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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go back to work full time

56 replies

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 07:58

It’s a very long story but to try and keep it short (and try to give as much info as I can do here goes.....)

We’re having a lot of work done on our house at the minute and so have been living with family for 6 months.
We have DCs, husband works in a good city job and I run a business from home part time (still quite new, but going positively)

We’ve just found out that there are structural issues our first builder hasn’t identified and it’s is actually going to take another 6 months to put right (there have been a lot of problems and we basically had to tear the house down and start again - we were only supposed to be out 3 months) and it’s going to cost a lot more too.

Family are fantastic but It’s been difficult to define rules re our DCs. Family don’t listen to how I (we) want to raise DCs and tend to interfere/ undermine me (I don’t think it’s on purpose, I think they just feel like they know best/ their house etc)

So all of a sudden it’s been discussed that I’ll close my business and go back to work full time to find the additional build while family look after DCs full time.

I feel really uncomfortable with this and I probably am being unreasonable but I wanted to get some perspective - thanks!

This post was edited by MNHQ at OP's request

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 24/08/2018 08:01

How else will you fund the rebuild if you don't go back to work?

PotteringAlong · 24/08/2018 08:02

The only people who need to discuss it are you and your DH.

snackarella · 24/08/2018 08:03

Wow that sounds like a massive change .:...I wouldn't be happy with it, do you have any other options? Borrow and repay when you're at work in a few years or making more money from the business?

enviousofthepalace · 24/08/2018 08:03

Who decided it?

araiwa · 24/08/2018 08:03

So whats your better plan for funding your rebuilding?

Or are you just gonna stay with pil for the next 10 years?

FASH84 · 24/08/2018 08:03

Who else will fund the rebuild? Unless you can rapidly increase your business income. It seems a logical solution, your DH already works FT and you have the luxury of free childcare available. Could you work part time and work on the business party time or is it really more at hobby stage and doesn't bring in any real money?

Original poster

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 08:04

We have money to fund the extra costs of the remodel. It wouldn’t wipe all our savings or anything.

OP posts:

Ihatemycar · 24/08/2018 08:04

Hi if you want to get out of your in laws I suggest you take a full time job ASAP. Your son is only 2 so you still have plenty of time to educate him the way you want.
Get the money in and move then quit the job and get back to your business.
It will be hard but you'll have less financial stress.

Original poster

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 08:09

@envious In laws offered and DH accepted without talking to me

I don’t think I’ve worded this the best, i already work 20+ hours a week on my business and currently make about minimum wage but it’s getting better quickly. It’s not about me not wanting to work, it’s more about me not feeling like having any control over decisions I think.

I’m probably still a bit too emotional to have brought it on here, sorry

OP posts:

araiwa · 24/08/2018 08:11

Whats with all these pussylodger threads recently?

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 24/08/2018 08:13

It's possible you'd be better working FT than in your business, or in some other working arrangement, but regardless it's not something that should have been agreed between your DH and his parents.

Original poster

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 08:14

@araiwa

I’ve never heard of that before, as I’ve said I have no problem working, I earn money and the build so far has been funding through joint savings (which prior to marriage were MY savings) I’m guessing you’re trying to offend me or start some heated debate rather than be helpful so I’m just going to leave you to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 08:17

@Ihatemycar @MingeUterus

I think you’re probably right. If I went back to work FT then it would solve the problem quicker, just not happy that I’ve not had a say in it.

Thanks

OP posts:

Thehop · 24/08/2018 08:17

I don’t understand the issue if you can afford the work?

Can you agree that you carry on as you are and refil your savings when ds gets nursery funding and you can work more hours? Or work full time when he’s at nursery do less time with il?

Pengggwn · 24/08/2018 08:18

araiwa

Eh?

Thehop · 24/08/2018 08:18

They’re your savings then! That’s even more insulting that you’ve had no bloody say!

grasspigeons · 24/08/2018 08:18

Rather than finding a FT job, could you increase your hours in your business. It seems a shame to have to ditch a business that seems to be going well.

ImAIdoot · 24/08/2018 08:18

YANBU! This is not a decision to be taken for you, it's something for you and DP to discuss.

araiwa · 24/08/2018 08:22

Ive noticed thread topics seem like london buses.

One thread appears and over the next couple of days more will appear with very similar themes.

Ive read a couple of women earning minimum wage at part time jobs but theyre being asked to step up their financial contributions recently

Original poster

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 08:23

@araiwa

Appreciate that but if you had read my comments you would realise that’s not the case here.

OP posts:

PrimalLass · 24/08/2018 08:23

Just say no to your husband. Building your business will be better in the long run as you will find it easier to manage school holidays.

Original poster

NameChangedSsh · 24/08/2018 08:27

@Thehop I think the worry is that we’re spending a much bigger chunk of our savings than planned. We’d still have plenty in my opinion and would be re-couping it all once we sell off the 2nd property (currently being built to sell separately)

OP posts:

ThatFridayFeeling · 24/08/2018 08:27

She's not being asked to step up her financial contributions. Their savings will cover the cost of the build. She's being asked to give up her business and return to work FT without any discussion with her (which is entirely unreasonable if you can afford the housing work!) Stick to your guns

Littlebluebird123 · 24/08/2018 08:28

I could be wrong but I think the working hours is a bit of a red herring.
It sounds more like you don't feel comfortable with how out of control you are. This is completely understandable as you're living with pil and your DH has made a decision without speaking to you.

You need to speak to DH. Did he definitely arrange it so you'd go back to work and they'd look after lo or was it more of a discussion ie 'my parents said they'd watch lo so you can go ft and we can move out quicker. Great solution hey?'

I know you may not be comfortable with how they do things and you're already probably a bit bit on edge from living in their house. But unless they're doing things which are dangerous or causing other problems (my mum used to fill mine with snacks and then complain they didn't eat lunch for example!) Then the offer of free child care is great. And it helps you get out quicker. It would also mean you have some buffer for further problems with the build, keep some savings or whatever.

It does seem to make more sense to spend more time on your business if that's possible as you're already doing it.

But you do need to talk to DH and be on the same page.

diddl · 24/08/2018 08:29

If you don't want or need to then don't!

Do Ils look after your son whilst you work on the business?

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