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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think you can be teetotal and have a great life

98 replies

Spinderelle · 25/08/2018 03:36

In response to the research yesterday that suggests that no alcohol is a safe amount to drink.

Whether or not that’s true, I’ve been struck by the amount of people saying since that they’d rather live a full life than a boring joyless existence abstaining! I understand how much people enjoy a drink but just want to put the teetotal case - I’m teetotal because I simply do not like the taste of alcohol or the way it makes me feel and I have a very full life and plenty of fun on nights out. It’s the idea that you cannot have fun without a drink that’s very prevalent in our culture. Wondered if any other non drinkers had noticed this.

OP posts:

BlueJava · 26/08/2018 00:19

I don't drink alcohol and don't miss it. I just offer to be the driver or avoid the occasion. I wish alcohol wasn't consumer at every flipping thing going! My own family don't try and persuade me, but the ILs seem to think I'm missing out on life. I feel like snapping "Give it a rest" but have resisted so far.

nocoolnamesleft · 26/08/2018 04:07

Of course you can. But it does get a bit tedious when 99% of work social events revolve around getting totally pissed. And when people won't believe you that you don't like booze, you don't want booze, no you won't even like their favourite drink honest, no there's no point being offended that I'm not drinking it when you insisted on buying it for me when I asked you not to etc. Have also had the drink spiking issue...luckily I'm not kidding that I can't stand the taste of alcohol, so never been caught out past the first mouthful.

I do find being designated driver helps. I can still enjoy fine dining without wining. I can chatter and laugh and joke without booze. And I can't dance in any state, so that makes no difference.

When staying in countries without the unhealthy booze culture here, it is extremely easy to have a full life without booze. In the UK it is harder. But if I have a fun night out, I actually prefer to be able to remember having had fun the next day, rather than the classic "it was a great night, I can't remember a thing"

BitchQueen90 · 26/08/2018 07:06

Of course you can be teetotal and have a great life.

But I personally enjoy an alcoholic drink. Just like I enjoy a takeaway, or a bar of chocolate. It's not that I couldn't live without them or that I can't have a good time without them, it's that I enjoy having them once in a while and I look forward to those times. I don't really see what the issue with that is.

I actually often see a bit of snobbishness on MN from non drinkers towards those who do, the attitude of "oh you're really sad if you need to drink to have a good time." Nobody I know drinks because they "need" to (unless you're an alcoholic), we just enjoy it sometimes. Nobody gets completely shitfaced and has to be carried home.

LotsToThinkOf · 26/08/2018 07:43

I don't drink because I have poor mental health, the anxiety I feel after drinking makes me want to hide and it's an awful feeling. I'm also scared of how I'll get home, due to a previous experience. So having a drink, to me, really isn't worth the aggro.

I'm treated like an outcast by both old and new friends. No one understands and they think there is something massively wrong with it. I did have a small group of friends from a baby group who seemed to be accepting, then I realised that it was because I could save them money on taxis by being the designated driver. I never really felt like part of the group once I realised this, they were meeting up on other occasions during the day for coffees and things and didn't ever invite me. But I was fine to provide free lifts on an evening.

I did try to explain about the anxiety, I told one of the group who was a healthcare professional as I thought they'd understand rather than thinking I was weird. But she didn't see the issue. On the last occasion I saw them we were meeting at one house, I was asked to collect x from her house and bring her along and then take her home again. This was because she was scared of getting a taxi. Loads of sympathy shown, not one jot of thanks for me or consideration as to why I chose to not drink. Essentially, the reasons were the same but the consideration was not.

Older friends aren't so bad, they still try to persuade me and treat me like I'm not really having a night out but they don't exclude me so I suppose that's something.

You can be teetotal and have a great life but it's the reaction from other people which puts a downer on it. People are arseholes.

Chouetted · 26/08/2018 08:29

Well then you can hardly complain if it was a house party, the clue is in the name.

Er, no it isnt. A house party is a party in a house.

Would you say "it's in the name", if you went to a dinner party and someone put beef in the vegetarian lasagna?

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 26/08/2018 08:36

I think it would be quite joyless abstaining if you wanted to drink but were not forcing yourself to be tee total. But if you just do to want to drink, then no, I don't think it makes you miserable and you can have a full happy life not feeling you're being deprived of something.

KimKatCourtney · 26/08/2018 08:59

10 years without and my life is immeasurably more fun without it

YeTalkShiteHen · 26/08/2018 09:01

I don’t drink, because I don’t like the feeling of being drunk/tipsy and I used to get godawful hangovers which rendered me completely useless the next day.

So I don’t drink.

I don’t care what other people do, that’s up to them. Drink, don’t drink, neither is my business.

Xenia · 26/08/2018 09:02

I never liked the taste. Loads of people have a very fun life without alcohol but plenty are the other way round. As long as I amn ot expected to pay for those who are beating up their wives, messing up their children and bodies, their NHS costs and the like they can drink away.

SpringSnow · 26/08/2018 09:02

Whenever I see threads like this I always get the impression that the non drinkers really want us boozehounds to stop. I won't though, I believe in individual freedom. And besides I like the taste and getting pissed. I don't care about what the so called experts have to say.

Icklepickle101 · 26/08/2018 09:05

I’m early twenties and tee total. Most people can’t get their head around it when they first find out but I have enough personality not to need a drink to have a good time and wake up the next morning feeling good as new. Oh and I don’t have to pay for a cab home as I’m fine to drive.

YeTalkShiteHen · 26/08/2018 09:06

I don’t care who drinks and who doesn’t.

There’s an awful lot of judging on this thread, on both sides. Neither is apparently able to see their own prejudices.

How sad.

Flamingo19 · 26/08/2018 09:08

I used to love a drink and since being pregnant I obviously haven’t touched drink, I have thoroughly enjoyed it. No hangovers, I am much more productive of weekends, waking up feeling fresh etc. I often think I doubt I’ll ever get drunk again. Of course I may have the odd glass of prosecco etc but I realised I enjoy not drinking

MaggieAndHopey · 26/08/2018 09:16

No doubt it is perfectly possible to have a good and fun life without drinking - that's something I'm trying to work out for myself. I've dramatically cut down my drinking in recent months, from having a glass or two of wine most nights and then much more at the weekend, to now having maybe a glass or two once every month. I don't think I'd ever want to stop drinking completely - I still find socialising difficult without the crutch of alcohol, and I still like the feeling of getting mildly tight - but I never want to go back to where I was, which if it wasn't alcohol dependency, it wasn't far off.

It's something I wrestle with. It's that change of state I would miss if I had to stop forever - I get tired of myself sometimes.

SpringSnow · 26/08/2018 09:22

I’m early twenties and tee total. Most people can’t get their head around it when they first find out but I have enough personality not to need a drink to have a good time I'm sure @IcklePickle101 thinks she has an ace personality. I bet her social circle aren't so sure.

XiCi · 26/08/2018 09:29

Bollocks. A very small glass of red wine per day MAY help protect the heart, and even that is in dispute. All the latest research point to the fact that NO amount of alcohol is 'good' for you

You realise that a study isn't fact, right? There are also swathes of research out there showing that moderate drinking is not harmful and that moderate drinkers live longer than teetotallers. Research is conflicting and always has been. I've no idea why people get wound up about what others do. I couldn't care less whether people drink or not.

young people don't drink, it's seen as something their parents do, it's not cool

No, we didn't either however we were off our heads on E every weekend clubbing. Young people that don't drink will be getting their rocks off some other way like they have from the dawn of time. Let's not pretend that they are sat round drinking chamomile tea expressing horror that their parents are enjoying a glass of Malbec. I really hope that under 25s do drink less than we did, there's alot more information out there as to the dangers of heavy/binge drinking however from what I've seen on nights out /holidays /festivals this just isn't the case.

Loonoon · 26/08/2018 09:31

I don’t recognise this situation of people pressing non drinkers to drink alcohol. My various social circles tend to drink a lot and the only attitude I have observed to non drinkers (even in Ireland), is a baffled but admiring ‘well fair play to you then’.

I have cut my own consumption massively recently for health reasons - there was nothing wrong with me but I realised I couldn’t continue to keep caning it without it eventually having consequences. Most of the time it is fine, drinking had become a habit and I barely miss it but big social events are an ordeal - I really, truly miss the social lubrication of Dutch courage and the inhibition it bought about and I struggle to participate. Any supportive hints on how to get through this transition would be greatly appreciated.

Fairylea · 26/08/2018 09:31

I have been teetotal since I met my (lifelong teetotal) dh about 9 years ago. I was a very, very heavy drinker until then (worked in pub industry, would easily drink to vomit stage most nights, pints and whatever else). When I met dh it made me realise I didn’t want that for myself anymore, I’d had enough of the whole culture and drinking so just stopped, just like that and haven’t drank since. I don’t miss it, I feel like I’ve been there and done that. I feel healthier, I don’t ever have a hangover to contend with and I have more energy to do stuff with my kids etc etc. I know some of this is because i was drinking a lot - not just the odd glass of wine - but for me I would rather save the money the odd bit of wine would cost me and spend it elsewhere. Alcohol is really expensive apart from anything else.

MissionItsPossible · 28/08/2018 07:52

@Chouetted

Er, no it isnt. A house party is a party in a house.

Would you say "it's in the name", if you went to a dinner party and someone put beef in the vegetarian lasagna?

Lol. If you’re at university and invited to a house party it’s a given that there will be alcohol. If you’re in the minority that’s fine but then you bring your own drinks and don’t drink things that don’t belong to you

Chouetted · 28/08/2018 13:06

Gosh. Do you really think that?

How utterly insulting to the hosts, just because a minority can't stop themselves from spiking drinks?

FYI, how this story actually played out was that at every party after that, the drinks table was supervised. Because my friends liked me and wanted to include me, not segregate me.

Xenia · 28/08/2018 15:50

Spring, I don't care if you drink or don't, genuinely and I also think it's funny that people who drink think everyone does, that you can't socialise unless you do and that your life is lacking something if you don't (as that is not so). Just live and let live.

By the way no one presses me to drink alcohol. I didn't even find that a university actually. Obviously if you are with die hard big drinkers it might be different.

AnEPleaseBob · 28/08/2018 16:02

Me neither. When people say this I think bloody hell you move in bad circles. If your friends are trying to push you into drinking, you've got bad friends. That doesn't mean its widespread.

Westworldmaeve · 28/08/2018 16:10

Most people don't care that I don't drink (anymore). However, half my family is severely addicted to alcohol (some are better now since they started AA) and they have a massive problem with me not joining in. They don't want to drink alone do they keep on persuading me to drink with them. Thank god my dad sticks up for me. He also has an alcohol problem but he respects my wishes not to drink. I don't care if they drink or not. Well, I do care but I realise that my presence shouldn't matter. Plus that no one has ever broken the habit who didn't actively want to. I never comment on their drinking but it really annoys me that they keep on commenting on my not-drinking.

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