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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you can be teetotal and have a great life

98 replies

Spinderelle · 25/08/2018 03:36

In response to the research yesterday that suggests that no alcohol is a safe amount to drink.

Whether or not that’s true, I’ve been struck by the amount of people saying since that they’d rather live a full life than a boring joyless existence abstaining! I understand how much people enjoy a drink but just want to put the teetotal case - I’m teetotal because I simply do not like the taste of alcohol or the way it makes me feel and I have a very full life and plenty of fun on nights out. It’s the idea that you cannot have fun without a drink that’s very prevalent in our culture. Wondered if any other non drinkers had noticed this.

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 25/08/2018 03:43

Mumsnet is the only place where I see people say that as tee totallers they are viewed as outcasts. In real life, about half the people I know are tee total. The only time I've known people who like a drink to care about tee totallers is when the tee totallers try to dictate to them. Eg refusing to attend a meal unless everyone agrees in advance that they won't order wine.

Just live your life, no one needs to justify being tee total to anyone else. I have no desire to be tee total, just as I have no desire to stop eating chocolate, or butter, or meat. But I don't care what anyone else does.

treaclesoda · 25/08/2018 03:45

So, yes, in response to your question, you definitely can have a great life, and an active social life, whilst being tee total

Grasslands · 25/08/2018 04:01

not drinking is not a problem for me either at home when relaxing or out with friends. i'm old by mn standards and no one asks what anyone is drinking (other than for arranging designated drivers).

LivLemler · 25/08/2018 04:23

Well of course you can have a good time without. I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for the past year and so have had many a sober occasion and enjoyed them all.

But I like wine. I enjoy a meal out more with a glass of wine. Same as I enjoy it more with dessert. Wine isn't essential in life, but neither is chocolate cake. Or, indeed lying on the sofa watching Netflix.

Chouetted · 25/08/2018 04:32

@treaclesoda In my uni days it was the drinkers who dictated to the teatotallers. A good friend actually told me that while he knew I wasn't, he felt like I was judging him when he drank in my company.

And let's not mention the people who thought it was fun to put vodka in the fruit juice. I learnt to avoid drinking from bottles or containers I hadn't personally opened.

You're very lucky that you've never met those kinds of people. That doesn't mean they don't exist. Especially amongst teenagers and young adults, who have limited empathy.

MissionItsPossible · 25/08/2018 04:42

And let's not mention the people who thought it was fun to put vodka in the fruit juice. I learnt to avoid drinking from bottles or containers I hadn't personally opened.

That mustn’t have been fun for you but I’m wondering why, at uni, you were drinking juice that wasn’t yours in the first place?

Zoflorabore · 25/08/2018 04:47

My sil is teetotal (aged 40) and this doesn't stop her having a life. Her husband drinks and so do most of her friends.

I went through a phase when I got pg with dd in 2010, obviously didn't drink whilst pregnant but then didn't bother for 5 years afterwards either. She's now 7.5 and in the last 2 years I've more than made up for it.

I think with me, I started going out really young at 15, went to university and then had a few crazy years before having ds at 25 so feel like I had done enough of the crippling hangovers etc.
I had a drink last Friday night and was ill for the whole weekend. I just can't handle it anymore ( also aged 40 ).

Candyflip · 25/08/2018 04:51

I have cut down massively, but I think it is like all things you do when you are young, it was the very best of times and the very worst.

Chouetted · 25/08/2018 04:53

@missionitspossible Because I was at a houseparty. Everyone brings something (food or drink) and you share. It makes much more sense than BYOB.

polkadotpixie · 25/08/2018 05:35

I don't drink (quit in 2015). People pretty much accept it now because they're used to it but I did used to get nagged to drink when I first quit

It was the same when I became a vegetarian..."oh just have one bacon sandwich?!"...I think people just expect you to be like them as they are in the majority (whether as drinkers or meat eaters or whatever)

Mrsdarcyiwish10 · 25/08/2018 07:51

I don't drink as I'm allergic, people say oh you poor thing, or try to get me have just one, why? don't miss something I never had so why are they sad for me, I just smile and edge away

dentydown · 25/08/2018 08:19

This reminds me of when I had to get arsey with someone where I worked. It was my 21st. My boss enforced drinks down the pub (I hated it). One woman wouldn’t let up. Just one, it’s your 21st. Then she threatened to put vodka in my coke. I threatened to report her to the police as I had a long drive home and didn’t want to have booze in my system (even if it was 5 hours later, I have a shit metabolism) I got a telling off from HR for being a bit rude to her.

Squirrelblanket · 25/08/2018 08:22

I think that sometimes people just get defensive when they feel like their choices are being judged. (This works both ways.)

I think there's a saying that the worse kind of smoker is an ex smoker because they are often quite evangelical about giving up and I think this can also often apply to ex drinkers. We have recently massively cut down on the amount we drink and my husband is quite evangelical about it, to the point where I do have to tell him to pipe down sometimes. Have a drink or don't, but don't bang on to everyone else about it, no one's interested!

TroysMammy · 25/08/2018 08:25

My partner is a recovering alcoholic of 3 years. I've never been a drinker, too tight to pay for taxis on a night out and I don't like the taste and how it makes me feel.

My friends and work colleagues know I don't drink and never force the situation. They don't take advantage of me being able to drive on a night out either.

Fatted · 25/08/2018 08:35

My father doesn't drink for medical reason and he's been met with negative comments about it. He doesn't discuss it unless asked so it's not he's being evangelical. No one asks why people don't eat something in particular. If someone refuses a drink they're asked a million and one questions when they shouldn't be. Drinking and drinking to excess is seen as the norm in this country. People who don't are seen as the exception.

Groovee · 25/08/2018 08:38

I don't drink and nor does one of my friend's group. None of our friends comment on it.

senojeel · 25/08/2018 08:45

I'm 41, i've been teetotal my entire life. I just don't like booze. I've seen it wreck lives and kill people. Which has made me more determined to never drink. Most of my friends drink as does DP I couldn't give 2 shiny shites if people drink or not. Most people who talk to me about it often say 'I wish I could do it' (usually whilst nursing a drink). Or 'how do you cope with all those drunk people?' Easy I ignore your ramblings and find someone else to talk to I find the more insistent people are that I have a drink are usually the ones with alcohol related issues

Perdyboo · 25/08/2018 08:56

It's taken about 4 years (and I suspect a sharp glare from hubby) for some people in my family circle to quit with the "can't you even just have 1?", "it must be so boring not drinking?". They quit when I started answering "not as boring as listening to you comment on it all the time!". I lost a few friends in the process, "oh, you can't drink anymore, well give us a call when you can byee". I guess they weren't the friends I thought they were. One person who went quiet for a while saw me out in a place where everyone else was drinking and said she didn't think I would go there anymore. I told her choosing not to drink anymore didn't mean I was a hermit or had sold my sense of humour. I see her sometimes now, but it is less than before. I guess me not sharing a bottle of wine makes others uncomfortable even though I'm happy with my tonic water! So many flavours and pretty glasses to drink them out of!

bluemascara · 25/08/2018 09:02

Dh and I used to drink quite a lot. Far too much, I'm talking from Thursday night, and every evening after the kids had gone to bed, right through to Sunday night. Sometimes it even started on a Wednesday night. Sometimes a few glasses but mostly a bottle of wine each and maybe one or two beers also.
At the time we were both in stressful stages of our careers and having young kids it was a release.
Now, I love the fact that our heads are no longer clouded with hangovers most of the week. Mental health has improved, as has our relationship and we have more energy for the kids. Not to mention more money!
These days we limit it to one evening a week at most and it is only ever a bottle of wine each. Mostly we don't even finish it.
I could easily go tee total now, I love not having hangovers and the fear! Life is more complicated when booze is involved.
If you look at most personal problems in life or issues in families, alcohol is almost always a contributing factor!!

purplestrawberry2 · 25/08/2018 09:03

I have been teetotal for about 10 years. No real big dramatic reason why just I had no stage inbetween being mildly tipsy and absolutely roaring drunk. In my 20s initially lots of "just have 1 etc" but then my friends accepted it and we would go on nights out and I would still have fun, probably even more than I did before. I dont care if anyone drinks around me etc. In my 30s now and nobody cares whether I drink or not.

Frosty6611 · 25/08/2018 09:05

My DP and I barely ever drink (maybe one gin and tonic each once a fortnight). If we go out for dinner we’ll maybe have a cocktail but it’s not a regular occurrence. We just aren’t particularly fussed for the taste of alcohol. I used to drink a lot with friends when I was younger as I felt peer pressure to join in with that sort of culture. I definitely don’t miss the hangovers and the added expense to a night out

Madmarchpear · 25/08/2018 09:06

As one of those who has issues with alcohol I would agree this group are the most likely to question teetotalism. It's a mixture of shame I need a prop and delusion alcohol enhances my existence.
And ofcourse you can have a happy and fulfilling life without alcohol. That said I'm counting down the hours I sit down with a gin later! 😊

Nolagerformethanks · 25/08/2018 09:07

Yes, I totally agree! I'm still in my twenties (just ) and I have never been a massive fan of alcohol, I still have a drink when I fancy one but the constant British obsession to spend any weekend/social occasion/any day out of the norm drinking has always bugged me, I have lovely social outings without it and im often made to feel 'weird' by not drinking! In a similar topic dis anyone hear the Jeremy Vine Show yesterday?They were debating whether people in the countryside should get more lenient sentencing for drink driving offences! I sat listening like it's not a human right to be able to drink alcohol, you can get by perfectly fine without it and it's not a necessity to life so why on earth was this even being considered?? This country has such an odd attitude to alcohol IMHO!

bluemascara · 25/08/2018 09:07

@dentydown YOU got a telling off from HR???!
That's ridiculous! She was the rude one who potentially put you in a dangerous position where you could have broken the law!!!
Says it all really about the society we live in.

People are obsessed with booze. Most social occasions are centred around it.
Weddings, funerals... even bloody christenings are an excuse for a massive piss up. I love a drink but omg why does it have to be all consuming?

MaisyPops · 25/08/2018 09:10

I know a mix of big drinkers, small drinkers and teetotallers. All coexist quite happily with no judgement or persuasion on any side.

I don't drink much but one thing I do like about my teetotal friends is that they never go on and on and on about it the way people who make other dietary/lifestyle choices. cough some vegan friends cough

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