. My suggestion is that you kindly provide her with a used, dirty commode 😂

Marcipex · 25/08/2018 11:29

My mil tried to give me a rat's skull she had found in her garden. I shrieked and threw it.
I think she got the message.

Original poster
DieAntword · 25/08/2018 11:30

Much easier than a fallout and certainly nicer than binning their (albeit not very good) attempt at help in front of their faces.

If I'd not openly told her we didn't need it only to find it surreptitiously dumped in my baby bottle box I'd probably agree. But I did tell her and it was really not the place for it.

And your eyesight would really have to be pretty bad not to notice the streaks of black mould in every crevice of the potty, which as pottys often are was brightly coloured and contrasted a lot with the black mould.

OP posts:
RedDogsBeg · 25/08/2018 11:30

Are the people saying OP should have been kind and accusing her of being aggressive really serious?

Her mil brought round a disgusting, mouldy potty are you honestly saying OP should have been grateful for this insulting 'gift'? The grandchild doesn't need or use a potty anymore and even if they did why would any grandparent expect their grandchild to use such a repulsive item? Shows complete contempt not only for OP but also their grandchild.

You did exactly the right thing OP, you behaved better than I would have in the circumstances.

CrabbyPatty · 25/08/2018 11:30

Nah, repeatedly having shit brought to your house is annoying and you need to discourage this. My MIL brought a load of tat for us to sell on Ebay (to help with money) but ultimately its just taking up space and more hassle than its worth. To be fair she means well. I just drop hints. Now we're expecting I might be a bit clearer because we have enough to sort.

Poptart4 · 25/08/2018 11:30

My mother did this for years. She loved shopping in second hand shops which is not a problem in itself but every week she would be giving my kids old broken toys, clothes that didn't fit or things we just didn't need. I would politely take them but it got to the point where all the junk was piling up and i got sick of having to dump it.

Last year where i live (not uk) it was decided we have to pay by weight for our rubbish to be collected. So more rubbish = bigger bills. I had to get tough with my mother and tell her no more 'presents' for the kids.

She was abit put out but i cant afford to keep throwing out the junk she buys. I was as nice as i could be about it though.

viques · 25/08/2018 11:32

When I first moved to London,(in the days of smogs and horse drawn Hackney carriages) the dear little old lady who lived in the basement and was the landlords spy used to give me weird stuff, broken heeled shoes, shrunken jumpers etc. I used to have to take them to my friends house to dump in her bin so Miss Reynard didn't spot them. I am putting her name in because it was years ago, she is long gone, as are the people who lived in the flat above me who were called Mr and Mrs Mole Grin

Belindabauer · 25/08/2018 11:32

This thread has made me chuckle.

My mum used to be like this, always trying to push carp onto me.

Then I moved house and told her no, I don't want it.
It took a while and even now if she sees me getting rid of anything, especially dcs clothes, she questions me.
' Why are you getting rid of that doesn't it fit ds anymore?'
Me: yes it's his favourite top I just decided to throw it away for the hell of it.

MissVanjie · 25/08/2018 11:33

She was fucking rude, not you

If it didn’t fit in her car how had she beought it? Weird woman, weird thing to say/do

MissVanjie · 25/08/2018 11:33

^brought

Marcipex · 25/08/2018 11:35

Oh viques, so hope your name is Rabbit or Stoat.

Original poster
DieAntword · 25/08/2018 11:35

If it didn’t fit in her car how had she beought it?

Presumably she intends to buy some things while she is here and needs the boot space it took up for them.

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 25/08/2018 11:35

She must mean well? I wouldn't get mad about I'd just bin what I didn't want.

RedDogsBeg · 25/08/2018 11:36

pachiano1 how old are you imagining the OP's MIL to be?

UpstartCrow · 25/08/2018 11:36

DieAntword
There was a thread recently about people who are hoarders by proxy, and they dump crap on other people.

I'm not convinced its always well meant. Putting a dirty potty in with a babies bottles isn't a normal thing to do.

angelikacpickles · 25/08/2018 11:37

why is the mil rude?

I'd call putting a dirty mouldy potty on top of clean baby bottles pretty rude.